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Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class Hardcover – February 20, 2024

by Rob Henderson (Author)
4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 734 ratings
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In this raw coming-of-age memoir, in the vein of The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace, The Other Wes Moore, and Someone Has Led This Child to Believe, Rob Henderson vividly recounts growing up in foster care, enlisting in the US Air Force, attending elite universities, and pioneering the concept of “luxury beliefs”—ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class while inflicting costs on the less fortunate.

Rob Henderson was born to a drug-addicted mother and a father he never met, ultimately shuttling between ten different foster homes in California. When he was adopted into a loving family, he hoped that life would finally be stable and safe. Divorce, tragedy, poverty, and violence marked his adolescent and teen years, propelling Henderson to join the military upon completing high school.

An unflinching portrait of shattered families, desperation, and determination, Troubled recounts Henderson’s expectation-defying young life and juxtaposes his story with those of his friends who wound up incarcerated or killed. He retreads the steps and missteps he took to escape the drama and disorder of his youth. As he navigates the peaks and valleys of social class, Henderson finds that he remains on the outside looking in. His greatest achievements—a military career, an undergraduate education from Yale, a PhD from Cambridge—feel like hollow measures of success. He argues that stability at home is more important than external accomplishments, and he illustrates the ways the most privileged among us benefit from a set of social standards that actively harm the most vulnerable.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    336 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Gallery Books
  4. Publication date
    February 20, 2024
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 1.3 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1982168536
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1982168537
  8. See all details
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  1. I’ve come to understand that a warm and loving family is worth infinitely more than the money or accomplishments I hoped might compensate for them.
    Highlighted by 180 Kindle readers
  2. Even when you present opportunities to deprived kids, many of them will decline them on purpose because, after years of maltreatment, they often have little desire to improve their lives.
    Highlighted by 179 Kindle readers
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From the Publisher

Troubled

Editorial Reviews

Review

“A memoir of hardscrabble living, from foster care to the Air Force to Yale…. [Henderson] traces the contours of his remarkable and often-harrowing life, starting with his abandonment by his birth parents after serious mistreatment…. poignantly describ[ing] his rocky journey through numerous foster homes…. Shrewd on the narrowness and hypocrisy of elites… [he] is at his best in the frank observations about his trip up the ‘American status ladder’…. A blunt story about overcoming adversity.” —Kirkus Reviews

“Affecting…intriguing…heartbreaking...This eye-opening account lays bare the realities of America's deep economic and social divides.”
— Booklist

“In his superbly composed memoir, Rob Henderson illuminates an often overlooked segment of our nation. His profound saga — of his struggles as a foster kid attempting to pursue conventional badges of success and coming to realize the importance of family despite never having one — deserves careful attention.”
—Christy Carlson Romano, actress, co-founder of PodCo

“Troubled is an extraordinary document. It is a primary account of historical descriptions of life in working and lower middle class America in the late 20th-century. It is time to sit up and listen to the voices of those who have suffered because of the policies of the highly educated and affluent class that validates and affirms the behaviors and attitudes of marginalized children that they would never accept for themselves or their own children. Rob Henderson's story is breathtaking but all too familiar in this county. He reminds us that the child raised with experiences of abandonment and chaos will experience the same in their relationships and employment.”
—Dr. Drew Pinsky, author of The Mirror Effect

“Rob Henderson had an incredibly challenging upbringing—raised as a foster kid in circumstances most children (thankfully) never know. His educational achievements are extraordinary. What’s more extraordinary is that he’s a keen observer of both the world he came from and the world he now inhabits. He has learned the importance of family despite never having one of his own, and he delivers that message in a gripping way. Read this book. It will challenge both your heart and mind. A rare feat.”
—J.D. Vance, author of Hillbilly Elegy

“Troubled reads at times like Hillbilly Elegy or Tara Westover’s Educated…[a] remarkable book.”
—Naomi Schaefer Riley, Commentary

