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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Hardcover – Big Book, September 5, 2004

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 10,750 ratings

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Come discover one of the greatest secrets to a successful relationship! Love & Respect is A New York Times?best-selling marriage book making a difference with over two million copies sold! Help you and your spouse achieve a deeper level of intimacy by stopping the crazy cycle of conflict, developing better communication skills, and enjoying renewed passion.

Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find. While both men and women deserve both love and respect, in the midst of conflict the driving need for a woman is love and the driving need for a man is respect. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy.

Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Love and Respect is for anyone: those in marital crisis, the happily married, engaged couples, pastors and counselors, and small groups. This dynamic and life-changing message is impacting the world, resulting in the healing and restoration of countless relationships.

In Love & Respect couples can find:

  • How to break down the communication code between spouses
  • How to handle conflict in a relationship
  • How to build respect for one another
  • How to foster a deep love for one another
  • How to rekindle passion for one another

Taking God’s biblical practice of marriage and applying it with practical techniques, Emerson Eggerichs shows how mutual Love and Respect can balance a marriage and encourage a successful relationship.

Pair Love & Respect?with the Love & Respect Workbook for Couples, Individuals, and Groups for an added experience and to dig deeper into your relationship and foster understanding with your partner. Love & Respect?is also available in Spanish, Amor y Respeto.

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From the Publisher

What People Are Saying About the Love & Respect Revolution

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Shaunti Feldhahn - social researcher and best-selling author of For Women Only and For Men Only

“Millions of lives and marriages – and in many ways, our whole culture – are completely different today because of the work of Emerson Eggerichs and Love and Respect ministries...Emerson and I both felt, when our books were published in 2004 (three weeks apart!) that God wanted to change the paradigm in our culture for how everyone viewed the needs of men and women, and especially to understand that men’s primary need is respect. Ten years later, that paradigm has truly been changed, largely through Emerson’s pioneering work and leadership. It is awe-inspiring to look back and watch how God’s hand has moved through the Love and Respect ministry every step of the way.”

Michael Hyatt - Former Chairman and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Although we have read numerous books on marriage and attended many seminars, this one was truly unique. In fact, it is probably the most helpful one we have ever experienced. Gail and I were so impressed with the seminar and the book that we are considering starting a couple’s class this fall in our home. We have ordered the DVDs, because we want people to get the content directly from Emerson. He is a great communicator.”

Meg Meeker, M.D., physician and best-selling author of Strong Mothers, Strong Sons.

"As a pediatrician of 30 years, I can say without question, the single most important gift any parent can give his child is a healthy marriage. Love and Respect gives every married or engaged person the tools necessary to build a strong marriage., There is no other program or book that offers such clear, sage and workable advice anywhere in the marriage aisles of bookstores. I can tell you that the lessons I learned in the book, helped my marriage."

Dave Ramsey - NY Times best-selling author and radio host. America's trusted voice on money and business.

"Occasionally I run into somebody whose material, what they’re teaching, and the quality of the person rocks my world. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs spoke at our offices the other day and had our team laughing and crying and punching each other, in a loving way of course. When my oldest daughter got married, this was one of her favorite books."

love and respect love and respect workbook The Language of Love & Respect The Language of Love & Respect love and respect devotional love and respect for a lifetime
Love & Respect Love & Respect: The Workbook The Language of Love & Respect The Language of Love & Respect: The Workbook The Love & Respect Experience Love & Respect For a Lifetime
Customer Reviews
4.7 out of 5 stars
10,750
4.6 out of 5 stars
3,033
4.6 out of 5 stars
695
4.4 out of 5 stars
119
4.8 out of 5 stars
290
4.5 out of 5 stars
627
Price $15.85 $9.89 $10.99 $9.99 $15.00 $11.99
Type of Product Self-help book Workbook Self-help book Workbook Devotional Gift book
Brief Description The original book, designed to help couples love each other more efficiently. The workbook accompaniment to the original book. Using the principles of Love & Respect, this book focuses on communication. The workbook accompaniment to the book on communication. 52 devotionals based on the material of Love & Respect A beautiful gift book edition that distills down the most important tips from Love & Respect
love and respect mother and son before you hit send love and respect love and respect
Love & Respect In the Family Mother & Son Before You Hit Send Love and Respect Live Marriage Conference DVD - 10 Session Study Love and Respect Building Block DVD Study - Couples' Kit
Customer Reviews
4.8 out of 5 stars
667
4.7 out of 5 stars
1,185
4.4 out of 5 stars
86
4.7 out of 5 stars
400
4.6 out of 5 stars
44
Price $11.29 $15.99 $1.82 $5,904.19
Type of Product Self-help book Self-help book Self-help book DVD Study Complete Study Package
Brief Description Based on the principles of Love & Respect, a guide for parents to receive respect and children to receive love. Based on the principles of Love & Respect, a guide for mothers to learn to both love and respect their sons. Based on the principles of Love & Respect, a guide to better and healthier digital communication. The Love & Respect conference DVDs The DVDs are divided into 10 sessions with introductions to each conference session from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It is perfect for individuals, couples and small groups. The pack includes: the DVD's containing all 6 sessions, 2 Study Guides and 1 of our keepsake Building Blocks

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Discover the Single Greatest Secret to a Successful Marriage

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.

Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: in marital crisis...wanting to stay happily married...who's feeling lonely. It's for engaged couples...victims of affairs...pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage.

Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: - stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict - initiate the Energizing Cycle of change - enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion

And if you'll take this biblically based counsel to heart, your marriage could be next!

About the Author

Emerson Eggerichs, PhD, is an internationally known communication expert and author of the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect. Just as Dr. Eggerichs transformed millions of marital relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, he also turned these principles to one of the most important relationships of all in Mother & Son: The Respect Effect. As a communication expert, Emerson has also spoken to groups such as the NFL, NBA, PGA, US Navy SEALs and members of Congress. He was the senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan for almost twenty years. Emerson holds a PhD in child and family ecology from Michigan State University, a BA in Biblical Studies from Wheaton College, an MA in communications from Wheaton College Graduate School, and an MDiv from the University of Dubuque Theological Seminary. He and his wife Sarah have been married since 1973 and have three adult children.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Thomas Nelson; 1st edition (September 5, 2004)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 324 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1591451876
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1591451877
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.08 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.5 x 1 x 9.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 10,750 ratings

About the author

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Emerson Eggerichs PhD
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Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of marriage, parenting, communication and more. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs developed the Love and Respect Marriage Conference which he presents to live audiences around the country. This dynamic and life-changing conference is impacting the world resulting in the healing and restoration of countless relationships.

Well known as a dynamic speaker, Dr. Eggerichs has spoken to audiences across the spectrum. He has spoken to NFL owners and coaches, PGA players and their spouses and the New York Giants at their stadium in NJ. But most honoring to him was being invited by the military brass to speak to the troops in Iraq.

Dr. Eggerichs has graduate degrees from Wheaton College and Dubuque Seminary and a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology from Michigan State University. He has authored 14 books, including the New York Times bestseller Love and Respect, which is a Platinum and Book of the Year award winner, selling over 1.6 million copies.

Prior to launching the Love and Respect Conferences, Dr. Eggerichs was the senior pastor of Trinity Church in Lansing, MI for nearly 20 years. Emerson and Sarah have been married for 40 years and have three adult children. He is the Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
10,750 global ratings
The negative reviews are confusing... Isaiah 44:18 may offer some insight?
4 Stars
The negative reviews are confusing... Isaiah 44:18 may offer some insight?
Summary: I was recommended this book by a God loving and staunch Christian brother. Before writing this review, and AFTER completely reading the book, I decided to read some of the reviews, mostly the negative ones, so see what reviewers were saying, and what I found was completely 180 degrees out from my conclusion.Observations: The cornerstone Bible verse of this book is Ephesians 5:33. The book is organized into three sections, and the 3rd section concludes that it is one's personal relationship with God that enables a marriage to overcome the trials and tribulations of this world (one negative review said it's not about Jesus, I don't understand that comment in light of section 3).If you read this with an open mind and heart, and a desire to glorify God in your marriage, the Holy Spirit will reveal truth to you. For those with a closed mind, and hardened heart, this verse comes to mind:"They do not know, nor do they understand, for He has smeared over their eyes so that they cannot see and their hearts so that they will have no insight." Isaiah 44:18 LSBStandard (hardcover) vs. Deluxe (paperback, including workbook): I ordered a few extra copies to give away, and decided to order the paperback, and was pleased to find that there is a deluxe edition, which includes a workbook.Conclusion: Rating this book 5-stars, and highly recommended. Mr. Emerson's work in this area is truly an answer to a calling to build up the Body of Christ, through strong marriages, which enable strong families, which enables strong churches, which enables strong communities.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2024
This book is great for couples!!! Very encouraging and faith based. Highly recommended!!!
Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2024
It is an important, easy read. It does get to be repetitive, but the message is understandably essential! I don't know that my marriage will be again, but I know how to Love with God now, and it feels powerful.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2011
This marriage book doesn't bash either side. Women and men have different needs. According to Dr. Eggerichs, they hear vocal and body language differently. Understanding the difference is the secret behind better communication and "Love & Respect" given one to another. It is sound, down-to-earth information that truly is a NEW perspective. Even men will listen. But this book may work if only one spouse reads and applies what is found.

Past marriage suggestions typically push the man to changing his nature and becoming more feminine in response to his love seeking wife. This author points out that God didn't make man feminine, so why should he change? He does offer many suggestions as to how to understand what a wife is searching for and how best to communicate to her needs and feelings. The opposite is true for women. God didn't make women to have more body than mind need, as men. Why try to make one turn into the other? The answer, according to "Love & Respect" is the husband learning to see the woman's need for love needs, and for the wife noting the man's needs and different ways of coping.

Thus, mutual understanding is as important as mutual communication. But...communication must be in a form recognized by the spouse. This need-meeting takes into consideration not only Biblical principals, but new scientific brain function evidence. They seem to go hand in hand.

