Amazon Prime Free Trial
FREE Delivery is available to Prime members. To join, select "Try Amazon Prime and start saving today with FREE Delivery" below the Add to Cart button and confirm your Prime free trial.
Amazon Prime members enjoy:- Cardmembers earn 5% Back at Amazon.com with a Prime Credit Card.
- Unlimited FREE Prime delivery
- Streaming of thousands of movies and TV shows with limited ads on Prime Video.
- A Kindle book to borrow for free each month - with no due dates
- Listen to over 2 million songs and hundreds of playlists
Important: Your credit card will NOT be charged when you start your free trial or if you cancel during the trial period. If you're happy with Amazon Prime, do nothing. At the end of the free trial, your membership will automatically upgrade to a monthly membership.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Audible sample
Follow the author
OK
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans Hardcover – March 2, 2021
Purchase options and add-ons
The oldest cultures in the world have mastered the art of raising happy, well-adjusted children. What can we learn from them?
“Hunt, Gather, Parent is full of smart ideas that I immediately wanted to force on my own kids.” —Pamela Druckerman, The New York Times Book Review
When Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff becomes a mother, she examines the studies behind modern parenting guidance and finds the evidence frustratingly limited and often ineffective. Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches, she visits a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula. There she encounters moms and dads who parent in a totally different way than we do—and raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children without yelling, nagging, or issuing timeouts. What else, Doucleff wonders, are Western parents missing out on?
In Hunt, Gather, Parent, Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children that Western parents do. Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop—it’s built on cooperation instead of control, trust instead of fear, and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones.
Maya parents are masters at raising cooperative children. Without resorting to bribes, threats, or chore charts, Maya parents rear loyal helpers by including kids in household tasks from the time they can walk. Inuit parents have developed a remarkably effective approach for teaching children emotional intelligence. When kids cry, hit, or act out, Inuit parents respond with a calm, gentle demeanor that teaches children how to settle themselves down and think before acting. Hadzabe parents are experts on raising confident, self-driven kids with a simple tool that protects children from stress and anxiety, so common now among American kids.
Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their methods firsthand, she also applies them with her own daughter, with striking results. She learns to discipline without yelling. She talks to psychologists, neuroscientists, anthropologists, and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development. Filled with practical takeaways that parents can implement immediately, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children, and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families.
- Print length352 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherAvid Reader Press / Simon & Schuster
- Publication dateMarch 2, 2021
- Dimensions6.13 x 1.2 x 9.25 inches
- ISBN-101982149671
- ISBN-13978-1982149673
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now
Frequently bought together
Related Climate Pledge Friendly items
- Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Safer chemicalsMade with chemicals safer for human health and the environment.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyControl UnionCertification Number831717Organic contentProduct contains at least 70% organic material.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyControl UnionCertification Number831717Farming practicesMade with materials harvested from responsibly managed farms.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyControl UnionCertification Number831717Worker well-beingManufactured on farms or in facilities that protect the rights and/or health of workers.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyControl UnionCertification Number831717 - Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Safer chemicalsMade with chemicals safer for human health and the environment.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Organic contentProduct contains at least 70% organic material.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Farming practicesMade with materials harvested from responsibly managed farms.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Worker well-beingManufactured on farms or in facilities that protect the rights and/or health of workers.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770 - Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Safer chemicalsMade with chemicals safer for human health and the environment.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Organic contentProduct contains at least 70% organic material.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Farming practicesMade with materials harvested from responsibly managed farms.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770Worker well-beingManufactured on farms or in facilities that protect the rights and/or health of workers.As certified byGlobal Organic Textile Standard
Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) is a global certification with strict standards for the processing of clothing and home materials made with organic fiber. Only textile products that contain a minimum of 70% organic fibers can become GOTS certified. These fibers are made with no GMOs, no highly hazardous chemicals, and no child labor. Producers must also have a strong system to protect the health, safety, and rights of their employees and have strict wastewater treatment practices.Certification LevelCONTAINS 95-100% ORGANIC CONTENTCertification BodyOregon TilthCertification NumberOT-033770 - Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Organic contentProduct contains at least 95% organic material.As certified byUSDA Organic
USDA Organic is protected by law, inspected by experts, traced from farm to store, and shaped by public input. USDA develops and enforces the organic standards, which require products to be produced using farming practices that maintain and improve soil and water quality, minimize the use of synthetic materials, conserve biodiversity, and avoid genetic engineering, among other factors. Crops can be certified organic if they’re grown without prohibited substances such as most synthetic fertilizers and pesticides for three years prior to harvest. Livestock are raised on pasture and treated humanely without growth hormones or antibiotics. Organic products do not contain GMOs or artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. Products that contain a minimum of 95 percent organic ingredients and use the USDA Organic seal are part of Climate Pledge Friendly. - Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Safer chemicalsMade with chemicals safer for human health and the environment.As certified byOEKO-TEX STANDARD 100
STANDARD 100 by OEKO-TEX requires every component of a textiles product—including all thread, buttons, and trims—to be tested against a list of more than 1,000 harmful regulated and unregulated chemicals which may be harmful to human health. The assessment process is globally standardized, independently conducted, and updated at least once a year based on new scientific information or regulatory requirements. Certification focus: #ProductSafety and #ChemicalsUsed.Certification NumberBJ020 169553Forestry practicesMade with materials from well-managed forests, recycled materials, and/or other controlled wood sources.As certified byThe Forest Stewardship Council
The Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) supports responsible forestry, which is a vital solution to combat climate change. Choosing FSC-certified products – whether furniture, building materials, paper, rubber, or textiles – helps protect forests, wildlife, clean water and supports the Indigenous Peoples, forest workers and communities who depend on them. Choosing FSC-certified products can also help to mitigate climate change by supporting responsible management of the world’s forests. For a better future, choose FSC. - Sustainability features for this product
Sustainability features
This product has sustainability features recognized by trusted certifications.Safer chemicalsMade with chemicals safer for human health and the environment.As certified byOEKO-TEX STANDARD 100
STANDARD 100 by OEKO-TEX requires every component of a textiles product—including all thread, buttons, and trims—to be tested against a list of more than 1,000 harmful regulated and unregulated chemicals which may be harmful to human health. The assessment process is globally standardized, independently conducted, and updated at least once a year based on new scientific information or regulatory requirements. Certification focus: #ProductSafety and #ChemicalsUsed.Certification Number11-54221
- “If a little child doesn’t listen, it’s because she is too young to understand. She is not ready for the lesson.”Highlighted by 393 Kindle readers
- Parents see this mess as an investment. If you encourage the incompetent toddler who really wants to do the dishes now, then over time, they’ll turn into the competent nine-year-old who still wants to help—and who can really make a difference.Highlighted by 362 Kindle readers
- It’s not my job to entertain the children. It’s their job to be part of the team.Highlighted by 343 Kindle readers
From the Publisher
Editorial Reviews
Review
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BESTSELLER
USA TODAY BESTSELLER
“Hunt, Gather, Parent is full of smart ideas that I immediately wanted to force on my own kids. (I wish I’d read it at the start of the pandemic, when I made their chore charts.) Doucleff is a dogged reporter who’s good at observing families and breaking down what they’re doing.”
—Pamela Druckerman, The New York Times Book Review
“Deeply researched . . . [Doucleff] takes care to portray her subjects not as curiosities ‘frozen in time,’ but instead as modern-day families who have held on to invaluable child-rearing techniques that likely date back tens of thousands of years.”
—The Atlantic
“Parents: You don’t have to go to kid birthday parties anymore! Or awkwardly straddle playground equipment! Or create chore charts! In her funny, honest, and practical book, Michaeleen Doucleff collects ancient wisdom that can restore sanity to parenting.”