“Troubled is vivid, insightful, poignant, and powerful. Beautifully written, it is a moving memoir, a powerful description of the predicament of countless foster children, and a sophisticated social critique. Using his own astonishing life as a guide, Rob Henderson sheds light on the plight of foster children and the ways that elites and policy makers often adopt ideas that do not, actually, advance the interests of those who are most vulnerable in our society. Troubled is magnificent.”
—Nicholas A. Christakis, author of Blueprint, and Sterling Professor of Social and Natural Science at Yale University

“A captivating memoir about the travails of foster care, the discipline of military service, the importance of family, and the shock of discovering what has become of elite universities, told with a clear voice and focused determination.”
—Jordan B. Peterson, author of 12 Rules for Life

“This memoir is a profound account of a foster child overcoming severe adversity and achieving the unthinkable. Rob's story reminds us of the resilience of the human spirit against all odds and, most of all, what it means to be human. You will likely cry, feel shocked, yet remain hopeful while reading this heart wrenching book.”
—Yeonmi Park, author of While Time Remains

“[A] breakout memoir…Henderson, a brilliant young psychologist, illumines how harmful childhood instability is by reflecting on his own experience…. His eye is as keen as his intellect.”
—Judge Stephanos Bibas, the University of Chicago Law Review

About the Author

Rob Henderson grew up in foster homes in Los Angeles and the rural town of Red Bluff, California. He joined the US Air Force at the age of seventeen. Once described as “self-made” by The New York Times, Rob subsequently received a BS from Yale University and a PhD in psychology from St. Catharine’s College, Cambridge. His writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, and more. His weekly newsletter is sent to more than fifty thousand subscribers. Learn more at RobKHenderson.com.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Gallery Books (February 20, 2024)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1982168536
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1982168537
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.21 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.3 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 734 ratings

About the author

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Rob Henderson

Rob Henderson

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Rob Henderson is the author of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class. Once described as “self-made” by the New York Times, he grew up in foster homes in California, served in the US Air Force, and received a BS from Yale and a PhD in psychology from the University of Cambridge, where he studied as a Gates Cambridge scholar. In addition to his popular Substack newsletter, Rob’s writing has appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Boston Globe, among other outlets.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
734 global ratings
Important and moving book
5 Stars
Important and moving book
I highly recommend this book. I found Rob's story painful and the lessons important.I finished the book in 48 hours, and emphatically recommend it — especially if you are a college graduate. I remind myself often that a tenet of wisdom is not only reading books that make you uncomfortable, but making a good-faith effort to learn from them.Fair warning, early chapters put tears in my eyes. I’m still processing the themes, and already I’ve found myself trying to pin down the luxury beliefs I carry.Very well written.
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Top reviews from the United States

JF
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible book - heartwarming, heartbreaking, and at times hilarious
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
Verified Purchase
This story of a foster child who rose through the Air Force, Yale, and Cambridge will both warm and break your heart. Rob Henderson's insights as a psychologist and social critic make this a must read. He shares eye-opening stories about life in foster care and the struggle for a "troubled" young boy to improve his lot in life despite an environment priming him for self-destruction.

This is a book that will make you experience a full range of emotions in a single sitting. It reads easily, and excels at expressing Rob's internal thinking at various stages of his life. The author also has a Substack that dives deeper into many of the topics discussed in the book.
11 people found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating. Perhaps even lifechanging.
Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2024
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I'm a big fan of Rob Henderson's work and a long-time subscriber to his Substack, so I’m biased. But I think Troubled is essential reading because it makes you see your childhood (and everyone else’s) in a completely new light.

Rob writes, “I’ve never met anyone who has tried to imagine what it would have been like to grow up without family.” I am one of those people who have never tried to imagine such a thing. I always understood (intellectually) the importance of stability and family, but never deeply tried to understand it. Troubled, though, has made me *feel* it. As a result, I think this book has helped me become a better father. With a deeper understanding of how profound early parental influence is, I now put even more effort into making sure my child is loved and supported.

I initially bought a handful of copies to give to parents I know with foster children, but I will now also get additional copies to give to other parents I know.

