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Co-parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households after Divorce Kindle Edition
A successful co-parenting relationship is as vital to your child's well-being and health as nutritious food or proper exercise. Research, anecdotal evidence, and plain common sense all point to the fact that children are happier, healthier, and better adjusted when both of their parents play an active role in their lives. Studies also show that the trauma children experience in the wake of a divorce or separation can be lessened when they see their parents getting along. Kids whose parents successfully co-parent feel more secure than those who have limited or no connection to one of their parents post divorce.
Co-Parenting 101is based on the premise that co-parenting is a must, not an option. The involvement of both parents—not just the primary guardian—is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. This is the first book written by a formerly married couple for whom co parenting is central to their day to day lives, and it offers a comprehensive, personal, and upfront look at how to effectively raise kids with an ex-spouse.
Authors Deesha Philyaw and Michael D. Thomas, the creators of the popular co-parenting website, co-parenting101.org, share their own experiences raising their children together, as well as provide professional advice from co-parenting experts. Through practical tips combined with expert parental strategies, this book a great resource for divorced parents with children.
For parents, less time stressed out about legal wrangling means more time to be fully present and engaged with the children. By learning to put their animosity aside, parents can focus on putting their kids first.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherNew Harbinger Publications
- Publication dateMay 1, 2013
- File size1115 KB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
―Susan Pease Gadoua, author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day
“As a marital and couples therapist, I have witnessed how contentious divorces affect both the parents and their children. It can be agonizing. I would highly recommend and encourage those folks contemplating divorce to read this book first. It is extremely practical with many vignettes of actual parent struggles, including the authors' own co-parenting journey. The interview with the authors' daughter is particularly touching and poignant, a powerful message for all divorced parents.”
―Bari Benjamin, LCSW, BCD, licensed, clinical social worker
“As a family physician, I care for hundreds of families with parents living separately. The mental and physical health of children is directly impacted by the relationship between their co-parents. I'm recommending this book to every separated family I see. If parents were willing to step up and consider the suggestions made in Co-parenting 101, their kids would be healthier and far more resilient!”
―Deborah Gilboa, MD, of askdoctorg.com
“Deesha Philyaw and Michael D. Thomas have done the impossible. This formerly married couple not only co-parent their children without rancor, but in Co-parenting 101, they teach us how to do it, too. What a helpful, detailed, and realistic guide to a widespread but much ignored situation! This book will help readers navigate the tricky and often treacherous waters of co-parenting with a former partner.”
―Ericka Lutz, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Stepparenting
“An extraordinary book and required reading for separated and divorced parents, as well as mental health practitioners. [Co-parenting 101] outlines some of the possible pitfalls of the co-parenting process with which clinicians like myself are all too familiar and regularly deal with therapeutically. But now we can refer parents to Co-parenting 101 to help them mindfully approach the co-parenting process and examine the array of options they have in their parenting toolbox."
―Robert F. Fierstein, PhD, licensed psychologist
About the Author
Deesha Philyaw is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Essence and Bitch magazines, as well as The Washington Post. Her writing has been anthologized in several collections including Literary Mama: Reading for the Maternally Inclined; When We Were Free to Be: Looking Back at a Children's Classic and the Difference It Made; and The Cassoulet Saved Our Marriage: True Tales of Food, Family, and How We Learn to Eat. She is the co-founder of Co-Parenting101.org
Michael D. Thomas works in the financial services industry and is the co-founder of Co-Parenting101.org.
Product details
- ASIN : B00C6PRS1Q
- Publisher : New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (May 1, 2013)
- Publication date : May 1, 2013
- Language : English
- File size : 1115 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 225 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,724,840 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #1,363 in Divorce (Kindle Store)
- #1,779 in Mate Seeking (Kindle Store)
- #2,350 in Interpersonal Relations (Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Deesha Philyaw's collection of short stories about Black women, sex, and the Black church, THE SECRET LIVES OF CHURCH LADIES is forthcoming from West Virginia University Press in September 2020. Her work has been listed as Notable in the Best American Essays series, and her writing on race, parenting, gender, and culture has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney’s, The Rumpus, Brevity, dead housekeeping, Apogee Journal, Catapult, Cheat River Review, TueNight, ESPN’s The Undefeated and The Baltimore Review; Essence, Ebony, and Bitch magazines; and various anthologies. Deesha is a Fellow at the Kimbilio Center for African American Fiction and a past Pushcart Prize nominee for essay writing in Full Grown People. Deesha is also the co-author of Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households After Divorce, written in collaboration with her ex-husband.
Learn more about Deesha's work at deeshaphilyaw.com.
Michael D. Thomas works in the financial services industry and is the co-founder of CoParenting101.org.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book helpful and relatable. They appreciate the personable tone and perspective that help them understand kids' experiences. The book is described as a good read and a wonderful resource during tough times.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book helpful with relatable information and practical tips. They say it's a great resource to have during tough times, especially for parents and kids with problems. The book helps readers understand more about parents and kids with troubled lives, which is best for their kids.
"...Throughout the book’s pages pro-tips are sprinkled, little practical gems derived from collective experience that facilitate bigger principles...." Read more
"...are going through a separation Or a divorce, or a breakup it is just so helpful and informational. It was so relatable...." Read more
"...This book along with the other things have been helpful resources. Their book is written in a very personable tone and has very helpful information...." Read more
"A solid read, very helpful, especially if you're the parent taking the initiative to do this...." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and relatable. They appreciate the personable tone and helpful information. The book provides practical advice for difficult times.
