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Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection Paperback – October 13, 2020

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 54 ratings

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"A wonderful book for thinking about how to release ourselves from crippling processes. It's time for men--and for all of us--to stand up and say, 'Give us back our full humanity, give us back our dignity.'"
--Paul Gilbert, PhD, author of
The Compassionate Mind

In a recent FiveThirtyEight poll, 60 percent of men surveyed said society puts pressure on men to behave in a way that is unhealthy or bad. Men account for 80 percent of suicides in the United States, and three in ten American men have suffered from depression. Ed Adams and Ed Frauenheim say a big part of the problem is a model of masculinity that's become outmoded and even dangerous, to both men and women.

The conventional notion of what it means to be a man--what Adams and Frauenheim call "Confined Masculinity"--traps men in an emotional straitjacket; steers them toward selfishness, misogyny, and violence; and severely limits their possibilities. As an antidote, they propose a new paradigm: Liberating Masculinity. It builds on traditional masculine roles like the protector and provider, expanding men's options to include caring, collaboration, emotional expressivity, an inclusive spirit, and environmental stewardship.

Through hopeful stories of men who have freed themselves from the strictures of Confined Masculinity, interviews with both leaders and everyday men, and practical exercises, this book shows the power of a masculinity defined by what the authors call the five Cs: curiosity, courage, compassion, connection, and commitment. Men will discover a way of being that fosters healthy, harmonious relationships at home, at work, and in the world.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“We need this book! Rather than reject the traditional virtues of masculinity, Adams and Frauenheim show that we need to develop a more expansive conception of what it means to be a man.” —Cary Cherniss, PhD, coauthor of Leading with Feeling and Director, Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations


“A must-read guide for helping men lead healthier and happier lives. Every man should have a copy on his desk!”
—Holly Barlow Sweet, PhD, editor of Gender in the Therapy Hour and cofounder of the Cambridge Center for Gender Relations


“The old ways of showing up as a man at work don’t work. This book will help many men become the inclusive leaders they want to be—and need to be for success today.”
—Jennifer Brown, founder and CEO, Jennifer Brown Consulting, and author of How to Be an Inclusive Leader 

About the Author

Edward M. Adams, PsyD, has been a psychologist in private practice for over thirty years. He founded the nonprofit organization Men Mentoring Men and has facilitated over one thousand men's meetings, workshops, and retreats. As president of the American Psychological Association's Division 51, Adams helped usher in the landmark "APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men" in 2018.

Ed Frauenheim is senior director of content at Great Place to Work--the research organization behind Fortune's "100 Best Companies to Work For" list. He has written or cowritten articles for Fortune, Inc., and Wired and is the coauthor of three books.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Berrett-Koehler Publishers (October 13, 2020)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 192 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1523088966
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1523088966
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.62 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 54 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
54 global ratings
A Guide to Imagining New Masculinity
5 Stars
A Guide to Imagining New Masculinity
The two core frameworks of this book, (1) the distinctions between confined masculinity and liberating masculinity and (2) The four Cs of curiosity, courage, compassion, connection, and commitment, provide a framework for men to leave behind the old way were told men ought to and move toward a new life-giving way that works with men as we are.An inspiring vision of the possibilities for men that guides us toward our best selves without shaming or lecturing.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on December 20, 2020
As a longtime member of the Men Mentoring Men group that is described in this book, I can share that this book distills down and puts in print the most critical, wise lessons I have learned from attending weekly meetings in that organization. The raw honesty of a great meeting comes through on the pages, with the stories and principles of human compassion.

Whatever your gender, I recommend this book highly. Although it comes from a male perspective, the principles described apply to all people struggling for emotional balance and meaning in this world. I agree with the authors that some of that stuggle is different for men, but their testimony and ideas apply much more broadly than that.

The book is full of stories, practical ideas, and ways of living to help us all live a more connected, compassionate, committed life. I found myself in tears over some of the stories, and the book gave me a structure to understand and continue the path of personal growth that I am on; a path full of much more heart and feelings than the traditonal "constrained" masculinity that I was raised with would allow.

The book really brings together the expertise of both authors, extending from personal psychology to the workplace. As a man struggling to find a way to lead and manage in an age of "me too" and emotional awareness, this book had a lot to say to me. Empowerment and equity in the workplace is a struggle for men, who have traditionally held a position of privilege. The book spoke to me as a call to move beyond these traditions, to a future that works better for all people, including the men who are in many ways limited and constrained by their traditional roles, no matter what privileges that may include.

A truly groundbreaking book. Buy it, read it, and find a window into the soul and psyche of yourself and the men in your life.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2020
Engaging, practical book. It homes in on the key features of masculinity that have not served men, or their families, colleagues, or society, well, and offers a positive, powerful, hopeful alternative. It showcases examples from specific individuals' personal and work lives, which enable us to understand what we need to move away from and what we need to move towards. Reflection questions/action steps at the end of each chapter reinforce these lessons/guide the reader.

I spent nearly two years facilitating corporate workshops designed to bring people to a common understanding of the ways in which gender stereotypes influence what we see, whom we include, how we behave, and what we teach/how we raise kids, among other things. This book offers the types of insights generated in those workshops -- insights that can lead us, as another reviewer said, to rethink our lives in a good way. I wish this book were available when I was facilitating! Great resource for how to move from confined masculinity (what The Representation Project termed "The Mask You Live In") to liberating masculinity, which frees not only individual men, but also those around them.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on October 22, 2020
Ed Adams and Ed Frauenheim present one of the most critical topics of our times. Men have been confined by antiquated standards of what has been tragically considered healthy masculinity: being tough at all costs, not showing emotions, never allowing oneself to be vulnerable, to name a few. This book provides both men and women with opportunities to explore the healthiest aspects of what it is to be a man, one who values the key elements outlined in this book – Compassion, Connection, Commitment, Curiosity, and Courage As a member of Men Mentoring Men, the organization highlighted within this book, I have witnessed these elements displayed by the caring men of these groups. Their capacity to be intimate, authentic, and loving in all of their relationships has grown exponentially. This book is a “must read” for all.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on October 30, 2020
Reinventing Masculinity has a timely and timeless message. Men have a necessary contribution to make in a world that requires strength, tenacity, and honesty joined with compassion, connection, curiosity, commitment, and courage. Wisdom traditions have always pointed to the joining of the sacred masculine alongside the divine feminine. Without one, we cannot realize the full potential of the other. During this time when the wisdom of the feminine is in the ascent, masculine energy is all the more needed to join forces in the re-imagining and re-awakening of our human and spiritual potential. This book is a needed guide for the road ahead.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2022
A colleague made me aware of "Reinventing Masculinity" because of the work and writing I do in the field of emotion-based leadership skills. The book compares two models of masculinity: "Confined" and "Liberated" masculinity. The authors, Adams and Frauenheim, associate "confined" masculinity with self-absorption, aggression, competition, separateness, and emotional inhibition, and as possible consequences, broken relationships and depression. They offer "liberated" masculinity as an alternative and suggest compassion and connection as a pathway to this new type of masculinity, which frees men to express themselves and enjoy a richer life. I recommend this book for men who have been raised with the model of "confined masculinity" and are open to learn and reinvent themselves. But I also recommend it to women who want support men on that journey.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2021
Bought the book for my husband. He liked the way the book spoke to his heart. He disliked the way the book spoke to his heart. 🙂 He is encouraged and excited to find out who he can be.

Top reviews from other countries

SandyJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly relevant
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 19, 2021
This book was written by men for men but I have to say I found the information extremely useful as a woman. Beautifully written. I hope that this paves the way for more books and discussion, which is critical at this point in time. Highly relevant.