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When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy Paperback – July 1, 1992

by Geneen Roth (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 642 ratings
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#1 New York Times bestselling author of Women Food and God

“A life-changing book.”—Oprah

In this moving and intimate book, Geneen Roth, bestselling author of Feeding the Hungry Heart and Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, shows how dieting and emotional eating often become a substitute for intimacy. Drawing on her own painful personal experiences, as well as the candid stories of those she has helped in her seminars, Roth examines the crucial issues that surround emotional eating: need for control, dependency on melodrama, desire for what is forbidden, and the belief that one wrong move can mean catastrophe. She shows why many people overeat in an attempt to satisfy their emotional hunger, and why weight loss frequently just uncovers a new set of problems. But her welcome message is that change is possible. This book will help readers break destructive, self-perpetuating patterns and learn to satisfy all the hungers—physical and emotional—that make us human.

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    205 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Plume
  4. Publication date
    July 1, 1992
  5. Dimensions
    5.3 x 0.61 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0452268184
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0452268180
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A life-changing book."
—Oprah

“A rare and special book that touches our inner selves with extraordinary courage, authenticity, and beauty. I have seen very few books with this kind of clarity and human depth. It will move you to tears and to joy. It will entertain and delight you, and it will make you a deeper and more compassionate human being.”
—John Robbins, author of Diet for a New America

“SPECTACULAR! I laughed and I cried. . . a tender and daring book that you’ll never forget.”
—Laura Davis, co-author of The Courage to Heal

“I SEE MIRACLES IN MY LIFE EVERY DAY, AND ROTH IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED MAKE THAT HAPPEN.”
—Anne Lamott in Mademoiselle

“When Food is Love is Roth’s seminal work. This is a big, beautiful, and important book. I cannot say enough about it. I hope everyone reads it.”
—Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones

“She tells of her own experiences with a non-blink frankness cushioned by the gracefulness of her prose.”
—Chicago Tribune

“This book is A) good enough to eat, B) nourishing to the heart.”
—Jack Kornfield, Buddhist teacher, co-author of Seeking the Heart of Wisdom

About the Author

Geneen Roth is a writer and a teacher who has gained international prominence through her work in the field of eating disorders. She is the founder of the Breaking Free workshops, which she has conducted nationwide since 1979. She is also the author of Feeding the Hungry Heart, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, and When Food is Love. A frequent guest on television and radio programs, she has written for and been featured in Tie, Ms., New Woman, Family Circle, and Cosmopolitan. Her poetry and short stories have been published in numerous anthologies. Born in New York City, she now lives in northern California.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Plume; Reissue edition (July 1, 1992)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 205 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0452268184
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0452268180
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.3 x 0.61 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 642 ratings

About the author

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Geneen Roth

Geneen Roth

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Geneen Roth is the author of ten books, including the New York Times bestsellers When Food Is Love, Lost and Found, and Women Food and God, as well as The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It. She has been speaking, teaching groundbreaking workshops, and offering retreats for over thirty years and has appeared on numerous national shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, the Today show, Good Morning America, and The View. She lives in Northern California with charms of hummingbirds; her husband, Matt; and Izzy, the fabulous, eating-disordered dog. For more information about her work, please visit GeneenRoth.com.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
642 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Elyse
5.0 out of 5 stars I finally understand what my therapists meant.
Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2020
Verified Purchase
I've been in therapy for years struggling with an obsession with food. Two separate therapists have tried to dig into my childhood loneliness, but I couldn't connect the emptiness to eating beyond a surface level of awareness. I couldn't *identify* any feelings I needed to grieve for. None of it seemed important or traumatic enough.

The raw, personal, SPECIFIC writing in this book - the emphasis on her perspective as a child, on her clients' perspectives as children - finally exposed those concepts for me in a way that was concrete instead of generic and abstract. From the first page, every other passage was a punch to the gut. She does NOT pull her punches.

