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How Do You Feel?: One Doctor's Search for Humanity in Medicine Hardcover – October 8, 2024

4.9 4.9 out of 5 stars 94 ratings

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USA TODAY BESTSELLER

A poignant and thought-provoking memoir following one psychiatrist and four of her patients as they deal with the unspoken mental and physical costs of caring for others—perfect for fans of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and The In-Between.

For Dr. Jessi Gold, everything was absolutely fine—until it suddenly wasn’t. As an assistant professor, practicing psychiatrist, university wellness leader, regular media expert, and dedicated friend and family member, Jessi was used to being constantly busy. After all, people—her patients, colleagues, and loved ones—needed her, so who was she to say no to any opportunity to help, be that an extra therapy session, corporate wellness talk, or favor for a friend. She was a doctor, trained to serve, to put the needs of others before her own. But when Jessi is so mentally overwhelmed that she commits an unthinkable error during a patient session, she’s forced to reevaluate everything that the medical system has taught her.

While reassessing her own complex relationship to the health-care industry, Jessi begins to examine it through the eyes of some of her healthcare worker patients—a thirty-something resident with OCD, a pregnant nurse suffering from PTSD, an aspiring medical student with crippling test anxiety, and an experienced ER physician who feels completely overwhelmed. In their discussions of burnout, perfectionism, empathy, and the emotional burden of working in health care, and through her own personal therapy sessions, Jessi recognizes that she is not alone in struggling to maintain her humanity, in a field that she chose because of its humanity in the first place.

Expertly weaving research expertise with unforgettable stories and raw emotion,
How Do You Feel? demonstrates the unbridled capacity that we as humans have for connecting, learning, and growing. At once deeply personal, but also utterly universal, it reminds us all that when caring for others, we first have to remember to care for ourselves.
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From the Publisher

How Do You Feel

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A psychiatrist shines a much-needed light on the mental health challenges that healthcare workers face. With clarity and compassion, Jessi Gold reveals how we can do a better job caring for caregivers." Adam Grant, PHD, #1 New York Times bestselling author of HIDDEN POTENTIAL and THINK AGAIN, and host of the podcast WorkLife

“Raw and touching… It’s an eye-opener." -
Publisher's Weekly

"In
How Do You Feel? Jessi Gold, M.D., opens a compassionate, intelligent portal into the lives of the healthcare workers struggling with their own mental health. Gold's deep-dive into the human psyches of those who serve others in the healthcare industry illuminates how difficult it is for the helpers among us to get help for themselves. With the perfect blend of stories from her practice, science, and personal narrative, Gold sheds light on the price healthcare workers pay for neglecting themselves and breaks through the stigma that keeps so many of them silent. This book is a salve for anyone facing burnout in any field, and Gold is the best kind of guide: warm, witty, and genuinely invested in other people's lives. " —Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author of Group

“In this honest, wise, and heart-filled memoir, Jessi Gold reveals what it takes to retain the humanity that medicine so often forces doctors to set aside, and what it means to help yourself while helping others. I loved this book, both as a journalist who has tried to provide a similar kind of service and as a patient who has sought help from therapy."
Ed Yong, Pulitzer-Prize winning author of An Immense World

"How Do You Feel? is a compelling, courageous, and portrait of a psychiatrist. I've never read such an open-hearted and honest account of what it takes to work in mental health care today. This is an ode to the art of clinical care—a paean to empathy. Jessi Gold is a true healer and this book is a gift." —Susannah Cahalan, New York Times bestselling author of Brain on Fire

“If you’ve ever said “I’m fine” when you weren’t. If you’ve ever been so many things to so many people that you became unavailable to yourself. If you’ve ever believed you were too much, not nearly enough, or somehow, inexplicably, both at once. This book is for you. For
us. Jessi Gold’s How Do You Feel? is one of the most human, most reassuring books I’ve ever read about the intersection of mental health, work, medicine, and culture. What a gift.” —Maggie Smith, New York Times bestselling author of You Could Make This Place Beautiful

“This book will make you laugh, marvel, reflect and grow. Most of all, it will make you feel seen. Whether you’re a healthcare worker, someone who loves one, someone who sees one, or someone who is struggling, Dr. Jessi Gold’s words — and the many intimate stories here, including her own — will be a balm and a guide.”
Lucy Kalanithi, MD, Clinical associate Professor of medicine, Stanford university, and widow of Dr. Paul Kalanithi, author of When Breath Becomes Air

