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True Companions: A Book for Everyone About the Relationships That See Us Through Hardcover – February 9, 2021

by Kelly Flanagan (Author, Foreword), Ian Morgan Cron (Author, Foreword)

4.8 83 ratings

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When we quit sabotaging intimacy in our relationships by demanding unconditional love, we discover something much greater―the deeply satisfying, transformational love that is companionship.

In these pages psychologist Kelly Flanagan shows how each of us has within ourselves, exactly the way we are, the gifts that are needed to cultivate the life-long relationships we are longing for, whether it is within marriage or friendship. He shows us how self-knowledge leads the way to growing in love for both God and others. He shows us how understanding our own loneliness can help us relieve the pressure on our companions. And he shows us how understanding our own psychological and emotional defenses can help us to make the choice to love more vulnerably.

More than a marriage book, this is a companionship book. Anyone―from single young adults to elderly married couples, from the divorced to the widowed, from siblings to friends―can benefit from the wisdom it uncovers about what it means to be human and to be true companions.

Groups, couples, and individuals can use the companion study guide for five sessions on how to show up in your most important relationships.

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Who Are We?

Since 1947, InterVarsity Press (IVP) has been publishing thoughtful Christian books that shape both the lives of readers and the cultures they inhabit. Throughout these seventy-five years, our books and authors have established a legacy of speaking boldly into important cultural moments, providing timeless tools for spiritual growth, and equipping Christians for a vibrant life of faith.

From the Publisher

Marriage;Christian;friendship;intimacy;dating;communication;companion;loneliness;divorce;enneagram

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Though we often do whatever it takes to avoid feelings of loneliness, in these pages Dr. Kelly Flanagan invites readers to do something else―make friends with our loneliness, attend to it, and even welcome loneliness as a gift. Flanagan is a guide for the isolated soul, showing us that our agonizing longings for deep companionship are actually graces―signposts pointing us toward deeper connection, love, and holiness. And along the way, we discover this gentlest of miracles: we are, none of us, truly alone." -- Aubrey Sampson, church planter and author of The Louder Song: Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament

"In True Companions, Kelly Flanagan grapples with the joys and risks of genuine connection. With sincerity, wisdom, and deft storytelling, Flanagan dares readers to become more human. In an increasingly inhumane world, his is a dare worth taking." -- Katherine Willis Pershey, author of Very Married: Field Notes on Love and Fidelity

"I know this book will touch many lives. Kelly Flanagan has harvested the rich rewards of true companionship from the everyday struggles of doing real life together―a gift to every couple and every kind of companion everywhere." -- Bob Goff, author of Love Does and Dream Big

"What a brave, beautiful, and bountiful book that sings with quiet wisdom on the power of loneliness and the sanctity of companionship. . . . Flanagan looks directly into the center of what it means to be human and helps us hold our gaze there, too, so we may see ourselves and each other more clearly with a searing and soaring grace." -- Carolyn Weber, professor and author of Sex and the City of God

"What Kelly does for all of us in this deep dive into being-in-relation is help us unearth those deeply buried conditions we've been loading onto what we think we've been asking for or offering as 'unconditional love.' Then, therapist that he is, Dr. Flanagan invites us to put down the mallet and befriend our loneliness, shame, and abandonment. . . . Kelly charts a path of waking up so we can show up as our best selves in our most important relationships. . . . I'm so glad to commend True Companions to you." -- Ian Morgan Cron, author of The Road Back to You, from the foreword

"Loneliness is part of marriage. Rather than avoid or ignore that reality, Flanagan provides a much-needed resource on the necessary journey of creating space for loneliness in the context of relationship. With unflinching honesty and clinical insight, Flanagan takes a fresh look at how to sit with the discomfort of unmet expectations in marriage. He shares about his own marriage in a way that impacts both intellectually and emotionally. Flanagan wisely suggests that our most intimate relationships benefit from learning to embrace curiosity rather than certainty, and that a deeper intimacy is found in sharing loneliness rather than expecting our partner to eliminate it." -- Jeff and Kim Eckert, psychologists and cofounders of Roots Counseling Center