Rob's story is remarkable, and that alone makes Troubled worth the read. But more than just a story, Troubled reveals important insights and lessons on family and children that can change lives. Perhaps this book will be a catalyst for change at a societal level (and I really hope it is).
18 people found this helpful
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Matt
5.0 out of 5 stars Best memoir I’ve read in years!!!
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
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If you are on the hunt for a book that's authentic, charming, thought-provoking, and inspiring, search no further.

Dr. Henderson's writing style, as he delves into the depths of his past experiences as his voice at that time, renders his stories immensely captivating.

It's a rarity for me to find myself both laughing and crying on the same page, yet Dr. Henderson's narrative manages to evoke a range of emotions.

His story is not only inspiring but also serves as a stark reminder of the daunting reality many young boys face growing up in the foster care system. Highly recommended.
3 people found this helpful
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jnezzy
5.0 out of 5 stars A profoundly worthwhile read
Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2024
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Rob Henderson’s memoir is a more academic and self-reflective version of your classic rags-to-riches story: the journey of a brilliant mind struggling to reconcile the working-class dysfunction of his youth with the utopian idealism of the elite. Yet despite the shocking, even heart-wrenching moments, Rob’s narrative never loses hope in the goodness of humanity. It’s raw and it’s fascinating, but most importantly, it’s a book that will make you take a step back and think about the way that you see the world. Rob is fortunate to tell his story from a place of elite accomplishment, self-awareness, and eloquence that most children of his background will never achieve. It will make you seriously consider what we are doing as a society to help ‘troubled’ children like him.
As a fellow first generation college student turned Ivy grad, Rob’s various writings have always resonated with me. I really enjoyed getting an in-depth glimpse of the influences that shaped Rob into the independent-thinking powerhouse that he is today.
6 people found this helpful
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Laurie
4.0 out of 5 stars A thought provoking and interesting read.
Reviewed in the United States on April 6, 2024
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This was a heartbreaking trip through the world of DSS and foster care but with the unnerving twist of holding up a mirror to the social elite and the unintended consequences of a flawed belief system. Thought provoking and intense.
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Apal922
5.0 out of 5 stars Compelling and insightful
Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2024
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This was an excellent read for many reasons. The story is very inspiring and hopeful. He makes many insightful points about class differences, but also about different walks of life in general. You never know where people are coming from and where they’ve been. This book is a good reminder about the power of love, and the destruction that often comes without it.
One person found this helpful
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Mira
5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read for Parents
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2024
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This is the first time I’ve ever left a customer review, but I wanted to rate it 5 stars. All parents should read this book. It is excellent and shows the importance of a loving home to raise children. Cannot recommend it enough. It’s an enjoyable, easy read while hitting on the most important topic there is - how to give your kids the best chance at a successful, happy life.
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Karl
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the most gripping and insightful books I have read (so far)
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
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Troubled is a shocking account of a boy raised in the foster care system. It is multiple books in one in that Henderson writes from the perspective he had at each stage of his life.

SPOILER ALERT - brief recap of the book.

Rob starts as a toddler, losing his drug addicted mom; a young boy being shuttled between nine different foster homes in 10 years; a young life of violence; teenage years of recklessness; then a sudden decision to join the military. The young part of is life is the part that I found most striking, and it helped me to understand that, when a boy has been betrayed by every adult in his life, it is hard to have a future orientation. The suppressed pain can become strong enough that physical fights and the associated pain can become a welcome distraction.

From there, Rob makes a sudden choice to join the military, which partially straightens his life around. He struggles with addiction and surprisingly makes it into Yale. He experiences culture shock between his poor, unstable childhood and the lives of the cultural elite, and forges a new paradigm through which to view these foreign ideas.

One of the parts I appreciated most was his recap at the end where he reviews the forces that shaped his life and how much, or how little, things could have worked out differently.

