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Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box Paperback – April 30, 2015
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This title will be released on August 27, 2024.
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Since its original publication in 2000, Leadership and Self-Deception has become a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Its sales continue to increase year after year, and the book’s popularity has gone global, with editions now available in over twenty languages.
Through a story everyone can relate to about a man facing challenges on the job and in his family, the authors expose the fascinating ways that we can blind ourselves to our true motivations and unwittingly sabotage the effectiveness of our own efforts to achieve success and increase happiness.
This new edition has been revised throughout to make the story even more compelling. And drawing on the extensive correspondence the authors have received over the years, they have added a section that outlines the many ways that readers have been using Leadership and Self-Deception to improve their lives and workplaces—areas such as team building, conflict resolution, and personal growth and development, to name a few.
Read this extraordinary book and discover what millions already have learned—how to consistently tap into an innate ability that dramatically improves both your results and your relationships.
- Print length240 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherBerrett-Koehler Publishers
- Publication dateApril 30, 2015
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
- ISBN-101576759776
- ISBN-13978-1576759776
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Editorial Reviews
Review
—Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
“Extraordinary . . . Five Stars.”
—Business Ethics
“This is the most profound and practical business book I have ever read! Everyone I have recommended this book to has been challenged intellectually and also touched emotionally. It is a must-read that I will give to my kids to read before they begin their careers.”
—Tom A. DiDonato, Vice President, Human Resources, American Eagle Outfitters
“I love this book. It identifies the central issue in all organizational performance. Like truth itself, this book reveals more with each re-examination. I highly recommend it.”
—Doug Hauth, Business Development Manager, Convio, Inc.
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—Mark Ashworth, President and CEO, Butcher’s Pet Care, UK
“It’s rare to find a business book that is good enough to recommend to your boss, your work team, and your friends. The concepts in this book
have transformed both the way I work and the way I live.”
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I’ve finally found in Arbinger what I consider to be the best means of improving every measure of success. From boosting the bottom line to increasing personal joy, this book shows the way.”
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“This astonishing book is a MUST-read for every executive or personal and professional coach.”
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“The concepts in this book are powerful. They are fundamental to success whether on the playing field, in the office, or perhaps most importantly, at home. Read this book and you’ll see what I mean.”
—Steve Young, two-time NFL Most Valuable Player
“Rarely has a book had such an immediate and profound impact on
the hundreds of CEOs of fast growth firms we work with through our
MIT/Inc./EO Executive Program. And it’s one of those rare books that
touches both the personal as well as professional lives of these leaders.”
—Verne Harnish, cofounder, Entrepreneurs’ Organization, and CEO, Gazelles, Inc.
“Leadership and Self-Deception is a touchstone for authentic leadership. Arbinger’s innovative exploration of what lies beneath behavior uplifts, enlightens, and transforms. We’ve wholeheartedly adopted Leadership and Self-Deception as the foundational material for our administrator development program.”
—Troy S. Buer, Educational Program Director, University of Virginia School of Medicine
“This is probably the most outstanding book that directs us to soul searching and introspection. It teaches us to take accountability for our lives and our destinies in a down-to-earth and bluntly practical manner. The lessons in this book have helped me personally, as well as other people I love.”
—Kalyan Banerjee, cofounder and Senior Vice President, MindTree
“The principles of Leadership and Self Deception provide the groundwork for our success as individuals and organizations. I recommend it highly to my fellow board members, to global networks, corporate clients, entrepreneurs, and individuals alike. “
—Heidi Forbes Öste, CEO and Founder, 2BalanceU and Public Relations, Europe Region, Business and Professional Women International
“Because it distills important leadership, spiritual, and life principles into one profound and impossible-to-put-down-book, Leadership and Self Deception is a treasure. MBA students in my classes share my enthusiasm for this rare book. You will surely return to this book again and again; and each time you do, it will be as penetrating a learning experience as the first time.”
—Barry Brownstein, CSX Chair in Leadership, University of Baltimore
“The leadership principles in this book have had a greater impact on the quality of leadership in our company than anything we have ever implemented. They have been extraordinarily important in helping make our company a great place to work while at the same time helping us focus on results and increase productivity as never before.”
