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What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Kindle Edition

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 619 ratings

Over 150,000 Copies Sold

Somehow, someway, every marriage becomes a struggle.

Everyone’s marriage morphs into something they didn’t intend it to be. At some point you need something sturdier than romance. You need something deeper than shared interests and mutual attraction. You need changed expectations, you need radical commitments, and, most importantly, you need grace.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book as soon as it is available.”
Chris Brauns, author, Unpacking Forgiveness; Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Iliinois

“What I’ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent, biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul, as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and provides the cure—humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t disappointed. You won’t be either.”
Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, author, Because He Loves Me and Comforts from the Cross

Review

“At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book as soon as it is available.”
Chris Brauns, author, Unpacking Forgiveness; Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Illinois

“What I’ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent, biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul, as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and provides the cure—humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t disappointed. You won’t be either.”
Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, counselor; speaker; author, Give Them Grace and Comforts from the Cross

“Paul Tripp brings many years of counseling, growth as a husband, and deepening discovery of the liberating power of grace to this realistic and challenging guide to God’s engagement in redeeming marriages that are threatened by complacency, misunderstanding, and selfishness. The Bible’s message of the humbling and healing power of Christ’s mercy and the powerful presence of his Spirit in our homes comes through loud and clear. The daily practicality of gospel doctrine is made crystal clear by Tripp’s transparency about his personal missteps in becoming a Christ-reflecting husband and the many examples of couples who have discovered that they are sinners married to sinners. But that the third, divine Party in marriage gives hope and change when unrealistic expectations are shattered and when we confront our sin. But be warned: Tripp’s diagnostic questions are downright uncomfortable. Even those with strong marriages by God’s grace will find their deep tendencies toward self-coronation challenged!”
Dennis E. Johnson, Professor of Practical Theology, Westminster Seminary, California

“Paul Tripp issues a challenge for couples to roll up their sleeves, get to work, and do what it takes to build a God-honoring relationship. He presents six commitments for couples to make, and contained within each is insightful, practical, and effective advice on how to construct a loving, growing, grace-soaked marriage.”
Mary A. Kassian, Professor of Women's Studies, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B003DRO5S0
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crossway; Redesign edition (March 24, 2010)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 24, 2010
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 2.5 MB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 290 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 1433530783
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 619 ratings

About the author

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Paul David Tripp
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Dr. Paul David Tripp is a pastor, event speaker, and a best-selling and award-winning author. With more than 30 books and video series on Christian living, Paul's driving passion is to connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. He and his wife of 45+ years, Luella, live in Philadelphia; they have four grown children. For more information, visit PaulTripp.com or follow Paul on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
619 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book insightful and thought-provoking. They describe it as an easy, clear read with relevant biblical content and real-life examples. The book provides practical ways to restore a marriage and learn how to forgive each other. Readers appreciate the straightforward language and honesty in the book. The book deals with heart sanctification and specific daily steps to build a godly marriage.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

107 customers mention "Insight"107 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and thought-provoking. They say it provides a healthy dose of much-needed reality based on the truth of the Bible. The lessons contained are realistic and help couples understand the romantic side. Readers recommend reading and studying this book, which is considered the most transforming book they have ever read. It helps them see their weaknesses and in light of Christ's words, when I am weak, then I am strong.

"...As the man himself writes, this book is "a detailed description of the daily work of love that must be done with commitment and joy when a flawed..." Read more

"...Tripp's book is an indispensable and unique compendium of many years' worth of biblical counseling, common sense and professional counseling advice--..." Read more

"...He is powerful, faithful, and willing to craft marriages according to His design...." Read more

"...I strongly recommend reading and studying this book." Read more

29 customers mention "Ease of reading"23 positive6 negative

Customers find the book easy to understand and well-written. They appreciate the author's straightforward approach and practical teachings. The writing is fluid and engaging, allowing readers to identify with the points being made. Overall, the author helps spouses see themselves as they really are.

"...With humility and compassion, with laser sharp insight, in understandable language, Mr. Tripp lays explosives under the foundation of everything the..." Read more

"It would be more appropriate to say this book is an eye opener versus saying I liked the book. A very insightful and thought provoking read!..." Read more

"...Targets the reader to see that we are each responsible for our behaviors & our responses and therefore focuses primarily on how do I change, not,..." Read more

"The author does a wonderful job in letting spouses see themselves as they really are. Take a good look in the mirror...." Read more

27 customers mention "Biblical content"23 positive4 negative

Customers find the biblical content in the book helpful. They appreciate the clear examples and stories that are relatable. The information is relevant and well-researched, with spiritual and moral aspects of personality also covered. Readers mention it's a thought-provoking read with detailed descriptions of what happens in marriage.