"He had me at the table of contents. I went there first to decide if I was going to read the book. Weary of reading marriage books that seemed too lofty or talked about having a date night, I long ago moved on to books of poetry and novels, which have actually helped my marriage. But when I felt a tug at my heart just by reading the descriptions of the chapters in True Companions, I knew this book would be different. If you want a wise, honest, and true friend to take a walk with you, Kelly is that friend. And on that walk, he will open your heart to new truths and new questions, and gently lead you down an unexpected path toward change in yourself and your relationship with the one you love. Please take this journey with him. Kelly is a trustworthy guide." -- Al Andrews, founder and executive director of Porter's Call

About the Author

Kelly Flanagan is a clinical psychologist and is the founder of Artisan Clinical Associates, a private practice in Naperville, Illinois, offering services to teens, adults, couples, and families. The author of The Marriage Manifesto and Loveable, he has also written for publications such as Christianity Today, Reader's Digest, and Huffington Post. In 2014, a letter he wrote to his daughter led to their appearance on the TODAY Show. Flanagan is a popular blogger and speaks regularly on topics related to marriage, parenting, and spiritual formation. He lives in Dixon, Illinois, with his wife, Kelly, and their three children.

Ian Morgan Cron is a bestselling author, nationally recognized speaker, Enneagram teacher, counselor, Dove Award–winning songwriter, and Episcopal priest. His books include the novel Chasing Francis and spiritual memoir Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me. His most recent book is The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self. He and his wife, Anne, live in Nashville, Tennessee.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ IVP (February 9, 2021)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 232 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0830847685
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0830847686
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #865,912 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #2,386 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #3,311 in Christian Family & Relationships
- #4,229 in Marriage

Customer Reviews:
4.8 83 ratings

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Kelly Flanagan

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Dr. Kelly Flanagan is a psychologist turned novelist and a few things in between, including a husband of twenty-two years, a dad to three amazing human beings between the ages of fourteen and twenty, a keynote speaker, and a coach to a handful of successful entrepreneurs who want more than mere success. His writing went viral a bunch of times in the blogging days, resulting in an appearance on the TODAY Show and a feature in Reader’s Digest. Fun fact: other than the Bible, his writing is the only cited reference in The 5 Love Languages! His two non-fiction books—LOVEABLE and TRUE COMPANIONS—debuted as #1 New Releases in Interpersonal Relations on Amazon, and his first novel, THE UNHIDING OF ELIJAH CAMPBELL, has won multiple literary awards. He is married to another clinical psychologist named Kelly. Dr. Kelly and Dr. Kelly wreak havoc at airport security. They live in a little town in rural Illinois where, on any snowy morning before dawn, the streetlight outside their house is reminiscent of the lamp post in Narnia where Lucy met Tumnus.

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CLee

Richly layered reading experience.

Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2021

Verified Purchase

“True Companions” does not only appeal to your intellect as a reader but draws you to explore your inner most self like the finest therapy session you never realized you needed.

It’s rich layering of family stories, intimate letters and unshaken vulnerability not only creates the space for you to take your own journey of unveiling...but after carrying some of Dr. Kelly’s emotional baggage, yours won’t seem quite so heavy.

“True Companions” evinces, stirs, prepares, provides, reveals and abides.

Each chapter manages to speak to your truth on loneliness, perspective and emotions - like ingredients from your life recipe you failed to realize were missing in your relationships, including the one with yourself.

What an abundantly rich reading experience.

One person found this helpful

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Ed Perry

An important book on having the best loving relationships

Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2021

Verified Purchase

A few months before the COVID-19 pandemic began, my wife and I attended a marriage retreat led by Kelly Flanagan. Despite being married for years, we experienced a positive, lasting change in our relationship that has lasted through the tough days of being quarantined together. So when I noticed Kelly had a new book out, I was intrigued and chose to read it.

_True Companions_ is a delightful book! It _is_ about how to increase the quality of your relationship with your life partner, but it applies just as well to all one’s companions, including extended family and close friends.

The book describes how doing the right work at caring for ourselves enhances relationships with all our loved ones. It covers easy ways we can change how we communicate to prevent conflict and significantly enhance all conversations. Going deeper, it describes habits we might develop that create problems in how we relate to others…and how to let go of those habits if we experience them.

Without using jargon, the book describes the latest research on what we need from our relationships and how that need changes over time. For me, the most powerful point: The book explains how our perspectives change as we get older or if we get ill or injured, and as a result, how our companionship becomes our focus.