—Michael Stapley, President and CEO, DMBA
“While reading, I reviewed my life, and, sure enough, what successes there were in it were based on Arbinger’s principles. This book is a tool that could transform and elevate the way government functions!”
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“Simple . . . clear . . . powerful. With many years of experience in leadership, organizational development, and training I was surprised to find
something strike me with such impact.”
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—Jason Beard, family therapist
“Are you relating to the world anxiously or angrily, not comprehending why you hold judgmental attitudes, feel uncontrollable fear, or unleash explosions of temper against your colleagues without being able to explain why? Do you feel hopeless and unable to change? Learn the practical tools provided in this fascinating book and eliminate this problem at its source right now!”
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“This book is a rare gem that is treasured by all who have read it. The organization for which I work has passed this book to so many people, and it is amazing to watch peoples’ attitudes and behaviors towards each other changing. Each day everyone gives a little more, making us better leaders but more importantly better people.”
—Nuala Murphy, Senior Vice President, Global Financial Services Company
“Leadership and Self-Deception holds up a brutally honest mirror to behavior in which we all indulge to justify our shortcomings. The result is not self-remorse or punishment but a glimpse of a life to be lived with integrity and freed of the boundaries and constraints we inflict upon ourselves and others. I am always excited to watch Arbinger’s thinking help my clients to unlock painful family disputes and lead them to resolution.”
—Neil Denny, family lawyer, Wiltshire, UK
“A remarkable book. It can be valuable to your understanding of why so many people create their own problems, are unable and/or unwilling to see that they are creating their own problems, and then resist any attempts by others to help them stop creating those problems.”
—Robert Morris, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer
“I’ve been in the book publishing business for twenty five years. Rarely have I read a book as profound and life-changing as Leadership and Self-Deception.”
—David Sanford, Literary Agent, Credo Communications
“This book was recommended to me at an annual strategic planning session. I was stunned by the truth of it and the simple solution. Our entire management has now read it. It has been a building block for our personal and organizational development.”
—Rick Chalk, CEO, Cal-tex Protective Coatings
“My business partners and I built a health-care company on the ideas in this book. We are amazed at what it has helped us achieve. Careful reading and rereading of this book has proven better than any productivity, team-building, or leadership training we’ve encountered.”
—Mark Ballif, CEO, Plum Healthcare
“An important book that has the potential to change the way you think, behave, and live your life, both personally and professionally.”
—Rolf Dobelli, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer
“Our Executive Committee read Leadership and Self-Deception nearly two years ago. Since then every member of our staff has read it. The
Arbinger approach adds tremendous value as we grow the company and integrate companies we acquire along the way.”
—Robin Hamill, Chairman, Igility Group
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
It was a brilliant summer morning shortly before nine, and I was hurrying to the most important meeting of my new job at Zagrum Company. As I walked across the tree-lined grounds, I recalled the day two months earlier when I had first entered the secluded campus-style headquarters to interview for a senior management position. I had been watching the company for more than a decade from my perch at one of its competitors and had tired of finishing second. After eight interviews and three weeks spent doubting myself and waiting for news, I was hired to lead one of Zagrum’s product lines.
Now, four weeks later, I was about to be introduced to a senior management ritual peculiar to Zagrum: a daylong one-on-one meeting with the executive vice president, Bud Jefferson. Bud was the right-hand man to Zagrum’s president, Kate Stenarude. And due to a shift within the executive team, he was about to become my new boss.
I had tried to find out what this meeting was all about, but my colleagues’ explanations confused me. They mentioned a discovery that solved “people problems”; how no one really focused on results; and that something about the “Bud Meeting,” as it was called, and strategies that evidently followed from it, was key to Zagrum’s incredible success. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I was eager to meet, and impress, my new boss.
Bud Jefferson was a youngish-looking 50-year-old combination of odd-fitting characteristics: a wealthy man who drove around in an economy car without hubcaps; a near–high school dropout who had graduated with law and business degrees, summa cum laude, from Harvard; a connoisseur of the arts who was hooked on the Beatles. Despite his apparent contradictions, and perhaps partly because of them, Bud was revered as something of an icon. He was universally admired in the company.