—Amanda Ripley, New York Times bestselling author of The Smartest Kids in the World and High Conflict
“THIS IS THE PARENTING BOOK I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! Frustrated by the challenges of being a new parent, investigative journalist Michaeleen Doucleff straps her kid on her back and travels thousands of miles to learn why and how indigenous cultures seem to raise kids to be far more skilled, confident, and content than the kids back at home. Armed with respect and curiosity, Doucleff realizes that incessant communication with her child while attempting to control every small thing leads her child to feel anxiety and act out. And that giving a child autonomy while building a loving connection yields highly skilled kids who cooperate, regulate their emotions, and pitch in without waiting to be asked. Smart, humbling, and revealing, Hunt, Gather, Parent should force a re-set of modern American parenting and return a healthier and happier childhood to both parents and children.”
—Julie Lythcott-Haims, New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult and Real American
“Michaeleen Doucleff’s Hunt, Gather, Parent breathes a gust of fresh air onto the parenting bookshelf. She gives us a whole new way of looking at raising kids, and it is so beautifully intuitive even as it runs counter to everything we have been taught as Western parents. I loved all the families she introduces us to, the landscapes she brings to life, and her honesty about her relationships with her own daughter. It really does take a village to raise a child, and it is pure joy to follow Michaeleen and Rosy from village to village seeing how it can be done. I can’t wait to talk to other parents about this book.”
—Angela C. Santomero, creator, head writer, and executive producer of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and Blue’s Clues, and author of Radical Kindness and Preschool Clues
“Most of our greatest parenting challenges, such as how to instill helpfulness, kindness, and confidence in little ones, aren’t problems at all in other cultures. Michaeleen Doucleff travels far and wide to observe firsthand how parents in non-Western societies have successfully nurtured these traits in children for centuries, and she shares their effective strategies in this very readable book. Hunt, Gather, Parent is the new required reading for moms and dads seeking wise and creative solutions to our most vexing parenting dilemmas.”
—David F. Lancey, PhD, author of The Anthropology of Childhood and Raising Children: Surprising Insights from Other Cultures
“A lively account of traveling with her three-year-old daughter Rosy ‘to the corners of the world’ to research parenting techniques . . . Doucleff includes specific and manageable instructions for parents, and end-of-chapter summaries include extra resources. Parents will find Doucleff’s curiosity contagious and guidance encouraging.”
—Publishers Weekly
“An intriguing study that should be useful to parents from any culture, especially those who are at their wits’ end with their rambunctious, untamed children. . . . Eye-opening looks at how ancient techniques can benefit modern parents.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“This book is filled with accessible, practical information and anecdotes that can help parents address challenges they may face.”
—Jamie Herndon, Book Riot
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Avid Reader Press / Simon & Schuster (March 2, 2021)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 352 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1982149671
- ISBN-13 : 978-1982149673
- Item Weight : 1.2 pounds
- Dimensions : 6.13 x 1.2 x 9.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #30,370 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD, is a global health correspondent for NPR’s Science Desk and the author of the New York Times bestseller Hunt, Gather, Parent. The book describes a way of raising kind and confident children, which moms and dads all over the world have turned to for millennia.
Doucleff has a doctorate in chemistry from the University of Berkeley, California, and a bachelor’s degree in biology from Caltech.
For the past decade, Doucleff has reported on disease outbreaks and children’s health for NPR. Before that, Doucleff was an editor at the journal Cell, where she wrote about the science behind pop culture.
She lives in San Francisco with her husband, daughter and German Shepherd, Savanna
Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book easy to read and informative. They appreciate the perspective and relatable advice on parenting. Many readers find the techniques effective within a short time. The book eases their anxiety and improves their mental health. Readers also appreciate the insights into other cultures and parenting styles.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book insightful and relatable. They appreciate the practical tools for teaching and training children. The book offers useful tips and scientific insights that are easy to understand. It provides a good foundation for parents to come back to time and time again.
