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Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully Hardcover – March 19, 2024
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"Unlearning Silence is the book I wish I had when I started my career….This book is going to change the workplace for the better."—Pooja Lakshmin MD, psychiatrist & best-selling author of Real Self-Care
“A necessary read…Unlearning Silence offers an opportunity and tools to change things within and around us – for ourselves and those we love.” —Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
A paradigm-shifting book looking at the pervasive influence of silence and how we can begin to dismantle it in order to find our voices at home and at work
Having a seat at the table doesn’t mean that your voice is actually welcome. Knowing something is wrong doesn't mean it's easy to speak up. In fact, there are incentives for many of us to stay silent. Why speak up if you know that it won’t be received well, and in fact, often makes things worse?
In Unlearning Silence, Hering explores how we’ve learned to be silent, how we’ve benefited from silence, how we’ve silenced other people—and how we might choose another way. She teaches how to recognize and unlearn unconscious patterns so we can make more intentional choices about how we want to show up at home and at work. Only by unlearning silence can we more fully unleash talent, speak our minds, and be more complete versions of ourselves… and help other people do the same.
With compassion, clarity, and understanding, Hering guides readers through real-life examples and offers a concrete road map for doing this vital and challenging work.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPenguin Life
- Publication dateMarch 19, 2024
- Dimensions5.7 x 1 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-100593653602
- ISBN-13978-0593653609
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"A transformative guide that delves deep into the intricate dynamics of silence, unraveling why individuals often withhold their voices and the subtle ways they unintentionally stifle others. Unlearning Silence is a masterful exploration of the intricate art of communication. Run, don't walk, to read this book. It is such a powerful exploration of voice and the courage and space to use it." —TD Magazine
"A necessary read. With empathy and clarity, Elaine unpacks what makes it so hard to honor ourselves and talk with each other. Unlearning Silence offers an opportunity and tools to change things within and around us – for ourselves and those we love."
—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast
"Unlearning Silence is the book I wish I had when I started my career. Hering not only proves why silence is toxic, but, critically, goes a step further and shows us how to speak up in a way that is safe, values aligned, and has the greatest chance of being impactful. This book is going to change the workplace for the better."
—Pooja Lakshmin MD, psychiatrist & best-selling author of Real Self-Care
"Too often as women, we are told we are the problem. Books tell us to just be more confident. To show up and then speak up. Elaine goes deeper and shows us that the silence we've been indoctrinated by runs deep and it is what holds us back and makes us feel small. A must read for every leader."
—Deepa Purushothaman, author of The First, The Few, The Only
"We cannot heal our world if we do not unlearn silence. An inviting and essential read."
—Alex Elle, New York Times bestselling author of How We Heal
"Whether we have been socialized to keep quiet, punished for speaking up, or feel panic at the prospect of voicing our truth, our silence deprives the workplace and the world of our ideas and crucial contributions. Elaine Lin Hering’s amazing book provides the secret recipe for breaking silence once and for all! Everyone should read Unlearning Silence—including a lot of men who mute themselves and look the other way when sexism and bias rear their heads." —W. Brad Johnson, PhD, Professor of Leadership, Ethics, and Law, U. S. Naval Academy and coauthor of Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace
"Equal parts informative and inspiring. Unlearning Silence is at the core of negotiation, power, and influence. It is rare to find a book, like this one, that provides practical solutions to the problems it raises. Hering’s expertise is matched only by her empathy." —Alison Fragale, Professor of Organizational Behavior, University of North Carolina Kenan-Flagler Business School
"A balm to my wounded soul..."
—Rev. Danté Upshaw, Program Director & Campus Pastor - Baltimore Urban Studies.
"This is a clear, compassionate read, and an important one. I’ve rarely felt so seen and understood as when I read these pages. Creativity and innovation flow when people know how to use their voices, and leaders learn how to notice and disrupt patterns of silencing that haunt so many organizations, families and communities."
—Katherine Sarafian, Animation industry senior executive and Academy Award® winning film producer
"Unlearning Silence is a call to action for anyone who has been underestimated, told they shouldn’t speak out, and confined by stereotypes. Elaine has brilliantly pulled together a much needed roadmap for those looking to use the strength of their voice to build the teams, lives, and companies we need, while bringing out the best from the people they lead."
—Eric Toda, Director, Social Marketing at Meta & Managing Director of Meta Prosper
"We can't solve the world's most pressing problems - and innovate our way into the future - if we perpetually silence ourselves and others. Elaine turns conventional, inadequate advice to "just speak up" into actionable and effective strategies. A game changer for teams and leaders everywhere."
—Dorie Clark, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Long Game and Executive Education Faculty, Columbia Business School
"This book will transform your relationship with silence so that your voice can finally be heard!"
—Simon Alexander Ong, author of Energize
"Utterly refreshing, authentic and inspiring. As marginalised voices we can often believe it is our task to forge the way – to speak louder – but in a world full of noise and violence, Elaine Lin Hering’s thoughtful shepherding is a tonic. A majestic and reassuring book."