It took 10 minutes on foot to cover the distance from my office in Building 8 to the lobby of the Central Building. The pathway — one of many connecting Zagrum’s 10 buildings — meandered beneath oak and maple canopies along the banks of Kate’s Creek, a postcard-perfect stream that was the brainchild of Kate Stenarude and had been named after her by the employees.
As I scaled the Central Building’s hanging steel stairway up to the third floor, I reviewed my performance during my month at Zagrum: I was always among the earliest to arrive and latest to leave. I felt that I was focused and didn’t let outside matters interfere with my objectives. Although my wife often complained about it, I was making a point to outwork and outshine every coworker who might compete for promotions in the coming years. I nodded to myself in satisfaction. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I was ready to meet Bud Jefferson.
Arriving in the main lobby of the third floor, I was greeted by Bud’s secretary, Maria. “You must be Tom Callum,” she said with enthusiasm.
“Yes, thank you. I have an appointment with Bud for nine o’clock,” I said.
“Yes. Bud asked me to have you wait for him in the East-view Room. He should be with you in about five minutes.” Maria escorted me down the hall and into a large conference room. I went to the long bank of windows and admired the views of the campus between the leaves of the green Connecticut woods. A minute or so later, there was a brisk knock on the door, and in walked Bud.
“Hello, Tom. Thanks for coming,” he said with a big smile as he offered his hand. “Please, sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, juice?”
“No, thank you,” I replied, “I’ve had plenty already this morning.”
I settled in the black leather chair nearest me, my back to the window, and waited for Bud as he poured himself some water in the serving area in the corner. He walked back with his water, bringing the pitcher and an extra glass with him. He set them on the table between us. “Sometimes things can get pretty hot in here. We have a lot to do this morning. Please feel free whenever you’d like.”
“Thanks,” I stammered. I was grateful for the gesture but more unsure than ever what this was all about.
“Tom,” said Bud abruptly, “I’ve asked you to come today for one reason — an important reason.”
“Okay,” I said evenly, trying to mask the anxiety I was feeling.
“You have a problem — a problem you’re going to have to solve if you’re going to make it at Zagrum.”
I felt as if I’d been kicked in the stomach. I groped for some appropriate word or sound, but my mind was racing and words failed me. I was immediately conscious of the pounding of my heart and the sensation of blood draining from my face.
As successful as I had been in my career, one of my hidden weaknesses was that I was too easily knocked off balance. I had learned to compensate by training the muscles in my face and eyes to relax so that no sudden twitch would betray my alarm. And now, it was as if my face instinctively knew that it had to detach itself from my heart or I would be found out to be the same cowering third-grader who broke into an anxious sweat, hoping for a “well done” sticker, every time Mrs. Lee passed back the homework.
Finally I managed to say, “A problem? What do you mean?”
“Do you really want to know?” asked Bud.
“I’m not sure. I guess I need to, from the sound of it.”
“Yes,” Bud agreed, “you do.”
Product details
- Publisher : Berrett-Koehler Publishers; Second edition (April 30, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 240 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1576759776
- ISBN-13 : 978-1576759776
- Item Weight : 11.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #54,887 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #122 in Job Hunting & Career Guides
- #930 in Leadership & Motivation
- #1,588 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
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About the author
Founded in 1979, the Arbinger Institute has helped thousands of individuals, teams, and organizations achieve breakthrough results by making the one change that most dramatically improves performance, sparks collaboration, and accelerates innovation: a shift from the default self-focus of an "inward mindset" to the others-inclusive results-focus of an "outward mindset." Arbinger's training and consulting programs are specifically designed to facilitate this change.
Early on, Arbinger’s growth was fueled solely by clients who spread the word about Arbinger’s impact. Arbinger’s public profile was dramatically increased by the global success of its first book, Leadership & Self Deception, which was published in 2000. The book quickly became a word-of-mouth bestseller. It is now available in 27 languages and has sold over a million copies.