"...The book also weaves in a ton of scientific research and many of the author’s original interviews with anthropologists..." Read more
"...The strategies in this book really work, even for my highly spirited toddler - and far better than punishments, demands and threats...." Read more
"...The stories were entertaining and instructive and I love how humble and relatable the author is. I teared up and laughed multiple times...." Read more
"...It feels like uncovering an intuitive, deeply held knowledge that you had the whole time, if only you had listened closely enough, rather than a set..." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and engaging. They find the writing style great and the structure well-done. The book is a must-read for all parents, teachers, and anyone interested in parenting. The practical advice is simple to remember and implement.
"...This is an important book for parents, grandparents, nannies and other caregivers. This knowledge is desperately needed in the US today!..." Read more
"...The stories about other cultures were so interesting and easy to read that I was willing to wake up at 4am so I could get a chapter or two in before..." Read more
"...The information she gives is easy and laid out well, practical and easy to remember and seems simple to implement...." Read more
"This is a pretty fun and interesting read for a parenting book -- I've tried meandering my way through quite a few of them, and this one was so much..." Read more
Customers find the book's perspective helpful. It answers many of their parenting questions and provides relatable, relevant information that applies to modern day parenting. They appreciate the stories of parents in other cultures and how they run their household. The book helps parents take back control of parenting and offers an interesting historical perspective.
"...There is some interesting historical parenting perspective in the first two chapters that upends much of our current thinking about raising..." Read more
"...The stories about other cultures were so interesting and easy to read that I was willing to wake up at 4am so I could get a chapter or two in before..." Read more
"...I feel like it answered SO many of the parenting questions I’ve had, and honestly believe it may be one of the only parenting books anyone needs to..." Read more
"...Overall, this book felt like part adventure story, part fascinating cultural lesson, and part parenting how-to...." Read more
Customers find the techniques in the book effective within a short time. They say it works better than yelling commands at their children and they finished the book in one weekend.
"...him making sure he’s safe is just effective and works better then yelling commands at him, he is a happy 2 year old and it wouldn’t be without this..." Read more
"...Everything I read and tried from this book has worked wonders with my children and made me realize the frustrations and friction we were having were..." Read more
"I really enjoyed this book and finished it in one weekend!..." Read more
"...and implementing many of the strategies suggested, we have seen immediate results. Are our kids perfectly autonomous?..." Read more
Customers find the book helpful. It eases their anxiety about parenting and makes them feel more calm and less stressed. They say it improves their life and mental health. The book helps break free from standard American parenting and gives them confidence.
"...stitches over the monsters talk and that in itself has helped relieve some of his anxiety...." Read more
"...Because of this book, I feel more confident. -Kim N." Read more
"...and along the way they remake their relationship into one that is less stressful, more caring, and, potentially, more fulfilling for them both in..." Read more
"This parenting book gave me my life back. I know that sounds extreme, but I mean it...." Read more
Customers find the book provides an interesting look at other cultures and parenting styles. They say it broadens their perspective with research and original interviews with anthropologists. The author expands on many thoughts and intuitions about parenting.
"...in a ton of scientific research and many of the author’s original interviews with anthropologists..." Read more
"...Overall, this book felt like part adventure story, part fascinating cultural lesson, and part parenting how-to...." Read more
"...So, this book helps parents to take parenting back, take the culture we want back and hopefully, slowly but surely we can raise healthy children..." Read more
"...I loved how the author travels and learns from other cultures directly and shares her experience in detail." Read more
Customers have different views on the book. Some find it entertaining and engaging, while others find the first two chapters boring and the author's voice unappealing.
"...In summary, it's not a good book." Read more
"...With that said, I found the book to be humorous and entertaining...." Read more
"Didn’t love the entire book, but the tidbits that I did like and implemented in my home were game changers and for that - I still love this book...." Read more
"...The book is well written, entertaining, and practical...." Read more
Reviews with images
Great Read!
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2021Ooo, this book was soooo good that I have too much to say and not enough time to write it all! I’m excited to be the first reviewer to have already put these parenting strategies into action and say—yes, this works! My six year old is cooking and cleaning, and she is more peaceful and even sleeping better than she has been in years. Even the baby is happy because we are including him in everything we do as a family.