"...Tripp's book is an indispensable and unique compendium of many years' worth of biblical counseling, common sense and professional counseling advice--..." Read more

"...5 stars, without reservation, for the ideas it presents, the valid questions it raises, and the perspective it brings...." Read more

"...A very insightful and thought provoking read!..." Read more

"...may look a little different in every relationship, but it's totally relevant and wise...." Read more

19 customers mention "Relationship"19 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful for restoring and maintaining healthy marriages. They appreciate the practical ways it offers to learn how to forgive each other and build a strong relationship. The biblical principles and counseling on self-examination are appreciated.

"...key principals that underpin the rest of the work, namely the problem of selfishness, the focus on day by day small decisions/actions that lead to..." Read more

"...The result is lasting change and blessed marriages...." Read more

"...of chances I possess each day to extend grace and demonstrate love to my spouse. Not being a jerk does not equal being attentive and long suffering...." Read more

"...I love the part about keeping short accounts and learning how to forgive each other because we are all in need of forgiveness...." Read more

12 customers mention "Truthfulness"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's straightforward and honest approach. They find it practical and realistic, addressing issues like selfishness clearly.

"...It is real, honest, and Paul Tripp clearly outlines how to love God, and love your wife...." Read more

"Paul Tripp, once again, expounds simple and direct truths that get right to the heart of points we all must attain in the work of loving each other..." Read more

"...I was not disappointed. He brought, frankly and clearly, the issues of selfishness to the forefront for any couple to face...." Read more

"...However, this book is blunt, honest, and creates a real picture of what marriage is like, especially under the lens of the gospel...." Read more

9 customers mention "Heart sanctification"9 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful for sanctifying the heart. It outlines each section and provides specific daily steps to make marriage as intended. The author does a good job of exposing sin issues that cause marital discord. He expounded simple, direct truths that get right. The book avoids easy answers and shortcuts, but challenges those willing to put in the work. They appreciate the approach Tripp takes.

"...It avoids easy answers and shortcuts, but challenges those willing to put in the work. The result is lasting change and blessed marriages...." Read more

"In this book, Paul David Tripp is able to communicate the issues of the heart that cause marital discord...." Read more

"...This book deals with the heart, and how wickedly evil it can be if you're going to be really honest with yourself...." Read more

"Paul Tripp, once again, expounds simple and direct truths that get right to the heart of points we all must attain in the work of loving each other..." Read more

7 customers mention "Beauty"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging with its illustrations and straightforward approach. They appreciate Tripp's bold style and honest portrayal of marriage.

"...it instructs, and watch as your marriage grows in health, strength and beauty." Read more

"...I've read Paul Tripp before and had a sense of his approach and no-nonsense style. I was not disappointed...." Read more

"...redeems marriage in a beautiful way -- through Christ -- the definition of beauty. Leave all those books with lists of things to-do behind...." Read more

"This is another work of art by Tripp...." Read more

7 customers mention "Material quality"7 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's material quality. They find it has good material with typical illustrations, solid principles, and ideas. The book is substantial and awesome on marriage.

"...then do as it instructs, and watch as your marriage grows in health, strength and beauty." Read more

"...He is powerful, faithful, and willing to craft marriages according to His design...." Read more

"...Tripp gives solid, Biblical instructions for marriage and life in general." Read more

"Very good material - especially for a couple trying to overcome difficult areas in their marriage...." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on August 22, 2010
    I had heard plenty of good reports about Paul David Tripp's latest release, What Did You Expect??: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage (Crossway Books, 2010), and when I was recently asked to officiate a wedding for a young couple I thought it a perfect opportunity to read the book and see if it could be useful in pre-marital counseling. Tripp's book is obviously designed to help those who are struggling in their marriages, but the foundations and practical applications are exactly what's needed for every season of marriage. As the man himself writes, this book is "a detailed description of the daily work of love that must be done with commitment and joy when a flawed person is married to a flawed person and they are living in a fallen world." That covers everyone in every situation this side of eternity.

    The book begins with some key principals that underpin the rest of the work, namely the problem of selfishness, the focus on day by day small decisions/actions that lead to the big crises of life, and most importantly the realistic hopefulness that comes from the Gospel. After these foundations come six commitments, each of which receive multiple chapters. The commitments are:

    "1) We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.

    2) We will make growth and change our daily agenda.

    3) We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.

    4) We will commit to building a relationship of love.

    5) We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.

    6) We will work to protect our marriage."

    Each chapter features the story of a couple in crisis, how they got there and then Tripp offers the solution that is drawn from the application of the commitment, those being drawn from the foundational principals, which in turn are all drawn from the Gospel. This is the reason that I give absolute, unabashed recommendation for this book. Tripp doesn't lead his readers down some self-seeking inwardly-fixated therapy session. He is not prone to the modern tendency to blame one's parents, environment or breakfast. Instead, he calls sin for what it is, points to Jesus as the only way to deal with sin and then models that same forgiveness in marriage. You see the heart of a pastor and counselor on every page.