"
How Do You Feel? is a thought-provoking exploration of healing and compassion in the face of adversity. Guided by Dr. Gold’s keen insight and sharp writing, we are afforded a rare glimpse into psychiatry’s inner sanctum. Dr. Gold has an extraordinary understanding of the human condition, and her empathy emanates from the pages. A must-read."Jen Gunter, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Menopause Manifesto and The Vagina Bible

"In
How Do You Feel, Dr. Gold manages the seemingly impossible. She gently brings healthcare workers into conversation with our sometimes complicated inner worlds, and does this with wisdom, humor and candor. She lovingly nudges us to awareness and acknowledgement of the immense emotional load we’ve carried and holds space for our collective reflection. Ultimately she calls on us to do the most radical thing imaginable: to care for ourselves even as we care for others. A true game-changer, moving conversations about caregiver mental health into an exciting, new and generative space." —Rana Awdish, MS MD Author of In Shock

"This is an important book...for healthcare workers, especially physicians, to read and understand that their messy internal lives are normal...and because Dr. Gold's, dare I say, Jessi's humanity, and by extension, the humanity of healthcare workers everywhere, is apparent, relatable, and just so likeable. This book pierces the armor of the white coat to the very human heart beating within."
–Stef Simmons, MD, CMO, Dr. Lorna Breen Heroes' Foundation

About the Author

Psychiatrist Jessi Gold, MD, MS, is the Chief Wellness Officer of the University of Tennessee System and an associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center. She is a fierce mental health advocate and highly sought-after expert in the media on everything from burnout to celebrity self-disclosure. Dr. Gold has written widely for the popular press, including for The New York Times, The Atlantic, InStyle, Slate, and Self. In her clinical practice, she sees health care workers, trainees, and young adults in college. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania (with a degree in anthropology), the Yale School of Medicine, and the Stanford University Department of Psychiatry, she spends her free time traveling with her friends, watching live music (especially Taylor Swift) or mindless television, and on walks with her dog, Winnie. Find her on X, Instagram, TikTok, or Threads @DrJessiGold.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ S&S/Simon Element (October 8, 2024)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1982199776
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1982199777
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.1 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.9 4.9 out of 5 stars 94 ratings

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Jessi Gold
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Psychiatrist Jessi Gold, MD, MS, is the Chief Wellness Officer of the University of Tennessee System and an associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center. She is a fierce mental health advocate and highly sought-after expert in the media on everything from burnout to celebrity self-disclosure. Dr. Gold has written widely for the popular press, including for The New York Times, The Atlantic, InStyle, Slate, and Self. In her clinical practice, she sees health care workers, trainees, and young adults in college. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania (with a degree in anthropology), the Yale School of Medicine, and the Stanford University Department of Psychiatry, she spends her free time traveling with her friends, watching live music (especially Taylor Swift) or mindless television, and on walks with her dog, Winnie. Find her on X, Instagram, TikTok, or Threads @DrJessiGold.

Customer reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars
94 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book relatable and informative about mental health. They describe it as a must-read for healthcare professionals and non-professionals alike. Readers appreciate the author's candor and honesty. The insights and powerful lessons in the memoir provide readers with an opportunity to process their own experiences.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

20 customers mention "Mental health"20 positive0 negative

Customers find the book relatable and helpful for understanding mental health. They appreciate the well-researched content that provides accurate information on well-being and healthcare systems. The patients' perspectives are realistic and representative of modern psychiatric settings. Overall, readers find the book insightful and engaging, offering a personal perspective on the modern psychiatry workplace.

"...This book is more than just a listicle of 10 Steps to Wellness, and I appreciated the author’s candor in describing her aversion to “meditation or..." Read more

"...Self-care for doctors and other healthcare workers is the foundation of a good health system, and Dr. Gold’s book explains why." Read more

"...struggled to find the balance between caring for others and maintaining their own health...." Read more

"...is an insightful and timely exploration of mental health, written with empathy, authority, and a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding..." Read more

20 customers mention "Readability"20 positive0 negative

Customers find the book relatable and helpful for healthcare workers and non-healthcare workers alike. They say it's well-researched and provides extensive data on well-being. The book makes readers feel seen and understood, making it an essential read for college students. Readers appreciate the author's ability to maintain their engagement while sprinkling in just the right amount of information. Overall, they consider the book valuable continuing education material.