I was able to do get these results so quickly because I was already many months into implementing a complementary educational philosophy (Montessori) at home. Hunt Gather Parent gave me some of the context I was missing to make phenomenal changes in my household in literally just a few days. This is an important book for parents, grandparents, nannies and other caregivers. This knowledge is desperately needed in the US today!
So as the book jacket explains, this is the story of an American mom, Michaeleen Doucleff, who brings her three year old daughter Rosy along with her as she lives and learns about parenting with families from three indigenous populations—the Maya in Yucatan, the Inuit in the Arctic circle and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. The book is rich with first-person anecdotes from each of these settings, populated by realistic portraits of the people she encountered. I loved learning about each group, and I wanted to read more, more, more about the families she met and the experiences she had.
The book also weaves in a ton of scientific research and many of the author’s original interviews with anthropologists (I admit I gave the book a lot more credit once I looked at the notes and realized a lot of the interviews were her own original work). There is some interesting historical parenting perspective in the first two chapters that upends much of our current thinking about raising children.
As well, the author was generous in her willingness to share the darker, cringe-worthier parts of her own parenting journey. I think just about any parent reading this book will recognize parts of their own parent-child relationships in this! But never fear, there is help on the way, as Michaeleen shares many macro and micro tips and tools for finding a completely new way of relating to our children. A very high level recap of some of her main points:
--Include children in every aspect of adult life, including housework, cooking and other day-to-day work, and the children will be happier, calmer and naturally helpful.
--React with peace and gentleness to children. Respond to misbehavior by ignoring, redirecting, modeling, encouraging, and other kind educational methods.
--Give children autonomy in a safe way that builds both their confidence and their feeling of responsibility to their family and community.
I really appreciated that Michaeleen was able to identify some “universal parenting strategies” because I agree with her that finding commonalities among cultures is the way to find what truly works. I think all parents everywhere want the same things, right? For their children to be healthy and fulfilled, and for the relationship among family members to be supportive and rewarding.
And yet many of us in the U.S. (and probably Canada, Australia and U.K. as well), have completely lost our parenting compass. We don’t even necessarily know what values we want to transmit to our children, let alone how to transmit them and nurture the behaviors that support them. Do we want to encourage independence or interdependence? Peer social skills or family ties? Shouldering responsibility or following your bliss? As parents, do we want to be our kids’ friends or their leaders?
The indigenous families interviewed by Michaeleen seem to have settled on the perfect middle ground among all these ideas. Their children are confident, sociable and emotionally mature. They definitely come across as happy and content. The parents seem to genuinely enjoy the company of their children, yet the parents have their own lives and aren’t at all slaves to their children’s whims.
Now, as for my own parenting journey…I have been on this path for a few years to try to remake our family life and my relationship to our older child. I have read and implemented some of the best of other cross-cultural parenting books that have come out in the past handful of years, including about the French, Danes, and Japanese. Those books were wonderful and do not fundamentally contradict what Hunt, Gather, Parent describes. It’s just that those books failed to mention some of the underlying concepts which are also practiced in France, Japan and Scandanavia—things like family togetherness.
As well, I have been reading books by Maria Monthessori and her disciples and implementing them in our home for about 6 months. Montessori provides a more detailed and comprehensive method than Hunt Gether Parent for introducing children of all ages to the work of daily life, as well as to the important concept of modifying the manmade environment (ie. The home) to ease children’s anxiety and increase their feelings of success.
Importantly, Maria Montessori describes child development in her books and explains how the evolutionary purpose of childhood is basically to follow around adults and older children so the developing child can learn how to act, move and speak like others of their group, thus adapting to their culture, environment and time. This is how an Inuit child grows up to know how to live off the harsh lands of the Arctic, and how an American child grows up to know how to drive a car, shop at the supermarket and earn an income through gainful employment. Montessori describes how children have a developmental need to contribute to their communities and families, and how they will become demanding, possessive, clingy or otherwise maladapted if this developmental need is thwarted.