Arbinger’s second international bestseller, The Anatomy of Peace, was published in 2006. Available in 14 languages and having sold more than 500,000 copies to date, The Anatomy of Peace demonstrates the power of Arbinger’s work in resolving conflict.
Arbinger's newest book, The Outward Mindset, shares the true and compelling stories of individual leaders and client organizations. Through these examples and simple yet profound guidance and tools, the book enables individuals and organizations to shift to an outward mindset.
Arbinger is recognized as a world leader in improving organizational effectiveness and in conflict resolution. Arbinger’s clients range from individuals who are seeking help in their lives to many of the largest companies and governmental institutions in the world.
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* This is a simple story, with a logical message. Yet, the story nicely explains that we all often fail to see that we have a problem. We do engage in self-deception. We do "unwittingly sabotage relationships at work and at home." And our actions do provoke a response that encourages the opposite of our intention.
* Part I explains "Self-Deception and the Box." Part II explains "How We Get In the Box." Part III explains "How We Get Out of the Box." Being "In the box" is seeing others as objects. "Out of the Box" is seeing yourself and others as people. (They make this come alive in the book.)
* As I was reading the book, particularly Part I and Part II, I was impressed at how they framed the narrative and discussion to make me realize how I've been deceiving myself. Several "AHA" moments here. Rather than give too much of the story line away - they use a simple example of a Business Executive sleeping and then hearing his infant crying - he knows that he should get up to help his spouse - he doesn't - he then justifies not getting up by mentally elevating his importance (he needs to get up early in the morning; he's the main bread winner; he's a good dad; he's the victim) while he mentally frames up his spouse who isn't getting up as being lazy, unappreciative, inconsiderate, etc. He elevates his own importance over his wife; he rationalizes why he is justified in not getting up to help the baby; he gets angry and this ultimately leads to a response which is opposite to what he was looking for. Even though no words are spoken.
* The "answer" will not be found in a new leadership strategy. It will not be found in developing a new communication skill or changing your behavior. It will not be found in trying to change someone to your way of thinking. The answer is changing "your way of being."
* I'm not a fan of parables because I have often found this format either too contrived or generally not relevant to me. Yet, I believe this story, the message and the anecdotes are universally applicable and true and will resonate with many readers.
* The < 200 page book is a quick and easy read. It should take you less than 3 hours.
* While the book is framed in a business context, it will benefit all readers: leaders, non-leaders, professionals and individuals in for-profits and non-for-profits.
* Any cons? I have two "nits." (1) You reach the end of the book to learn that Part II (Accountability Transformation System) and Part III (Monitoring System) are not discussed or included in the book and you would need to enroll in Arbinger's seminars to learn this. This was a bit deceptive and unnecessary in my opinion as the core message in the book remains powerful. They should have stripped these references from the story and included it in the appendix. (2) Later editions of the book were revised to include a section on "How to Use Leadership and Self-Deception" including hiring, team building, conflict resolution, accountability and personal growth and development. This section added very little utility - but again, it does not detract from the value of the book.
* So many self-help books leave no lasting value or impression - you get a quick high (if you are lucky) and the message evaporates. Not this one. This one will stick. Highly recommended.
As the story progresses, you learn more about this idea and the causes/effects this has on your interpersonal relationships, which hopefully will result in a revelation regarding your management style. Individuals who are in the box fail to recognize others as individuals too, and are mainly focused on their own values and goals. When this happens, it creates a barrier to success both with yourself and with the relationships you have with others. As I've mentioned, the characters in the book provide anecdotes of their experiences that you can easily understand and relate to, so there is little room for confusion. In fact, it may even be a little redundant, but don't let that deter you from reading it from start to finish.
The idea is to understand how we enter the box, what makes it hard for us to get out of the box, and how to ultimately stay out of the box. When we are out of the box, we are open to others as individuals, shaping our perspective to be a little more egalitarian and in large part humanitarian, hence the title of my review. The book does a fairly simple and comprehensive progression into detailing the aspects of the "box," so I'll stop here with my explanation as to not divulge more of the story.
Regardless of who you are, how you view yourself, or how you think others view you, absolutely everyone can learn something from the principles found in this book. It can help you become a better person in all situations; I highly recommend it.