If I'd had this perspective when I was younger, I would have treated my loved ones and best friends very differently!

Armed with a new understanding of our life companions, the book discusses ways to assess the relationships we have and how to make the changes we desire to enrich those relationships.

The book is powerful in its impact, yet only requires 5 minutes a day to read. The writer illustrates each of his points with live examples that often made me think, “huh. That happened to me! I need to remember that point.”

I recommend this book highly to people who are seeking real, meaningful relationships in their lives. It’s very helpful for those whose work is dominating their lives and who feel they are losing touch with their companions.

This book is for anyone who recognizes that their most precious “treasure” in life is their loved ones and who wants to insure those relationships are strong enough to last.

One person found this helpful

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Sheri

A book for anyone wanting deeper, truer, relationships

Reviewed in the United States on February 11, 2021

Verified Purchase

Clinical psychologist, Kelly Flanagan, shares with wisdom and compassion about the relationships that matter most to us. I find Kelly’s writing to be thoughtful and honest as he shares about the love called “philia” which means companionship. This book helped me to identify that the homesick feeling I’ve felt for the past year or two, is really a form of loneliness, which is an unavoidable part of being a human. There is comfort in knowing that as I name and lean into the loneliness, I find true intimacy with God and others.

Kelly goes on to write candidly about ways that we protect ourselves in our most important relationships, exposing unhealthy ways we operate that keep others at a distance. I found it to be very practical. He ends the book with embracing the gift of our mortality. When we understand that our days are numbered, we are more likely to cherish those days, paying attention to the people we love the most and enjoying the simplicity of ordinary moments. Kelly teaches us how to bear witness to each others’ lives with grace because, as he quotes philosopher, Ram Dass, “We are all just here to walk each other home.”

I long for deeper, truer, friendships, whether that is with my spouse, a family member, or a friend. Kelly gifts us with not only his professional understanding of people but also personal stories that give some framework for how we are wired for love and connection and a taste of what true belonging can look like.

One person found this helpful

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Leslie P

A Journey to the Heart of Relationship

Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2021

Verified Purchase

We are, all of us, on a journey - an enduring adventure - taken in hopes of finding the truth and beauty of our own existence commingled with meaningful connections to those walking with us along the way.
Helping us orient that journey towards a place of true belonging, contentment and deepest companionship is at the heart of what Dr. Kelly Flanagan has done in True Companions, providing a beacon that illuminates both the rugged and redemptive parts of this path before us.
Deeply moving and from a space of authentic and relatable vulnerability, Kelly helps REORIENT our understanding of our own loneliness, REDEFINE the obstacles that often keep us sheltered from true growth, and REFOCUS our attention towards those whose lives are intertwined with ours. At the conclusion, it is as if we have received a great gift throughout these pages: the gift of being encouraged, empowered and equipped to face life’s journey intentionally connected to, and more fully present with, ourselves and our truest companions.

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Top reviews from other countries

BeKind

Valuable and Special insights on Relationships

Reviewed in Canada on February 4, 2021

Verified Purchase

“True Companions” is an enjoyable read full of depth, yet not dense. Relationships are much easier to understand when we understand the different forms of love that the Greek language expresses well with their four words for love: agape, eros, storge, and philia.
Dr. Kelly Flanagan challenges us to take a closer look at the concept of "unconditional love". Instead of embracing it romantically like "Mom's apple pie", he reveals what a loaded concept it actually is, and how much better we can be in our love if we just peek under the covers of our expectations. While every reader will probably take something a little different away from this book, based on their past and current relationships, there will be valuable and special insights for everyone.

One person found this helpful

Infinite

Nurturing Companionship

Reviewed in Canada on February 4, 2021

Verified Purchase

Encounter, embrace and restore the closeness you desire in your personal relationships. Both INSPIRATIONAL and HEARTFELT. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for EVERYONE who appreciates and desires the SIMPLICITY of life. Focusing on philia love, Kelly’s VISIONARY Book ‘TRUE COMPANIONS’ centres around the EXPRESSION of TRULY FEELING. More than just a good read, Kelly’s wise and gentle words IMPART quiet observation and reflection, LEADING to centred HEALING from WITHIN, for you and your companions - BUILD LASTING, HEALTHY and RESILIENT COMPANIONSHIPS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“True companionship must be the mutual agreement to make the observation of our own protections the goal of our days.”

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