This is not simply a Christian approach, although Dr. Eggerichs pulls no punches about his own beliefs and pulls scripture to back many statements. Also the book is endorsed and supported by Dr. Dobson and "Focus on the Family."

Having remarried after becoming a widower, I have duel opportunity to look at the legitimacy of what is written. This is solid marriage relationship instruction. Highly recommended, at any age.

A PERFECT WEDDING GIFT FOR THE NEW BRIDE & GROOM, any faith.

My wife and I love the large print, due to aging eyes, but it also makes the book pages turn faster.
Part One: THE CRAZY CYCLE defines the problem of communication between man and female in a new light. No blame, just different.
Part Two: THE ENERGIZING CYCLE is the meat. It takes you thorough the female needs of Closeness,Openness,Understanding,Peacemaking,Loyalty,Esteem. Then it looks at the male's needs of Conquest,Hierarchy,Authority,Insight,Relationship,Sexuality.
"Not wrong, just different." Part 2 may be all you need to read.
Part Three: THE REWARDED CYCLE concludes the pink and blue differences and opportunity to improve any marriage, even those not in danger. Includes a generous appendix of things to do together to help your love and respect grow.

Also recommended is a set of DVDs with this author presenting the material of this book. Good for groups or couples. Not pricey when you consider the excellent results. The author is quite a humerus, entertaining presenter.
A MUST for church, family counselor, and public library shelves.
8 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 30, 2020
I love this book because it removes the mystery of communication between men and women in a huge way. I've heard all my life how utterly different men and women are, and I've heard much more about how men seem to be more lacking in understanding. I used to joke and make comments about 'poor men' which I'm sure was immediately picked up as being disrespectful. I didn't really understand what I was doing as I was still very young, but I'm glad I eventually dropped that habit. I give the credit to God because I believe His Spirit was at work in my heart changing the way I treated and thought about guys, without my understand why. I went through some painful, lonely seasons of life where I didn't know what to say to certain people present in my life, all I felt led to do was keep my mouth closed because everything I WANTED to say would have been disrespectful and offensive. I'm glad for the wisdom of God that kept me and delivered me from such a disrespectful attitude, when I didn't even know what was going on.

This book was recommended to me by a woman who became my close friend on the missions field. She was a very wise woman who was married with children, both she and her husband in the ministry, with many years of marriage already behind them, and their relationship just "glowed". There was something about them that just drew me in. I am at the age where I could meet someone and be married within a short period of time, and she was so loving and patient in explaining many of these principles and why they were so, then said if I could read any book on marriage this would be the one to read.

I recommend this book for everyone. I am still single, with no marriage partner even on the radar, but I feel this book has been so helpful in explaining the inner workings of both men and women that anyone old enough to consider having a boyfriend or girlfriend SHOULD read this book. It really removes the mystery of how to talk to people and proves over and over again that doing things in a loving and respectful manner will bring rewards for everyone. I especially recommend this book to those that have not yet graduated high school. This is quite the education! And will bless them far more than any academics they can learn at school. These are life lessons of an incalculable nature. Priceless.

Thanks again to Dr. Eggerichs for blessing us with his experience and the wisdom he was given.
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Top reviews from other countries

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Dipak Kumar Das
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing perspective and revelations
Reviewed in India on July 12, 2023
This book is literally the answer of so many of my prayers. The answers that I have been searching for years I came across in this book.
Thanks Amazon for delivering a fresh and a good book in right condition. Just love it.
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Dipak Kumar Das
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing perspective and revelations
Reviewed in India on July 12, 2023
This book is literally the answer of so many of my prayers. The answers that I have been searching for years I came across in this book.
Thanks Amazon for delivering a fresh and a good book in right condition. Just love it.
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One person found this helpful
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Miamaid
5.0 out of 5 stars It’s a keeper!
Reviewed in Germany on December 12, 2022
This book is amazing. Our pastor recommended this book to us. And we r glad he did. Very helpful learning about relationships and marriage. This book is going on our selves, it’s a keeper!
I recommended it if you are going into relationship, and married couple!
Perfect gift book ❤️ after you read it 😉
SM
5.0 out of 5 stars Great relationship book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 12, 2022
This is a great book. It explains how best to communicate with your partner and why we get into arguments. Also how your partner sees a situation differently than you and why they do. How to love your wife (not sexually) and how to show your husband respect. Women, you may think you don't but you do! Also some handy advice at the back of the book, with questions to ask yourself.
Fen
5.0 out of 5 stars Salvó a mi matrimonio
Reviewed in Spain on April 19, 2020
Este libro puede cambiar tu vida y salvar tu matrimonio. Siempre y cuando tengas un marido, que en el fondo te quiere y no te maltrata.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is important. Even for singles
Reviewed in Australia on May 14, 2020
As a single person, this has put me in a better position for entering the dating world.
Understanding the differences between men and women has helped me understand needs that I have that I haven't been able to put words to.
I see the principles at work in both positive and negative ways in different relationships around me.