From Under the Hood: Therapy Twins' Guide to a Smoother Ride

Narrated by Change, Navigated by Jane and Joan

Balboa Press

Contents

The Mind Is the Steering Wheel of the Brain

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

— Leo Tolstoy

Either we didn't get it, or it was too fucking hard. How could we change when every part of our lives — especially our thoughts — mimicked an idling car?

It's no wonder the first half of our lives was pretty negative. And negative things just kept coming. We didn't realize the roles we were playing in the production of our minds. Anything to keep that applause coming. We were Academy Award winners at "poor me," and queens of sarcasm, resentment, and anger. And fear. Let's not forget about fear. Ahh, United we suffer!

Who would have guessed that your thoughts could be a lie? Investigate and challenge them. Hire a private detective if needed. The brain you're born with doesn't have to be the one you live with all your life. Just like you choose to landscape your property or your body hair, remove a stain from your favorite shirt, remodel your Harley, or purposely rip a pair of jeans to make them stylish, if you don't like where you are you can change it!

You are not a tree, although you may feel like one. We aren't putting you down; we were once trees deeply rooted in patterns of stagnation, like members of a chain gang. We get it; change can be scary, and it often happens slowly. What a bummer! How boring and frankly, unsettling. It would be so much friendlier if it happened quickly. Don't you agree? So read on to make change happen pronto!

What we didn't get for a long time was if you make a conscious choice to change your thoughts about a situation or yourself, you've just flipped a switch. That's great, right? You might have been stuck in traffic for hours, but don't worry. Once you've flipped that switch, there will be movement. The freeway is now open.

So if you find yourself in a gridlock, traffic jam or rush hour take a moment to listen to your thoughts and feelings, and then think again. If they are in any way negative, ask yourself as many times as it takes, how's that working for me? Just as a pathological liar believes his or her lies as truth, you can, too, positive or negative. Your words and thoughts are boomerangs ... your choice. At any given moment, fill a glass halfway with water. Now try to convince yourself that it's not only half empty, but it's half full as well. Both are true. But which will you choose? Remember, the mind is the steering wheel of the brain.

We think now is the time to throw in the definition and breakdown of a really big word: "neuroplasticity." Neuro refers to the brain, and plasticity describes the ability to change. So there you have it; not brain freeze but brain change! Think about that. In other words, the placebo effect. The placebo effect occurs when one has a response when given a neutral treatment. The mere belief that one received a medication, for example, causes a physiological change; be it positive or negative.

So choose your thoughts, and your mind will obey. Seem paralyzing and confusing? We know this sounds like a bunch of bullshit, so let's rewind for a moment.

We grew up listening to Muhammed Ali tell the world, "I'm the greatest," and Dr. Seuss told us, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose" Clearly we weren't listening. How about you?

Throwback to the eighties, when Joan's crippling anxiety echoed fear around every corner, causing her to stop driving. She pretty much expected Jane to be a chauffeur. Jane, tired of driving, decided to help Joan change her behavior rather than challenge that avalanche of fear stored in her memory banks since birth. We don't recommend you try this technique. Ever. By bringing the car to a screeching halt on a busy three-lane highway, Jane gave Joan the choice that if she wanted to see Mommy or Daddy, she had to drive. Even though it required another shower that day, Joan was grateful. She was driving again, which led to a shift in her thinking about driving. Imagine that we began to realize if it's too hard to challenge a thought, begin with changing a behavior. Today, driving a stick shift, no less, happens to be one of Joan's favorite pastimes.

Objects in Mirror Are Closer than They Appear

"No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future".

— Umar Ibnal-khattaab

By definition, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) occurs when you've been a victim of, experienced, or witnessed a traumatic event. Untreated or poorly treated, PTSD symptoms will most certainly lead to anxiety and depression. Basically, anxiety and depression are like siblings. Both are there, one just having more horsepower than the other.

While waiting for her ride, Joan was violently beaten and mugged at age eighteen in Poughkeepsie. Winded, after being hit in the chest, she couldn't yell for help. After helplessly being robbed of both her saddle bag and her innocence, she crawled into the bushes, to hide, fearfully waiting for her ride. Call for help? Nope, she no longer had a dime for the nearby phone booth.

A young man finally walked by. Joan leapt and clung to him, still speechless, until her ride came. For how long is not nearly as important to note as the time it took for her to let go of the lingering fear, pain, and anger.

As if that wasn't enough, in 1985, Joan was sexually assaulted in her family home. Afterward, she exhibited classic rape-victim symptoms, including sitting on the shower floor for long periods while the water rolled upon her, bathing three or more times a day, and using a scrub brush — because the washcloth certainly wasn't enough — to wash her skin until it was excoriated.