—Maxine Mei-Fung Chung, author of What Women Want
"Unlearning Silence is a stunning book that empowers readers to break free from the shackles of silence, unlock their inner voice, and put into practice actionable strategies that build confidence in speaking up." —Thomas Curran, Associate Professor, London School of Economics, chartered psychologist, and author of The Perfection Trap
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Penguin Life (March 19, 2024)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593653602
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593653609
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.7 x 1 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #386,882 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,595 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #4,145 in Leadership & Motivation
- #5,523 in Success Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I've facilitated leadership development experiences on 6 continents and across industries. I studied and have taught at Harvard Law School.
My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice. For non-spam tips on how to unlearn silence, join my email community https://hello.elainelinhering.com/newsletter
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book insightful and transformative. They describe it as a valuable resource that offers practical tips for navigating difficult conversations and thought-provoking exercises for self-reflection. The book provides words to describe their silence and know they're not alone. Readers praise the relatable stories and actionable ideas. They find the narrative quality thoughtfully chosen and clear, with step-by-step points. Overall, the book provides powerful insights about the dynamics of silencing and psychological safety.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book instructive and transformative. They say it offers practical tips for navigating difficult conversations and thought-provoking exercises for self-reflection. The book is considered an important resource for personal and professional growth, inspiring them to speak up and encouraging honest self-evaluation.
"...She offers numerous tips to gain the courage to speak up from starting small to a framework to analyze whether silence might be the better choice..." Read more
"...outlined the dangers around how organizations silence others and provided practical and actionable advice for leaders on how to honorably lift up..." Read more
"...passionate about women's empowerment, I found this book to be a transformative guide for anyone seeking to break free from the constraints of..." Read more
"...bring our voice into the space, and relatable stories that make the knowledge stick. If you have trouble speaking up, I highly recommend this book!" Read more
Customers find the book relatable and helpful for finding one's voice. They appreciate the storytelling, real-life examples, and actionable ideas. The book helps them feel understood and empowered to speak up with confidence.
"Written in an easy-to-read style, Elaine Lin Hering tackles the tension we all face daily: whether to speak up or stay silent...." Read more
"...Throughout the book, Elaine shares relatable, relevant stories that help paint a picture of each new concept...." Read more
"...What I particularly appreciate about "Unlearning Silence" is its relatability and accessibility...." Read more
"...applications to help bring our voice into the space, and relatable stories that make the knowledge stick...." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and engaging. It's a good choice for reading with a group or team. Readers say it makes them feel seen and enlightened.
"...process questions at the end of each chapter, this is a great book to read with your team, book club, or small group so you can start applying these..." Read more
"Thank you, Elaine Lin Hering, for this brilliant and much-needed exploration of how we as individuals, leaders, and participants in systems can..." Read more
"This is a must read for anyone who has ever felt overshadowed, misunderstood, and silenced...." Read more
"Elaine’s Unlearning Silence is enlightening and eye-opening...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's ideas and helpful questions, thoughts, and actions.
"...I work with, as they all (and everyone in between) will find actionable ideas and thought-provoking questions in this book...." Read more
"...yet makes the reader work though some helpful questions, thoughts, actions...." Read more
"...I appreciate the storytelling and actionable ideas. When I’m tempted to silence myself, I think of Elaine’s work and am encouraged to speak up!" Read more
Customers find the book's narrative engaging. They appreciate the carefully chosen anecdotes and clear approach points. The relatable stories help paint a picture.
"...Throughout the book, Elaine shares relatable, relevant stories that help paint a picture of each new concept...." Read more
"...and am so excited to have a dog-earned, annotated, highlighted version of Elaine's book...." Read more
"...Elaine uses thoughtfully chosen anecdotes and clearly lays out step by step points to approach situations of speaking up." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's pacing. They find it provides insightful and practical advice on why we stay silent and how to break the silence. The book also offers powerful insights into the dynamics of silencing, psychological safety, and how to break the cycle.
"...Unlearning Silence (Elaine) does an incredible job of providing insight to why we stay silent, practical applications to help bring our voice into..." Read more
"Unlearning Silence is a book both for those who have been silenced, and those who unintentionally silence others...." Read more
"...Elaine Lin Hering’s brilliant book is full of powerful insights about the dynamics of silencing, psychological safety, and systems that support..." Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2024Written in an easy-to-read style, Elaine Lin Hering tackles the tension we all face daily: whether to speak up or stay silent. She offers numerous tips to gain the courage to speak up from starting small to a framework to analyze whether silence might be the better choice in certain circumstances. This book will make you rethink how and when you speak up and make you a better leader and person.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 11, 2024This is a much-needed book today! Reading it made me feel seen. It helped me understand why I often stay silent in certain situations and how my silence can actually be harmful to myself and others. It also outlined the dangers around how organizations silence others and provided practical and actionable advice for leaders on how to honorably lift up the talent and ideas of their teams. Throughout the book, Elaine shares relatable, relevant stories that help paint a picture of each new concept. With process questions at the end of each chapter, this is a great book to read with your team, book club, or small group so you can start applying these concepts to your everyday life.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2024"Unlearning Silence" is a powerful and enlightening book that challenges the norms and empowers readers to reclaim their voices. As someone deeply passionate about women's empowerment, I found this book to be a transformative guide for anyone seeking to break free from the constraints of silence and embrace their authentic selves.