My therapist did point out, and was right in an abstract way, that food was there when affection wasn't. But, the author describing how she was called "selfish" as a child for having childlike needs - how food was a way to give to herself and experience pleasure when she felt pressured to care for others and be selfless - how she wandered from empty room to empty room before stopping at the fridge - how she learned to survive by the fantasy that she would be loved when she got thin - these descriptions accessed that truth in a much deeper way. She may as well have been telling the story of my own childhood, in greater detail than I could ever remember before. The concepts are so much better communicated than generic self help instructions.

I'm not sure where to go from here, besides bringing all the highlighted passages to therapy. But I'm at least fairly certain I won't be taking these feelings to the fridge.
35 people found this helpful
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Galya Jazz
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally the truth
Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2009
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It is neither a diet nor getting-thin-the-other-way book. This is a book about love. Well, not even about love. While the author does not state it explicitly, her story is about that comfortable and healing feeling of safety and security experienced when a person feels loved and accepted.

The author has the guts and nerve to tell the truth: "... after I reached my natural weight and stayed there, I discovered that it wasn't being thin I wanted, it was getting thin." Getting-thin is the grand illusion that masks the pain by making us believe that life will turn around, and suffering will stop once we get there. No. It is not true.

Geneen is interweaving her stories of struggling with weight and building a love relationship. Before the book I could only guess that these two vulnerable and sensitive areas of my life were interconnected. However, "Eating is the metaphor for the way we live," and the similarities are so painfully striking... For 25 years I kept the childish idea that getting thin means being loved and safe. Safe was the key word in my endless diets and pills and food plans and body hatred struggle. It has stopped recently. I am a bit overweight. I am loved by a nice man. I feel content with myself and life.

There is no such thing as (complete) safety. While I was taught from childhood that I have to be pretty and likable to rely on others for safety either through love or friendship, I now know it is a road to suffering. The chapter about the author's Model Mugging class was a revelation. Thanks to Geneen, I also know that when I suddenly have a fat-and-ugly attack and a compelling desire to lose 40 pounds before Christmas, it means that readings of my pain and fear meters are too high. It means I need to dive into the pain and release it.

The book is full of drama--I was way too exited. It is disturbing--I cried a lot while reading it. It is sometimes painful and always touching. It offers a sober and sane approach. It stops that grand illusion.