Joan experienced the most common symptoms, such as flashbacks, illusions, exaggerated startle reflex, hypervigilance, extreme anxiety, violent outbursts, volatile relationships, and insomnia to name a few (and one that has yet to make it to the DSM-V).

Visual and auditory illusions, for example, were a regular part of Joan's daily existence. She often caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye. Whether it was a piece of hair, a spot on the wall, or merely her eyeglasses. Because of her exaggerated startle reflex, she would jump as if it were a shadow of someone or a bug on the wall. She also heard her name being called when no one was there. That's the one that needs to be added to the DSM! Unfortunately, her symptoms didn't lead Joan to treatment for another ten years.

Jane, on the other hand, didn't realize she also had PTSD. Her symptoms were often clumped together in a diagnosis of depression and anxiety as her symptoms weren't those typical of someone with PTSD. Jane's symptoms included a history of impulsivity and reckless behaviors. You know, when you are finally motivated to leave the house or your bed and walk into an expensive boutique. You have a credit card that happens to have lots of available credit. It wasn't unusual for Jane to charge upwards of $1,000 in under an hour. Jane also had a feeling of detachment from the world around her, difficulty experiencing positive emotions, a delayed startle, flashbacks and of course, insomnia. Her admission to more reckless behaviors is available upon request.

Jane's first clue that something might be wrong occurred on receiving her fifth-grade school photo. After one look at the picture, Daddy responded, "Jane, if you don't start smiling, Mom and I aren't going to pay for these pictures anymore."

Around the tiny age of two, Jane remembers, like a brief video, standing in the second-floor hallway. Mommy was busy in the kitchen, talking with her sisters, and in the other direction was a long staircase. Jane knew her diaper needed changing and remembers assessing both directions. Story has it that she fell down the stairs, requiring stitches in her chin. Jane still wonders if she deliberately threw herself down the stairs to avoid the potential for feeling the abominable sense of shame.

After the fall downstairs, Jane knew of nothing else but ample fear and anxiety as a child, which was masked on and off by severe depression. Completely unaware of this, Jane moved through life experiences almost dissociating, unaware of her feelings. She only knew the sadness with which she awoke each morning and feelings of not wanting to be of this earth.

Therapy Twins® tried to get help here and there through therapy and a myriad of natural remedies and pharmaceuticals. For them, however, it wasn't until they nurtured their bodies, minds, and spirits that something clicked. Kind of like driving your new car for the first time and feeling, Oh, the possibilities ahead.

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go."

— Rumi

History repeats itself unless something changes. What you put out — good or bad — returns to you, whether you think you've summoned it or not. Jane could have continued playing the tragic violin, depressed and isolated. But it became exhausting and definitely wasn't working in her favor, so she chose to do something about it. Not! Joan could have continued living in a horror flick, frightened to death, getting kicked out of public places and family gatherings, tired of being easily agitated, going from zero to sixty in 2.2 seconds. Also exhausted, she finally did something about it. Not!

So did bad things happen to us? Yes. Did we experience trauma? Ofcourse. Did we have a problem with authority?

Definitely. Did we ever get arrested? Absolutely, Get help? God no!

What we didn't know then but can share with you now is that we had choices. Not only did we have choices, but by holding onto the horrors of the past like badges of honor, we unknowingly made the choice to disallow ourselves the joys of living in the present and the notions of having glorious futures.

You might be thinking, but my past made me who I am! And you'd be correct. We aren't saying to let go of your memories; we're sure they make for great conversations. But how can we live in the present if we're letting our pasts govern our lives? One foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow make for a guaranteed twilight zone existence.

It got so bad that Jane often thought the hottest guys in the bar were approaching to hit on her. In truth, they just leaned in far enough to ask, "Is it really that bad?"

Joan's temper got so bad that she was nicknamed "Matilda" — not after the French doll, but for a vengeful spirit in a popular thriller who takes on the form of the Tooth Fairy, not leaving coins in exchange for teeth, but leaving havoc! (Well, in the movie, Fairy Godmother killed the children, but Joan wasn't that bad.)

Negative things just kept happening to us. We just didn't realize the roles we played in our own movies to keep the applause coming. Say what? Remember, whether negative or positive, thoughts become reality, so if you choose the negative ones, your reality will mirror negative experiences. Another way of saying it is that your thoughts — and equally important, the feelings behind them — offer you a road trip with an exit to paradise or the twilight zone. The choice of which off-ramp you take is yours as the mind is the steering wheel of the brain. This is the moment to leave old lies in the rearview mirror and embrace the new you. Put your hands on ten and two, and drive.

Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to choose some tiptop thoughts that will make a shift in your reality that mirrors more positive experiences. Still confused? Go back to Mohammad Ali and Dr. Seuss. If that's too hard right now, think about what President Teddy Roosevelt said: "Believe you can and you are halfway there."

Let's start doubting our negative views of our lives and ourselves and instead choose different roads, paths, trails and expeditions in favor of a better life. We can then choose to be the drivers of our stories and our perceptions. Or, we can choose to remain in park or even drive in reverse.

No matter which choices we make, there will be movement. It's not always positive on the surface — even if you can't see or feel it. Why not choose acceleration and positive free will to maximize desired outcomes; rather than idling or driving miserably in reverse. Again, the choice is yours, it's really always been yours.

Think about a baby who is smiling at everything new, until they are taught negative emotions ... fear, anger, horror, guilt and shame. Unfortunately, Therapy Twins® were bred to utilize their five senses as

1. Hear the negativity.

2. See the horror.

3. Touch the gloom.

4. Smell the fear.

5. Taste the bitterness.

But Therapy Twins® give you the green light to

1. Hear the positivity.

2. See the beauty.

3. Touch the happiness.

4. Smell the confidence.

5. Taste the sweetness.

Practice living in the present moment ... a lot! Worship your five senses for at least five minutes a day. Really notice the gift in what each one offers in that instance.

Accept it as perfect for now because living in the past fuels your sadness, and living in the future ignites anxiety. Remember, not making a choice turns out to be a choice. Making the same mistake twice or three times happens to be a decision. Darn it!

Therapy Twins® give you the green light to recall repeatedly that gratitude is the greatest driver of a grounded life.

Evolutionary Detours

"Everybody's talking at me, can't hear the word they're sayin, only the echoes of my mind."

— Harry Nilsson

Subconscious, selective listening. If you can believe it, this is how we began primitive coping styles. Clearly, we weren't listening to our higher selves because the echoes of our minds reverberated louder than the words of our family, friends, teachers, mentors, textbooks, or self-help anything. Still resistant to change, we used immature coping skills with ease since mature ones require, you know, looking honestly at yourself and your part in the issue at hand. Accountability? Fuck that sideways!

If you're anything like us (or the echoes of our past), change happened slowly, or not at all. Sloths were our inspiration, and shortcuts, or evolutionary detours — were always welcomed. The pursuit of emotional growth and positive change was further hindered by the fact that we were identical twins, idling by, leaning on each other like a pair of tires on the same truck. Jackknife!

Fast forward to the 90's when Jane got a divorce and moved back to Connecticut, it seemed all too arduous for Jane to make friends. Her mind echoed the false belief that no one wants to be friends with a negative Nellie. So what's the use of trying?

The most obvious detour in this situation? Jane decided to adopt Joan's friends as her own. Now how easy was that? Insta-friends by association, and she wouldn't have to change a thing. She could go on believing her old negative Nellie story and still achieve the desired outcome. Genius! It took her years before she was comfortable befriending anyone on her own.

Joan, holding a 1.9 GPA in college and repeatedly threatened with being kicked out of the dorms, believed she had a choice to make. She could struggle to become a mere college dropout (with many failed alternative career attempts, like becoming a pilot). Or she could attempt to follow in Jane's footsteps by becoming a registered nurse who could afford to buy fantastic shoes on a regular basis. Of course, this seemed like a no-brainer.

Since Joan was frightened to death of the academic process and even more so at the notion of failing, Jane volunteered to go on the college interview for her. After all, she was already a nurse. Jane slam-dunked the interview, and Joan was accepted to Quinnipiac College (please keep that part between us!). Joan repaid the favor after the birth of Jane's son. Yup, Jane got it ... postpartum depression. What a surprise! One more plus of being an identical twin — Joan's happy face became the surrogate mom.

We kept hearing (or selectively not hearing, whatever the case may be) that happiness is a journey, and you make your own. Ugh! Really? Couldn't it just happen? Couldn't we just pass the buck? Darn it! We had to actually do something?

After many years of employing the definition of insanity — trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results we finally succumbed to the idea that maybe our coping mechanisms weren't working for us but against us. Maybe we weren't the brilliant, emotionally evolved individuals we believed ourselves to be. Perhaps it was time we embarked on one of those metaphorical road trips.

We could probably supply a dozen examples to drive this point home. But we'll spare you the details for now in hopes that you're beginning to understand you don't have to do it alone. It's okay to need some help, and sometimes you must ask. And sometimes you just must get behind the wheel.

You have the green light from Therapy Twins® to make any change, even if it's simply your new mantra, "I'm ready to change."