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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated) Paperback – October 25, 2022
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REVISED AND UPDATED * With a New Chapter on Trauma and Anxiety, a List of Resources, and More * 2023 Nautilus Book Award Winner * As Heard on Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things Podcast
The cultural phenomenon that has helped heal millions of readers, this modern classic holds the key to understanding codependency and unlocking its hold on your life.
Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another—has guided millions of readers toward the understanding that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins.
Is someone else’s problem your problem? If, like so many others, you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
This revised edition includes an all-new chapter on trauma and anxiety—subjects Beattie has long felt necessary to address within the context of codependency—making it even more relevant today than it was when it first entered the national conversation over thirty-five years ago.
- Print length336 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherSpiegel & Grau
- Publication dateOctober 25, 2022
- Dimensions5 x 0.5 x 8.25 inches
- ISBN-10195411821X
- ISBN-13978-1954118218
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon. . . . She understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift.”—TIME
“Codependent No More gave words to the masses who never had a way to describe these types of relationships in their lives . . . For so many, Melody’s book was a resource to help free themselves from something they may not have even recognized in their own lives—and 35 years later, it still is.”—Jen Hatmaker
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Spiegel & Grau; Updated edition (October 25, 2022)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 336 pages
- ISBN-10 : 195411821X
- ISBN-13 : 978-1954118218
- Item Weight : 12 ounces
- Dimensions : 5 x 0.5 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,549 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #4 in Twelve-Step Programs (Books)
- #6 in Substance Abuse Recovery
- #7 in Codependency (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles. Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986. Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child. “Beattie understands being overboard, which helps her throw bestselling lifelines to those still adrift,” said Time Magazine.
Melody was born in St. Paul, Minnesota in 1948. Her father left home when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother. She was abducted by a stranger at age four. Although she was rescued the same day, the incident set the tone for a childhood of abuse, and she was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout her youth. Her mother turned a blind eye, just as she had denied the occurrence of abuse in her own past.
“My mother was a classic codependent,” Melody recalls. “If she had a migraine, she wouldn’t take an aspirin because she didn’t do drugs. She believed in suffering.” Unlike her mother, Melody was determined to self-medicate her emotional pain. Beattie began drinking at age 12, was a full-blown alcoholic by age 13, and a junkie by 18, even as she graduated from high school with honors. She ran with a crowd called “The Minnesota Mafia” who robbed pharmacies to get drugs. After several arrests, a judge mandated that she had to “go to treatment for as long as it takes or go to jail.”
Melody continued to score drugs in treatment until a spiritual epiphany transformed her. “I was on the lawn smoking dope when the world turned this purplish color. Everything looked connected—like a Monet painting. It wasn’t a hallucination; it was what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls ‘a spiritual awakening.’ Until then, I’d felt entitled to use drugs. I finally realized that if I put half as much energy into doing the right thing as I had into doing wrong, I could do anything,” Beattie said.
After eight months of treatment, Melody left the hospital clean and sober, ready to take on new goals: helping others get sober, and getting married and having a family of her own. She married a former alcoholic who was also a prominent and respected counselor and had two children with him. Although she had stopped drinking and using drugs, she found herself sinking in despair. She discovered that her husband wasn’t sober; he’d been drinking and lying about it since before their marriage.
During her work with the spouses of addicts at a treatment center, she realized the problems that had led to her alcoholism were still there. Her pain wasn’t about her husband or his drinking; it was about her. There wasn’t a word for codependency yet. While Melody didn’t coin the term codependency, she became passionate about the subject. What was this thing we were doing to ourselves?
Driven into the ground financially by her husband’s alcoholism, Melody turned a life-long passion for writing into a career in journalism, writing about the issues that had consumed her for years. Her 24-year writing career has produced fifteen books published in twenty languages and hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. She has been a frequent guest on many national television shows, including Oprah. She and her books continue to be featured regularly in national publications including Time, People, and most major periodicals around the world.
Although it almost destroyed her when her twelve-year-old son Shane died in a ski accident in 1991, eventually Melody picked up the pieces of her life again. “I wanted to die, but I kept waking up alive,” she says. She began skydiving, mountain-climbing, and teaching others what she’d learned about grief.
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I had two failed marriages - first one I was married to a man with OCD... severe. I felt that I would change this man, that I would be able to make a difference and it didn't, it just made me a very unhappy person, which drove me to a relationship with food, it was a relationship which filled me up, made me mentally content, or so I thought only to see that the only thing from that relationship with food which I gained was weight and I was miserable. I knew that was a relationship I needed to sever, so I began getting help from a counselor and started seeing my unhappy life from a different perspective, getting the help, helped me see that it was not so hard to get out of. Yet I went back to what felt comfortable... and soon after that I went into another relationship, with a alcoholic man which I saw at the time as being a "social drinker"... another "victim" which I felt I could help, I could cure, I could change. Although he is now a recovering alcoholic, he put me through the mental wringer - this too ended in divorce. And then... the married, "I will get a divorce... cheated on his wife with me" boyfriend... three years I was with him and three years I listened to the lies he told me when I would see texts from other women... I lived in constant denial - we would break up and we would get back together... it was always me who wanted to make it work. Two days ago was the last straw! I said NO MORE!!! Wake up Linda and stop living a Lie!!
When I began seeing a counselor again a few months ago, this time with the yearning and longing to make a life change for the choices I make. My doctor suggested I read the book on codependency and I am three quarters through it. I've read so many eye opening moments. It is altering when you see that what you are going through you are not alone, and you begin to understand your worth, not by trying to change someone else's life, but by making the choice of taking control of yours! This book is helping my inner child grow up and see myself for the genuine and amazing person I am - I have so much to give myself! So much love, attention and respect! I have always looked for that in others, when really no one can give it to me if I don't give it to myself first! I have a new perspective on my life and the relationships I will allow in my life. Life is about choices... it's never too late to reevaluate and improve on oneself - this book has helped me open up my eyes to that! I am not closing them, and when I blink, I will reflect on the lessons I have learned from my failed relationships and my will to know the difference and to make a change for only better!