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Kalikoi
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How to Get a Girlfriend (When You're a Terrifying Monster): A Cozy Fantasy Romance (Monster Girlfriend Book 1) Kindle Edition

by Marie Cardno (Author), Kalikoi (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.0 out of 5 stars 781 ratings
Life is tough when you’re an eldritch abomination.

Trillin isn’t technically a person. She’s a tiny breakaway piece of consciousness from the all-devouring Endless, doomed to eventually rejoin it. But when a human witch stumbles into her world, Trillin suddenly has a new reason to figure out individuality–one shape-shifting tentacle at a time.

Sian is sure important magical discoveries are just around the corner, if she can just get her portals to work reliably. Reaching the dimension of the Endless without being eaten on sight is a dream come true, and Sian is determined to explore every bit of it. For science, of course, not for the strangely adorable life-form who keeps popping up and trying to… flirt?

But Trillin’s world can be a dangerous place, and keeping Sian safe might risk drawing the attention of the Endless itself–which will swallow Trillin up along with all her dreams of humanity. Together, can this unlikely duo escape the Endless, figure out the optimum number of appendages, and maybe even find love?

How to Get a Girlfriend (When You’re a Terrifying Monster) is a sapphic cozy fantasy romance between a witch scientist and a shape-shifting Cthulhu monster. Book one in the complete Monster Girlfriend trilogy. HEA guaranteed!
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  1. Book 1 of 3
    Monster Girlfriend
  2. Print length
    115 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publication date
    July 31, 2022
  5. File size
    2.0 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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  1. Because, as her heart was telling her, if anyone was going to make this human’s eyes glimmer with unearthly madness, it was going to be her.
    Highlighted by 176 Kindle readers
  2. “I won’t eat you.” Trillin’s voice was so sincere, so earnest, that Sian had to bite back a burst of giggles. “I know how to, now, but I won’t. I want you to know that.” “I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever told me.”
    Highlighted by 141 Kindle readers
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B09ZB77JZR
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Kalikoi (July 31, 2022)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 31, 2022
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 2.0 MB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 115 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.0 out of 5 stars 781 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Kalikoi

    Kalikoi

    Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Kalikoi brings you the best fiction about women in love with women. Our diverse authors know how to stir your imagination, speed up your heart, and make you laugh or cry. But by the end of a book, your only tears will be happy ones: Kalikoi books guarantee happily-ever-after or happy-for-now endings!

    Our heroines all identify as women, but beyond that, the sky’s the limit. They may be trans or cis; they may be lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual; they may call themselves queer or Sapphic or prefer no labels at all. Kalikoi celebrates ALL women who love women.

    Whether you’re looking for an action-packed paranormal romance, a fantasy to transport you to a magical world, a historical full of sensual detail, a moody noir, a lighthearted comedy, or a space adventure, Kalikoi has the book for you!

    See more on the author's page
  2. Marie Cardno

    Marie Cardno

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Marie Cardno loves cozy fantasy. She lives halfway between the sea and a French bakery, and writes stories about love, magic, and strange and wonderful worlds.

    See more on the author's page
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Customer reviews

4 out of 5 stars
781 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book's plot intriguing and unique, with one describing it as a bonkers love story. The book is a sweet, quick read with a wryly descriptive writing style and relatable characters, making it an adorable and cozy experience. Customers appreciate its short length and fast-paced adventure.

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33 customers mention "Plot"28 positive5 negative

Customers enjoy the plot of the book, finding it unique and intriguing, with one customer describing it as a bonkers love story.

"...There are so many sweet moments, and I just can't say enough good things about it." Read more

"...The main relationship has some really sweet moments that make me like them as a couple. But wow was I completely bored...." Read more

"...I enjoyed the idea of it and it was interesting enough that I completed it but at the same time im not interesed enough to read the next one...." Read more

"This was a cute and very interesting sapphic monster romance...." Read more

28 customers mention "Enjoyment"28 positive0 negative

Customers find the book enjoyable, describing it as a sweet little quick read and an awesome novelette.

"...Plus, in a wryly descriptive writing style that was a joy to read, the author managed to world-build more in a hundred pages than some other books..." Read more

"This was such a sweet little quick read! Recommended 10/10..." Read more

"Short, but so good. I loved the characters and the world. Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny." Read more

"...for some spice in this first one and it didn’t have that, but I enjoyed the journey, I do wish there was chapters more than page breaks, but that..." Read more

24 customers mention "Cuteness"24 positive0 negative

Customers find the book adorable and sweet, with one review specifically mentioning the horrifying-cute character Bunny.

"...I’m fine with low heat but it was also low relationship. Super unique but I was hoping for so much more." Read more

"...Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny." Read more

"...I loved getting to know them and I'm glad I read this! Very unique!" Read more

"I ADORE Sian and Trillin, and Bunny is horrifying-cute...." Read more

12 customers mention "Character development"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the character development in the book, finding them relatable, with one customer particularly noting the chemistry between the main characters.