"This beautifully written, honest, funny memoir is a must-read for healthcare workers and for anyone who has struggled to find the balance between..." Read more

"...experiences to create a book that is not only accessible to a general audience but also rich with professional insight for those in the mental..." Read more

"...There's a lot of really valuable continuing ed in "How Do You Feel" that every practitioner could benefit from...." Read more

"...this book written away that was both accessible, accurate, and highly engaging...." Read more

19 customers mention "Relatability"19 positive0 negative

Customers find the book relatable. They appreciate the author's candor and ability to weave patient narratives into her own experiences. The author skillfully combines her own story, patient stories, and education on burnout. Readers describe the book as honest, compelling, and well-crafted.

"...more than just a listicle of 10 Steps to Wellness, and I appreciated the author’s candor in describing her aversion to “meditation or crystals”..." Read more

"This book — part memoir, part reflections on patient interactions — really encompasses a lot of the anxieties of healthcare workers, especially in..." Read more

"This beautifully written, honest, funny memoir is a must-read for healthcare workers and for anyone who has struggled to find the balance between..." Read more

"Dr Gold has written an incredibly relevant and relatable book that feels like having a watershed conversation with a friend who happens to be a..." Read more

16 customers mention "Insight"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the memoir insightful and engaging. They say it offers powerful lessons for all of us, a perfect opportunity to process their own experiences, and a refreshing testimony that they are not alone. The style makes the book both informative and relatable, offering a powerful reminder that balance is possible. Readers find the book relevant and impactful.

"...remind myself that I am more than a cog in a wheel, this book is a refreshing testimony that I am not alone." Read more

"...and backs up all of her claims with meticulous research...." Read more

"Dr. Jessi Gold’s book, How Do You Feel?, is an insightful and timely exploration of mental health, written with empathy, authority, and a deep..." Read more

"Dr Gold has written an incredibly relevant and relatable book that feels like having a watershed conversation with a friend who happens to be a..." Read more

A very human exploration of mental health
5 out of 5 stars
A very human exploration of mental health
Dr. Gold writes in a way that is relatable. Whether you’re a professional in a similar field or a member of the public, this is a very human exploration into a complex field and lived experiences. As a clinical social worker, this all felt a little too similar to some of my experiences. Much like Dr. Gold, I’m the member in the family and friend circle people come to, I take on the woes of the world, I doom scroll and try to help others, and all of this can be very challenging for a person who is naturally empathetic and prone to overworking themselves.I think for many of us reading this, we may find additional themes that strike a chord. How many of us give advice that at the end of the day we just don’t have the energy to follow? I know for me, work is my safe place, which means I miss lunch, I stay late, I take on side projects, I serve as a mentor and consultant, I speak to various groups, etc. It’s important to remember we’re meant to be more than our professions. Dr. Gold works through this with her own therapist, and that insight is as meaningful as her work with others.There are at least two areas where Dr. Gold and I diverge. One is our definition of FINE. She defines it as “Feelings I’m Not Expressing.” Mine is similar in nature, but certainly more colorful language I can’t write here if I want the review to be posted. The other is how she resisted the temptation of eating melted ice cream and belting out a Celine Dion song…I’ve done this at least once, which is one time too many (then again, melted ice cream is basically a milkshake).What I will say, is as a healthcare worker who worked in the throes of COVID with constant exposures and quarantines; this could be a challenging read at times. Not because of Dr. Gold’s writing, but because of her experiences and those she shared from others. You don’t have to be a healthcare worker to understand or to have experienced your own scares and tragedies with COVID. We’ve all experienced a collective trauma, and as a society we don’t yet know the full impact. Dr. Gold drives home the point that we all should be checking in with ourselves more often and talking to someone.The world is a better place with perspectives like Dr. Gold’s. We have to remember the humanity in everything we do.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2024
    In her book, Dr. Gold describes the journey of four “composite” patients (with details altered to protect their privacy) and weaves in her own challenges with burnout during the early-mid COVID days. As a healthcare worker myself, the patients feel very realistic and representative of the chaos of that time. As the healthcare system is likely to remain something of a meat grinder indefinitely, the coping strategies, diagnostic tips, and therapeutic humor in Dr. Gold’s book would be helpful for veteran workers as well as those starting out in medicine and other healing professions.
    This book is more than just a listicle of 10 Steps to Wellness, and I appreciated the author’s candor in describing her aversion to “meditation or crystals” while acknowledging that they may help others. I also laughed when she listed the ways her healthcare worker patients received encouragement from leadership, including being gifted empty plastic bags and rocks. Her quest is to remain a human being despite such struggles as the overwhelming mismatch between need for mental healthcare and provider availability, deep-rooted stigma toward mental health and framing this difficulty sensitively for activist younger generations, and the crushing list of demands on academic physicians and anyone who seeks to reach a broader audience while preserving time for a personal life. We healers are drawn to these occupations because of love for fellow humans, but it can be difficult to maintain the empowerment to be human ourselves. In a time when I have to continually remind myself that I am more than a cog in a wheel, this book is a refreshing testimony that I am not alone.
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 28, 2024
    This book — part memoir, part reflections on patient interactions — really encompasses a lot of the anxieties of healthcare workers, especially in the age of the COVID pandemic. Dr. Gold shares her own struggles (her self-disclosure is admirable, as is her thought process behind how much to share and how to share it) and backs up all of her claims with meticulous research. The writing felt a bit simple at times, but the message was strong and it’s so important that a book like this exists. Self-care for doctors and other healthcare workers is the foundation of a good health system, and Dr. Gold’s book explains why.
  • Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2024
    This beautifully written, honest, funny memoir is a must-read for healthcare workers and for anyone who has struggled to find the balance between caring for others and maintaining their own health.

