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So, What's Your Proposal?: Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds! Paperback – September 16, 2014
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Complain! Complain! Complain! Have you ever dealt with high-conflict people who blame you or others for one problem after another without taking any responsibility themselves? Don’t you feel like wringing their necks?
Instead, consider the simple method taught in this book for getting them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly focus on the future, take responsibility and contribute to finding solutions to problems including those they created themselves or any problem.
When people complain and blame you, you don’t need to defend yourself or get angry back. Just calmly say: So, what’s your proposal?” and focus on teaching the simple 3-step method explained in this book. This method will help you stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you even those who want to blame you!
And blame is abundant these days! Every day dozens, if not hundreds, of people confront us at work, at the store, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, with the 24-hour news cycle, and with Twitter, Facebook and the Internet, we hear constantly about the worst behavior of other people and dozens of terrible problems. The strong temptation is to react and blame others back. However, this just feeds the problem.
This book shifts the conversation from the past and blame, to the future and problem-solving. The book teaches a simple method which can be used by almost anyone. It will help the reader stay calm and confident, while also keeping the focus on solving problems, rather than blaming people.
But it takes practice, which is why this book gives so many examples. The reader will earn the respect of those around him or her. We have seen it happen over and over again many times in just 30 seconds.
Another helpful tool to communicate effectively with high-conflict people is BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Hostile Email, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns, also by Bill Eddy.
- Print length150 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherUnhooked Books
- Publication dateSeptember 16, 2014
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.4 x 8.4 inches
- ISBN-101936268620
- ISBN-13978-1936268627
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Editorial Reviews
Review
In his newest must read book, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!”
Mari J. Frank, Esq. CIPP, attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiation Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples.
Not only does Bill’s book show how to” redirect judgmental dialogue to problem-solving focus, he, also explains why this simple 3-step process works. All the reader has to do is practice, practice, practice. What a wonderful resource in dealing with persons unable to focus on solving the problem.
Sheldon (Shelly) E. Finman, Family Law Attorney & Mediator, Ft. Myers, Florida
This is nothing short of brilliant. I spend a lot of time negotiating settlements in contentious divorce cases. This process is revolutionary in helping people moving through difficult negotiations. I wish I had this years ago.”
Molly B. Kenny, Attorney, Seattle, Washington
So, What’s Your Proposal? is a question literally designed to short-circuit the brain in stressful situations. Using the techniques described by attorney Bill Eddy in this work, you can immediately stop the negativity and gently shift participants from all-or-nothing into flexible thinking. This practice is useful not just for those of us who deal with high conflict people, but in any situation where the parties are stuck in negotiations and need to generate creative options.
Michèle Huff, J.D., lawyer/meditator and author of The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement from the Inside Out.
“In his newest must read book, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!”
―Mari J. Frank, Esq. CIPP, attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiation Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples.
“Not only does Bill’s book show “how to” redirect judgmental dialogue to problem-solving focus, he, also explains why this simple 3-step process works. All the reader has to do is practice, practice, practice. What a wonderful resource in dealing with persons unable to focus on solving the problem. “
―Sheldon (Shelly) E. Finman, Family Law Attorney & Mediator, Ft. Myers, Florida
“This is nothing short of brilliant. I spend a lot of time negotiating settlements in contentious divorce cases. This process is revolutionary in helping people moving through difficult negotiations. I wish I had this years ago.”
―Molly B. Kenny, Attorney, Seattle, Washington
“So, What’s Your Proposal? is a question literally designed to short-circuit the brain in stressful situations. Using the techniques described by attorney Bill Eddy in this work, you can immediately stop the negativity and gently shift participants from all-or-nothing into flexible thinking. This practice is useful not just for those of us who deal with high conflict people, but in any situation where the parties are stuck in negotiations and need to generate creative options.
―Michèle Huff, J.D., lawyer/meditator and author of The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement from the Inside Out.
From the Inside Flap
Blame is abundant these days! Every day people confront us at work, at the store, at home, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, the 24-hour news cycle, and social media, we are continually barraged with the worst behaviors of other people. The strong temptation is to react, defend yourself and blame them back.
Instead, consider the simple So, What&;s Your Proposal? method for pulling them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly: focus on the future; take responsibility; contribute to finding solutions to problems including those they created themselves.
You will stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you even those who want to blame you!
In his newest must read book So, What&;s Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!&;
Mari J. Frank, Esq. CIPP, attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiations Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples.
From the Back Cover
Blame is abundant these days! Every day people confront us at work, at the store, at home, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, the 24-hour news cycle, and social media, we are continually barraged with the worst behaviors of other people. The strong temptation is to react, defend yourself and blame them back.
Instead, consider the simple So, What’s Your Proposal? method for pulling them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly: focus on the future; take responsibility; contribute to finding solutions to problems – including those they created themselves.
You will stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you – even those who want to blame you!
“In his newest must read book So, What’s Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!”
―Mari J. Frank, Esq. CIPP, attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiations Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples.
About the Author
His books include:
It's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People
So What's Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds
High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
He is also the developer of the New Ways for Work” method of managing potentially high conflict employees in the workplace; and the "New Ways for Families" method of managing potentially high-conflict parents in and out of family court.
A graduate of Case Western Reserve University, San Diego State University, and the University of San Diego School of Law, he lives in San Diego, CA with his wife.
Product details
- Publisher : Unhooked Books (September 16, 2014)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 150 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1936268620
- ISBN-13 : 978-1936268627
- Item Weight : 7.5 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.4 x 8.4 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #48,413 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #255 in Communication & Social Skills (Books)
- #337 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #556 in Business Management (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and has become an expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a licensed clinical social worker therapist with twelve years’ experience.
He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law inCalifornia and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries.
He is the author or co-author of twenty books and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4.0 million views.
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This book was one I wanted to have because you can never have enough approaches in interactions with resistant or aggressive people, with people who might have attack-dog personalities and behaviors.
What I like is the how the book talks about brain science in a simple manner, then shows how you can redirect difficult people out of the negative, progress-inhibiting emotions and behavior into problem solving, encouraging their input, ideas and autonomy, which can lead to collaboration.
So, what's your proposal is not some overly simplistic, impractical, and theory based. It's quite the opposite.
In business or your personal life, it can be applied.
The book reads easy, quick and makes you think.
You will be happy with your return on investment (purchase price). I'm ready to start applying the thinking and techniques to become more effective and help highly emotional people learn new ways to help themselves solve their problems.