Montessori has been incredible for our family and has completely changed our family life! Using the Montessori method of breaking jobs into subtasks and teaching by modeling rather than correcting, our 6 year old had already assumed a range of responsibilities from helping to prepare meals and clean up afterward, doing her own laundry, washing her hair, and many others. She was SO MUCH happier and confident after we taught her these jobs, we couldn’t believe it. And as Michaeleen notes in Hunt Gather Parent, we were continually surprised by her physical abilities, such as carrying a laundry basket full of laundry up a flight of stairs all by herself!
However, our child was still clingy and demanding. She had difficulty concentrating and talked compulsively All. Day. Long. Enter the answer to my fervent asking…Michaeleen Doucleff’s Hunt, Gather, Parent. One of the wonderful ideas from this book we implemented immediately was the Family Membership Card—which essentially says children need to eat, work, play and do everything else ALONGSIDE the other members of their family. Whereas before our daughter had her own jobs to complete, now I suggested we do all jobs together. And she loves it! Using this tool and some of the others from the book, after just a few days she is already calmer and more focused. I enjoy her company more than I have since she turned two! And our baby is getting more attention because there isn't so much idle chatter in the house. The transformation for our entire family has been wonderful, and I assume this is only the beginning for us!
To those parents who, like me, are looking for a better way to relate to their children and manage their family lives, I think you will find many ideas in this book. But change takes time if you are just starting this journey. Be patient with your children and spouse, and especially with yourself. Little by little, things will fall into place.
To the author…thank you for writing this book! I can tell it was an act of love, and you deserve many rewards in return. I wish all parents and children everywhere love, peace and blessings.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2024I just finished this book in the space of about 2-3 weeks despite not having a lot of spare time for reading. The stories about other cultures were so interesting and easy to read that I was willing to wake up at 4am so I could get a chapter or two in before my 2 year old woke up. I even bought a copy for my mom, who watches my son regularly, and had my husband start listening on Audible. If I could afford it, I’d get a copy for every mom I know. I see so many of us struggling with young kids and this urge to helicopter parent and also enforce strict discipline out of fear that our kids are going to otherwise run amok and become little cretins. We have been thinking about parenting all wrong this whole time, influenced by arbitrary “norms” established during the Industrial Revolution. I see how so many of us have become stressed by parenting young kids that we begin to separate them from ourselves at an early age and keep them occupied with activities, screen time and toys so that we can have a moment of peace or get chores done, when all along we should have been teaching them (gently and patiently) how to assimilate and integrate into our schedule and lifestyle. I was one of those parents who used to dread being home alone with my son all day if my husband was away or my son had a day off of school/daycare. I felt that I had to plan out something to do for every moment of the day and manage his boredom. This book showed me that there is another way. I can bring him along on my journey and do the things I want to do, encourage helpfulness and cooperation, and not micromanage his time. The strategies in this book really work, even for my highly spirited toddler - and far better than punishments, demands and threats. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2024Probably the first and last time I will ever say this about a parenting book- or any non fiction book- but I couldn’t put the book down!
I hardly ever read through an entire book like this cover to cover- but this book I read in its entirety in less than a week.
It was so helpful, so practical and so hopeful.
The stories were entertaining and instructive and I love how humble and relatable the author is.
I teared up and laughed multiple times.
Reading this book was like going on a fun trip around the world with a friend and learning so much useful information at the same time.
I am around kids all the time but I don’t have kids yet, because it has been overwhelming to me how stressful parenting seems to be from watching other parents. But this book actually made me WANT to have kids and feel excited about parenting, unlike a few other parenting books I have picked up.
The information she gives is easy and laid out well, practical and easy to remember and seems simple to implement.
I’d highly recommend reading this whether you have kids or not. It will give you hope to be a parent, help you in your parenting journey, and help you with friends and relatives who have kids. It will also help you understand yourself and how you behave and think and act coming from a western background.