    It offers a peek behind the curtain at the sometimes-toxic but well-intentioned Culture of Medicine where healthcare workers are told to soldier on in the face of trauma, crisis, and death – because there are always more patients to see. Through patient vignettes and stories about her own journey in academic medicine, Dr. Gold explores the boundaries and limits of being “resilient”. As one of her patients asks Dr. Gold, “At what point do you go from being resilient to ignoring your mental and physical health needs?” Even as an expert in burnout, Dr. Gold illustrates from her own story how easy it is to *not* recognize the signs of burnout or to minimize them.

    Dr. Gold acknowledges the many systemic factors that make it hard for people in healthcare to take care of their own health (i.e. long shifts with limited “back-up” coverage to attend therapy and/or doctor’s appointments, outdated credentialing/licensure applications that ask about past mental health treatment). And yet, in the end, she offers hope as she and her patients find different ways to pause, reset, heal, and find meaning in their important work. This should be required reading for anyone considering a career in healthcare!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2024
    Dr. Jessi Gold’s book, How Do You Feel?, is an insightful and timely exploration of mental health, written with empathy, authority, and a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding emotional well-being. As a practicing psychiatrist, Dr. Gold draws from her personal and professional experiences to create a book that is not only accessible to a general audience but also rich with professional insight for those in the mental health field.

    The book's strength lies in its ability to make the reader feel seen and understood. It emphasizes that mental health struggles are universal and valid, regardless of one’s background or social status. Dr. Gold offers practical advice on how to navigate the often turbulent landscape of mental health, from managing everyday anxiety to addressing more serious issues like depression and burnout.

    What sets How Do You Feel? apart from other self-help books is its conversational tone. Dr. Gold writes with a relatable voice that breaks down the stigma around discussing mental health, encouraging readers to engage with their feelings rather than suppress them. The author’s compassionate approach helps normalize seeking help and taking proactive steps to prioritize mental wellness.

    Dr. Gold’s thoughtful insights, paired with her warm and encouraging tone, make this book a valuable resource in today’s conversation about mental health. Highly recommended for anyone who is ready to explore their inner emotional world with curiosity and kindness.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • HH
    5.0 out of 5 stars Important read!
    Reviewed in Canada on November 2, 2024
    Dr. Gold's book, "How Do You Feel?" is a powerful read. It is honest, vulnerable, compassionate, insightful, funny, and heartfelt. This book will surely be a catalyst for encouraging genuine and impactful conversations about mental health and well-being both in and outside of healthcare. As a social worker and advocate for physician families, I highly recommend reading this book!