"...the two acquired in a well-organized format and authoritative-yet-conversational tone that makes it easy to read and relate..." Read more
"...Their book is written in a very personable tone and has very helpful information...." Read more
"...The language and perspective was helpful in understanding what kids are going through during this time." Read more
"Great, practical advice for difficult times." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2019After becoming “the poster children for divorce” in their community, Deesha Philyaw and Michael D. Thomas started the blog Co-Parenting 101 “to provide a place for cooperative co-parents to share their stories so that others might be encouraged, and to challenge the stereotype of the always-messy divorce.” Their streamlined paperback presents the wealth of information the two acquired in a well-organized format and authoritative-yet-conversational tone that makes it easy to read and relate (e.g., “You can’t commit to honoring your child’s relationship with the other parent and commit to punishing that parent forever at the same time. Guess which ‘commitment’ has to go.”).
After demonstrating the benefits of successful co-parenting to both adults (less depression, grief, anger, and money lost to legal fees) and children (lower rates of attachment issues, depression, teen pregnancy, behavioral problems, suicide, drug abuse, poor academic performance, school dropout, and delinquency), they offer “do” and “don’t” lists that lead the way to “civility, compromise, and cooperation.”
DO: “Vent about your ex only when your children aren’t around” and “insist that family and friends also refrain from bad-mouthing your ex.” DON’T: “Burden your children with details about money and other problems related to the breakup.” DO: Take the high road. (Spoiler alert: It pays dividends for you as well as the kids.) DON’T: “Indulge children with gifts or by being overly permissive in an effort to ‘make up for’ the divorce or assuage [you]r guilt about it.” DO: Let your child know they are “free to love both parents openly” by being positive and interested when they talk about time with the other parent. DON’T: “Treat your child like a confidante, counselor, or fellow ‘victim.’” DO: “Recognize that during his parenting time, it’s his house, his rules, his way.” DON’T: Implicitly or explicitly ask children to agree that divorce was the right call. DO: “Put on your game face, cry in the car after your child has left, do whatever you need to do to hold it together so that your child is truly free—emotionally free—to go with the other parent and enjoy herself.” The lists go on.
Philyaw and Thomas also cover the basics of different legal mechanisms (mediation, collaborative divorce, litigation) as well as the various schedule options and other logistics. But their strength lies in encouraging self-regulation and acceptance of a bottomline that should be familiar to parents, happily married or not: “There will be times when you’re called upon to be uncomfortable or shoulder a burden so that your children don’t have to.”
In part, they do it through modeling. Philyaw and Thomas live on the same street. They have always invited one another inside for transitions to give their girls a feeling of ease, even in the years when that was emotionally rough for the grownups. Though both have since remarried, they all spend Christmas Eve and day together. They sit together at school and extracurricular events. The “whole family—children, spouses, and stepchildren—socializes from time to time and goes on annual vacation.” Most kids, they say, “dream about their parents getting back together, and having their parents get along is almost as good…. Kids want reassurance that even though the family they have known is breaking up, they are still part of a family.”
Throughout the book’s pages pro-tips are sprinkled, little practical gems derived from collective experience that facilitate bigger principles. If you can afford it, buy two of all but the most expensive things your child owns so they don’t have to lug bags and both houses feel like home. Set up a staging area like Philyaw’s “Dad Basket” to keep artwork, forms to sign, and other things headed for the other parent as a physical manifestation of ongoing cooperation. Find humor in the hard moments. And remember, “it’s never too late to commit to improving your co-parenting situation.”
- Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2024I highly recommend this book to anybody that has just became apparent Or if you are going through a separation Or a divorce, or a breakup it is just so helpful and informational.
It was so relatable. I couldn't put the book down and finished it in just 5 days.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2015I have listened to the podcasts put together by Mike and Deesha, visited their website, and been a member of their Facebook group. This book along with the other things have been helpful resources. Their book is written in a very personable tone and has very helpful information. Thank you Mike and Deesha for sharing your experiences and those of others in a way that helps put the discussion where it belongs - coming from the perspective of what is best for your child.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2015A solid read, very helpful, especially if you're the parent taking the initiative to do this. Some of the information was for parents whose children are younger than mine, so I could see how it would be a five-star for them, but I was really looking for information for teenagers. The language and perspective was helpful in understanding what kids are going through during this time.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 10, 2013This is a must read for people who share children who are ending or have already ended the adult relationship between them. Children at all ages need both parents. We can help or hurt our children without even knowing it. There are many issues involved but by far the most important is that all things be considered in light of what is in the best interest of the child(ren). No matter how long ago you divorced or changed your relationship with your child(ren)'s other parent, it is never too late to make some things better. This book also addresses what to do if the other parent will not cooperate towards that goal. I highly recommend this book.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 19, 2015I think every parent should red this book and apply the information to their experiences. It makes you understand more about parents and kids with
problems and troubled life styles. Great ideas for when your at the end of your own ideas.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2015This is a wonderful resource to have during a tough time.
I highly recommend this book.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2017Great, practical advice for difficult times.