Hering's writing is both engaging and insightful, filled with helpful anecdotes and practical advice that resonate on a profound level. She masterfully addresses the societal and cultural factors that contribute to our conditioned silence, offering strategies to unlearn these behaviors and speak up with confidence.
What I particularly appreciate about "Unlearning Silence" is its relatability and accessibility. Hering's approach is compassionate and empathetic, making it easy for readers from all backgrounds to connect with her message.
I highly recommend "Unlearning Silence" to anyone ready to embrace their voice and make a difference in their personal and professional lives.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2024I wish I had this book 25 years ago as I attended my first leadership meeting with senior leaders. I had alternative ways of thinking about problems that I could not give voice to and would receive the feedback back of "you need to talk more in meetings." It was not helpful advice then or now as I help people find and share their voice.
Unlearning Silence (Elaine) does an incredible job of providing insight to why we stay silent, practical applications to help bring our voice into the space, and relatable stories that make the knowledge stick. If you have trouble speaking up, I highly recommend this book!
- Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2024Thank you, Elaine Lin Hering, for this brilliant and much-needed exploration of how we as individuals, leaders, and participants in systems can unlearn the harmful aspects of silence and shift culture in a more inclusive and equitable direction. This book accomplishes the impossible and speaks compellingly to people who feel silenced as well as those who feel comfortable with their voice - and then moves both groups to reflect on what they need to do at home, at work, and in life to support a culture of voice. I am going to be sharing copies with my students as well as the organizational leaders I work with, as they all (and everyone in between) will find actionable ideas and thought-provoking questions in this book. I cannot recommend Unlearning Silence highly enough!
- Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2024This is a must read for anyone who has ever felt overshadowed, misunderstood, and silenced. Elaine does a beautiful job dissecting the multiple reasons why we may feel this way and how to communicate more effectively. It's a must read for anyone looking to build more confidence to authentically speak up and show up. Highly recommend this important book for our time.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2024From the very first chapter, I found myself fervently nodding in agreement, chuckling at the all too relatable anecdotes, tearing up at your poignant reflections, and feeling deeply understood in a way I didn't even realize was missing. This book not only empowers individuals to find their voice but also drives meaningful change in business leadership, personal growth, and cultural evolution. To the author, thank you for giving silence a voice and for shining a light on the power of dismantling the barriers that hinder authentic expression and fulfillment.
“Unlearning Silence” seamlessly blends research-backed insights with lived experience, resulting in a comprehensive guide that is both enlightening and accessible. This invaluable resource offers practical tips for navigating difficult conversations and thought-provoking exercises for self-reflection, catering to both seasoned leaders and individuals striving for personal growth. Ultimately, “Unlearning Silence” serves as a catalyst for transformation, challenging readers to confront their fears, embrace vulnerability, and reclaim their power to speak their truth authentically. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone committed to unlocking their full potential and making a positive impact in their lives and communities.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2024I just finished reading it this morning and am so excited to have a dog-earned, annotated, highlighted version of Elaine's book. I know it's something I'm going to go back to time and time again. What I loved most is it acknowledges how Silence has harmed each of us, but also how we may be complicit in harm if we're not careful with how we use our voice and silence. Each section has such powerful gems. As a woman, a mother, a minority, an executive, an activist... I've never realized the role silence has played in my life.
Top reviews from other countries
- MKReviewed in Canada on June 14, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars A very relevant book
Loved the book. Just wow! This book is not only for leaders; everyone can benefit from it. It turned my life upside down. I realized how much more unlearning I needed to do, not silencing others, and recognizing when I'd been silenced by others. I started paying more attention to how I speak and listen to others, and I am happy to report that I'm seeing improvements in giving space to others.
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NEReviewed in Germany on May 5, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Augenöffner
Ich habe die englische Version des Buches gelesen.
Die Sprache war sehr angenehm und daher fand ich das Lesen auch sehr einfach.
Ich hoffe, die deutsche Übersetzung gelingt gut.
Das Buch gibt einen sehr guten Überblick dazu, wie wir unsere Stimme freiwillig oder unfreiwillig zuruckhalten, wie wir auch andere zum Schweigen bringen. Welche Rollen Vorannahmen und Systeme spielen.
Ich fand es sehr interessant zu lesen, weil es viel zum Nachdenken und Reflektieren anregt. Wenn man das Thema angehen möchte, ist es ein erster Schritt dieses Buch zur Bewusstseinsbildung zu lesen.
- Miss BReviewed in the United Kingdom on April 29, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Finding Your Voice
I really love Elaine’s work. Elaine is such a gifted writer and able to express the micro nuances that happen in social settings, some of which are very obvious and some of which might be very subconscious and deeply ingrained.. It can be extremely challenging for minority groups to have a voice and the oversimplified message ‘to just speak up’ is really not helping nor working. We all play a role in becoming more nuanced with our own biases and to help create a genuinely safe space for everyone to feel inclusive to speak up. Thank you Elaine for the work you do, it’s so inspiring and heart warming.