The book is also a keeper. I will not give it away, even to my good friends. I would buy several more copies for them instead.
14 people found this helpful
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CAF
5.0 out of 5 stars Relatable
Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2024
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The author is straight forward & the book gave me more personal insights to emotional eating.
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Kat Scoggin
4.0 out of 5 stars More than food.
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2008
Verified Purchase
My nutritionist gave me this book. Then I bought a copy. Then I bought a copy for five of my friends and family. This book is not about food. This book is about intimacy, fear, grief, and relating to yourself and others in your life. Roth uses her own life experiences and her specific relationship problems and food problems as a basis for this book, but in reading about her own insights, anyone can see themself in this book. If you've ever felt hopeless because you can't keep the weight off, you can't pay down your credit card debt, you can't make a relationship work that should work - this book might help you see how inter-connected your life is. Roth is insightful and writes in a way that is easy to read and draws you in.
4 people found this helpful
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Ozan
5.0 out of 5 stars amazing
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2024
Verified Purchase
geneen speaks to the soul of all who has an emotional eating problem. she makes you realize you're not alone, and puts into a really good words to explain what the cravings mean.
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S. Siwik
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible
Reviewed in the United States on September 10, 2023
Verified Purchase
I cried more than I knew I had tears for. It was incredible. Has changed my 20+ year Eating Disorder. I am finally healing. I would recommend this to anyone with any kind of eating disorder. Life changer. Thanks for having the courage to write this. You wrote to me. And I am healing.
One person found this helpful
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Abbey
3.0 out of 5 stars More of an "Oh, me too!" than an instruction guide, but that's ok!
Reviewed in the United States on October 31, 2013
Verified Purchase
Sometimes you just want to hear that someone else is in your shoes... or at least they're wearing shoes from the same department store. You may not relate to every personal story, but I do think it's encouraging to hear stories from people with the same ultimate problem: replacing your need for X with food. If you're feeling alone in your struggle, I do think this book is a good first step towards getting help. If you feel that you're already on your way towards recovery, then this might not be the best fit.
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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EW
5.0 out of 5 stars Very pleased
Reviewed in Canada on August 8, 2020
Verified Purchase
Book arrived very quickly, in excellent condition.
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mic
5.0 out of 5 stars Emouvant
Reviewed in France on July 24, 2017
Verified Purchase
J'avais l'impression qu'elle me décrivait! Je ne comprends pas ma relation avec la nourriture, je sais qu'elle me détruit mais je n'arrive pas à m'arrêter, je manger pour me punir des fois de mes échecs, je mange parce que j'ai peur, parce que je suis triste, parce que je suis déçue. Rares sont les moments où je me contrôle et plus d'une fois où je balance en air tout mes efforts faits pour perdre du poids. Ce livre m'a énormément touché, l'auteur est si profonde dans sa description de ce que c'est un emotional eater, ses comportements, ses réactions, sa façon de penser et de vivre en général. Elle parle du vécu d'autres personnes de ses workshops. Il n'ya pas de consignes dans ce livre, il est plutôt fait comme un roman, mais c'est impressionnant comment j'ai pu arrêter de me torturer avec la nourriture et de finalement poser un trait sur ce qui est bon pour moi et mauvais uniquement avec ce que l'auteur racontait.Je le recommande à toute personne qui reproche à la nourriture tout ce qui tourne mal dans sa vie, à toute celle qui pense que le fait de perdre du poids pourrait la rendre heureuse
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Anonymous
5.0 out of 5 stars It's not about food or weight. It's about emotions.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 1, 2016
Verified Purchase
Intuitive eating is nothing new to me. I have read many books on the subject and had a great many "successes" in weight loss, with eating when I was hungry and stopping when I felt full. But the weight I lost never stayed off. And it was only until I read this amazing book that I realised why. My weight had nothing to do with me not being able to listen to my body. My weight wasn't even about me being a lazy fat ass (cos that's what I found myself calling myself almost every day). I wasn't an anomaly - the one person in the world who was just destined to stay 2 stone overweight. My weight and my relationship with food was a necessary crutch I needed in order to make it through my life. Food covered the pain of my childhood. A pain I imagined to be so bad, I thought looking at it would kill me (well I was wrong about that!).

This book is not about what to eat. Or when to eat. It''s about looking at your pain and being brave and learning that the food and weight thing is a cover story to a deeper issue. And if you look at what the real issues are, the issues from childhood that we are all trying to run from, not only will your relationship with food get better and your weight will decrease, you will reconcile with parts of yourself you never thought you'd be friends with. This book has changed and saved my life. In so many ways.. I know that while I'm losing weight, it's not about getting to a certain size. I now see my body size as an indicator to determine how I'm dealing with my inner issues. This book made me realise that I get to decide who I want to be. I can't express how amazing it is. When you read this book and if you are willing to do the work on yourself, you will forever change your dependency on food. It will not control you anymore. You will be free. Every time I feel like I'm going to binge, I know it is a sign of inner pain. And I sit with that pain and I allow myself to feel it. I would have never done that before. And the experience of feeling ALL my emotions is incredibly empowering. Food is covering pain that I gave so much power to. And now I see that while it's uncomfortable, it's not nearly as difficult to deal with as I imagined!
25 people found this helpful
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CLamb
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally free!!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 9, 2021
Verified Purchase
Geneen Roth is an absolute genius. Her writings are the reason I have finally been able to break free from emotional, over eating binges. She deserves all the praise for what she has poured into her books. Thank you Geneen. You are a rare and wonderful mind!
One person found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Would Recommend
Reviewed in Canada on August 6, 2016
Verified Purchase
This is a fantastic resource for anyone interested in the complex relationship between compulsive eating and intimacy. It is written in a way that is personal and relatable at the same time.
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