    I will admit the book is not flawless - there appear to be some repetitions of passages - but even this adds to the weight of the message Tripp is bringing. Other than the repetition, the writing is fluid and engaging, and the points are clearly made. I would love to see some study guide material for the book, especially how Tripp would vary that material depending on audience (pre-marital, marital check-up, marital crisis), but for now I'll be working on my own so that I can employ this book for as many people as I get opportunity.

    Bottom line, wherever your marriage is at, this book is worthy of your time and investment. It is both deeply theological and intensely practical. Read it, then do as it instructs, and watch as your marriage grows in health, strength and beauty.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 7, 2011
    Nobody I know goes into marriage expecting the reality that actually happens. And then every last one of us is left to figure out how to manage the rest of our lives in this uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful situation we hadn't anticipated. Some folks divorce; some bicker to the death; some grit their teeth and pretend everything's OK; some settle for silent desperation/separation under the same roof. We Christians tend to grit our teeth and label it "holiness." No wonder our young adult children are not attracted to emulate our marriages.

    A knowledgeable counselor friend of mine says he estimates that only 5% of marriages (whether inside or outside the Church) are actually functioning in a state of peace, harmony and fulfillment. Marriage is not what most people expected it to be. But it IS what God designed it to be. The problem is that most of us don't want to know God's plan; we prefer our own plan and along with it, we prefer to live in varying degrees of misery.

    So along comes Paul Tripp. Many of the ideas he presents in What Did You Expect? are not new. I heard them in numerous counselors' offices during the decades I was trying to save my own marriage. But Tripp synthesizes them more clearly than I have ever seen or heard them to date. And occasionally, he lays out original, mind-bending ideas I never have heard anywhere else.

    With humility and compassion, with laser sharp insight, in understandable language, Mr. Tripp lays explosives under the foundation of everything the reader thinks he or she knows about marriage, and blows it sky high. Fortunately, Tripp also offers the tools for rebuilding the marriage with a much more substantial foundation using biblical principles with ample real-life examples for application.

    Tripp's book is an indispensable and unique compendium of many years' worth of biblical counseling, common sense and professional counseling advice--none of which contradicts the other. It is by far the best book on marriage I have ever read. For those who choose to accept it and apply it, it will be life changing. Those who have ears, let them hear.
    43 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2012
    Marriage is tough. While most couples enter into the covenant of marriage with expectations of eternal bliss and constant happiness, reality always comes crashing down. What else can be expected when you have two sinners married to one another? Personal selfishness will create conflict after conflict until disillusionment and disappointment overtakes the relationship. A remedy is needed but where is it to be found?

    Paul Tripp gives us the Biblical answer. Believers are not alone in their struggle. Although living in a fallen world with sinful desires in every heart, the grace of God is near. He is powerful, faithful, and willing to craft marriages according to His design. In chapter after chapter, the reader sees how this truth is accomplished. Far from giving simplistic answers, the author turns directly to scripture. Where most books tell couples to spend more time together and plan a date night, this book turns directly to worship as the most important aspect of any marriage. A couple who is committed to the worship of God is a couple ready to be transformed.

    The book does not pull any punches as it directly lays out the commitments a believer must practice by the grace of God. It avoids easy answers and shortcuts, but challenges those willing to put in the work. The result is lasting change and blessed marriages. With so many marriage books on the shelf, it is often hard to choose which ones are worthy of time. This book certainly deserves a place. It is one of the best marriage books written in recent years. Also of note, there is a DVD series that presents much of this teaching in a seminar format. That study is worth a look as well.
    3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Maximina
    5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful book!
    Reviewed in Germany on September 12, 2014
    I read and read this book and I find new good things every time. I recommend this book to everybody who wants to learn more about marriage like God has created from the beginning, then marriage was His Invention. TO LORD THE GLORY!
  • Christine Lawther
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing discoveries in God's perceptive
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 9, 2014
    A book that every married couple to invest in because it will either themselves or another couple. It's easy to read and once you start to read you don't want to stop. Such an an inspirational book and thanks to my friend who told me about it
  • mjtossell
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best marriage book ever
    Reviewed in Australia on August 12, 2015
    Of all the books on marriage that I have read — and I've read plenty — this book tops them all. It should be mandatory reading for every engaged couple.
  • Janelle A.
    4.0 out of 5 stars The book was in better condition than I expected
    Reviewed in Australia on May 21, 2023
    I love this book by Paul Tripp. It is so helpful in so many ways. I wanted to pass it on to my daughter
  • max
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best Mariage book i have ever read
    Reviewed in Canada on January 16, 2016
    Best Mariage book i have ever read. This brother can speak to my heart and mind like no one els.
    Thank you so much to Mr. Tripp for this book.

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