My recap is inadequate, so I recommend that you read this book. Your life will be enriched. Though it is simple to read, it is a deep book, and you may get something different out of it.
11 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Fema
5.0 out of 5 stars A captivating read
Reviewed in Canada on April 11, 2024
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"The military taught me that people don't need motivation; they need self-discipline. Motivation is just a feeling. Self-discipline is: "I'm going to do this regardless of how I feel". Often, what divides successful from unsuccessful people is doing what you don't feel motivated to do" - Rob Henderson in the book "Troubled".
Personal Reflection: My parents used to make me skip rope 100x, do 20x sit ups, read a chapter of a book, write a full page story, give me spelling tests, and extra math sheets everyday before I could play outside with my friends. I resented it then, but looking back, they were trying to instill me with the antidote to chaos - self-discipline. I'm sure other second generation immigrants of South Asian & Asian descent can relate and in hindsight appreciate this. As the good Dr Jordan B Peterson will say, "Go clean your room".

I worked in Child Protection Services for over a decade and it was nice to read the first hand perspective/memoir of someone from the other side. Thank you for this book Rob. A page turner with so many valuable life lessons.
One person found this helpful
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Cliente Kindle
5.0 out of 5 stars A remarkable read
Reviewed in Brazil on March 27, 2024
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Congratulations on your book! As a reader from Brazil, I must say it's been a remarkable read. I've placed it alongside Sowell's "A Personal Odyssey," and your work stands out for its ability to provide clarity amidst the often polarized perspectives prevalent in our country.

Your focus on the significance of family and your experiences in the military struck a chord with me, being both a military personnel and a psychologist. These aspects resonate deeply with my own journey and values.

I truly hope your book gets translated into other languages, particularly Portuguese, as it is a much-needed addition to the literary landscape. I believe it's essential reading, especially for young soldiers in the Brazilian Army, who could benefit greatly from the insights and perspectives you offer.

Congratulations on your outstanding work.
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hoehn
5.0 out of 5 stars Extraordinary perspective on American life
Reviewed in Germany on April 10, 2024
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The story of Rob is moving, insightful and nonetheless enjoyable to read.
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Tom Grey
5.0 out of 5 stars Best biography of a foster child from a very very unstable childhood into a Yale grad psychologist.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 1, 2024
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From the inside of elite Yale but coming from the far far outside of LA & CA foster care, Rob has a unique voice, a more authentic Point of View, and a penetrating intellect, combined with an honesty that is socially brutal. He coined the term “Luxury Beliefs” as an obviously true phrase to describe current pathologies of elite rhetoric, where “what they say” is far from “what they do”. The many insights already available in his substack and his X feed demonstrate the value of reading him, and taking him both seriously AND literally.

When an elite Yalie is criticized by a non-elite, the words are ignored, since all non-elite are eminently ignorable. But if it’s from a Yalie, it’s dismissed as hypocrisy – “you’re here, aren’t you?”. He was there, entering Yale in 2015, but that came after years of non-com service in the military, preceded by difficult years being raised first by a drug addict mom, then a series of foster homes, then a problematic adoption & divorce. He was in many schools with poor grades, but living real life stories of young men in bad situations. True stories of real harm, damage, and even death – so different from snowflakes who claim to be harmed by some Halloween costumes.

So many brief stories that are so human, often funny, funny-sad, and too often tragic. A series of snapshots of life among the majority of Americans w/o college degrees. Rob writes with such an empathic voice it’s as easy to keep reading as the first chapter of a Harry Potter book. The problem of elite beliefs is destroying civilization. Problems can’t be fixed unless they are accurately and honestly identified – Troubled, this book, does more to clarify the human problems of luxury beliefs than any other book.
Not just a good book. An important book making the important the point Rob makes: an unstable home is worse for children than poverty. The low number of foster care kids who get a college degree, 3%, is far lower than the 11% who get degrees tho their parents are in the bottom quintile of income (0-20%).

Rob seems to be in the process of becoming the leading psychologist advocating marriage and stable homes for children, with his own example and life experience as something to avoid. Reminds me of how my own father was a good example of what NOT to be as a husband and father.
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Gabriele Latini
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book i have read in my life for now
Reviewed in the Netherlands on March 26, 2024
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The story is breathtaking and once started, I felt it was difficult to detach my attention from the book. The level of detail with which Henderson describes his life's events, his emotions and the evolution of his personality and perception is impressive.
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