I feel like it answered SO many of the parenting questions I’ve had, and honestly believe it may be one of the only parenting books anyone needs to read.
Top reviews from other countries
- Deepa - Business accountReviewed in India on February 9, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars build’s awareness as a parent
This book I would highly recommend for all parents. It easily calls attention to the mindset’s we carry, the skills we display and even gives a few simple tools we use.
Making me aware of my own mindset was a game changer for me with this book
- IntellektülleReviewed in Germany on February 4, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow!
This book was recommended to me by my cousin who luckily already got to read it right before expecting his first child.
I myself am more interested from a professional standpoint as I work with children on a daily basis as a daycare worker. Needless to say that in itself can already be a struggle sometimes as you have to deal with the type of behavior described in this book not only times 1-3 but times 20+.
Working in daycare with the Waldorf/Steiner approach I was glad to see we already practice many of the advice from this book or they even embody our core principles - like modeling the right behavior for children for example instead of verbal instruction. Still there is always roam to improvement and I found many helpful tips I can apply in my daily work life plus reading this was a huge inspiration for me to again question pretty much everything I'm doing working with kids on a daily basis! Not to mention this book helped me get way more comfortable with facing - and comfortably answering - many of the parents questions I'm approached with on an almost daily basis. Not having children myself I always struggle with giving "2nd hand advice" to families regarding their parenting practices and routines but now I can adapt or explain a lot of the things we're doing in daycare on a daily basis to their specific situation.
So overall this book was a huge enrichment to me and I can - and do regularly - wholeheartedly recommend it to all (struggling) parents or even parwnts who just want to broaden their view on what parenting in this day and age in our western society entails and how it CAN look like!
- #girlbossReviewed in Spain on January 22, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Should be mandatory
I love it! This book should be mandatary for all parents. Best book I’ve come across.
- Kindle CustomerReviewed in the Netherlands on September 26, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars The only parenting book you need to read f
I've written so many parenting books but nothing seemed to work. After reading this book, I realized in which ways my behavior and words were escalating many situations with my kids. I have learnt to ignore their bad behavior, stay calm while they are upset and most importantly I started to see them as capable individuals who can do many things on their own and also help each other out.
- Guillaume EizliniReviewed in Canada on March 6, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read for people even without kids and who don't plan to have any
This is definitely a parenting book and it reads like one, but it departs enough from that style, because it's examining cultures that teach through stories and modeling behaviour it does both and so is quite a bit more profound than books that tend to be lists of dos and don'ts. In fact the overall point is to throw out the telling kids what to not do.
As a reader i identified with the authors struggle with anger and control. I too understood when she referenced the acronym WEIRD to define how the West raises their children and essentially we remain emotionally dysfunctional even as adults
It reinforces just how much wisdom and knowledge and depth Indigenous culture has and how much as a colonising state Canada tried to destroy what in this book is clearly something profoundly needed by the West and has taken forever for the dominant culture to begin to understand what a gem inuit culture is, and in general nomadic and hunter / gatherer cultures.. Indeed one begins to start to feel that being civilized is about living in tight communities of hunter gatherers and that it's been downhill ever since agriculture arrived on the scene.
I'm being extreme, there are many things that are nifty about western culture, but the loneliness and the sense that the nuclear family is an impossible state of isolation that really serves except capitalism (this is my own interpretation, not the authors, but the author's message is indeed about the isolation of nuclear family parenting)
It's funny that as someone who doesn't want to raise kids at all, i find that it's because i feel like i have not been raised ultimately to be emotionally mature enough to do it right, and in many ways the book confirms that this is a growing problem in the west, mostly because of our need to control. and by letting go and having trust in the development of children as being far more self guided, and at the same time it makes us reflect on the little useless kings and queens we raise versus the helpful tight communities that arise while simultaneously providing more freedom, but also more freedom on how to help a community and belong.
Id love to see this concept grow into something that can help adults who like me feel like western culture has left them lonely and emotionally broken.
I actually think it is essential reading