"...Recommended 10/10 Honestly the character development was really good and I’m so excited for the next book!" Read more

"Short, but so good. I loved the characters and the world. Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny." Read more

"Loving the story between the two main characters and how they discover they like each other 😍 I'd recommend reading it...." Read more

"I liked the chemistry between main characters and that both of them comes form different worlds. Two different beings drawn to one another...." Read more

6 customers mention "Witty writing"6 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's wryly descriptive writing style and find it funny.

"...Plus, in a wryly descriptive writing style that was a joy to read, the author managed to world-build more in a hundred pages than some other books..." Read more

"...Trillion is sweet and interesting. The writing is very good...." Read more

"I enjoyed every second of this. The author has brilliant and snappy writing and the story is so heartfelt...." Read more

"...Sian was witty and fun and I loved how Trillin experinced Earth (and Bunny)...." Read more

5 customers mention "Pacing"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the pacing of the book, with one describing it as a fast-paced adventure and another noting it's a quick read.

"Short, but so good. I loved the characters and the world. Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny." Read more

"Novella length adventure...." Read more

"I ADORE Sian and Trillin, and Bunny is horrifying-cute. The story's swift pacing has definitely left me hungry for more witch-and-eldritch-creature..." Read more

"...It’s quick, witty and fun. Had a few plot holes. But overall a very cozy monster romance" Read more

3 customers mention "Length"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate that the book is short.

"Short, but so good. I loved the characters and the world. Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny." Read more

"...A short and entertaining distraction..." Read more

"Short, Fun Read That Kept Me Smiling..." Read more

3 customers mention "Warmth"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book warm and cozy, with one describing it as fluffy.

"Actual rating 3.5 - super cute and cozy, exactly what it says on the tin. An extra 5 words for review cause that’s what I have to say, lol sorry" Read more

"...If you are a fan of monster romance as a genre this is cute and fluffy...." Read more

"Cute & quick read. Even though there are stakes in this, it felt kinda cozy...." Read more

Cute Sapphic Fantasy
3 out of 5 stars
Cute Sapphic Fantasy
"Trillin knew one thing for certain. If anyone was going to make this human's eyes glimmer with unearthly madness, it was going to be her."⠀⠀Marie Cardno, How to Get a Girlfriend (When You're a Terrifying Monster)⠀⠀⠀How to Get a Girlfriend (When You're a Terrifying Monster) by Marie Cardno is a Cozy Fantasy Sapphic Romance with two adorable leading ladies. Trillin is such a unique character and I love how curious she is. Sian is also interesting and brave and I thought her use of magic was clever. The sci-fi vibe of the book is fun and creative with dreamy worldbuilding. The endless sounds super spooky but I'd be interested in reading more about it.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • BookBagLady
    5.0 out of 5 stars Weird and Wonderful and Sweet
    Reviewed in the United States on July 19, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    This book just kept surprising me. It was such a weird concept, but it works so well. I love these characters so much, and I never thought I'd say that about a romance with a truly monstrous (not just humanoid with some monster features) character. At one point, a character literally keeps screaming when she sees the other. There are so many sweet moments, and I just can't say enough good things about it.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Nat Paga
    4.0 out of 5 stars Eldritch Horror with a Heart of Gold!
    Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    This was a perfect bite-sized read for a crisp, spooky fall day. It has just about everything I look for in a book: a unique premise, witty characters who are interesting to follow, and sapphics bumbling into their feelings for one another. Plus, in a wryly descriptive writing style that was a joy to read, the author managed to world-build more in a hundred pages than some other books ever do. There’s less outright steam than I usually like, but Trillin and Sian are hilariously horny for each other right off the bat. My one complaint is that this part of their adventure ended rather abruptly, which made it feel more like a ‘part 1’ rather than a whole story. But, overall, it just means I want to read more, so that complaint seems moot.

    Add How to Get a Girlfriend (When You’re a Terrifying Monster) to your spook-tober reading today!
    2 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • MsRCreation
    3.0 out of 5 stars 2.5 stars
    Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This was definitely interesting and unique which I was really excited about at first. The main relationship has some really sweet moments that make me like them as a couple. But wow was I completely bored. For such a short read I was just ready to be done. I’m fine with low heat but it was also low relationship. Super unique but I was hoping for so much more.
    5 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars so cute
    Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This was such a sweet little quick read!
    Recommended 10/10
    Honestly the character development was really good and I’m so excited for the next book!
    Helpful
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  • Ana G
    4.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
    Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Short, but so good. I loved the characters and the world. Its a fast paced adventure, but Sian and Trillian are cute and I loved Bunny.
    Helpful
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  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Cute
    Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Loving the story between the two main characters and how they discover they like each other 😍 I'd recommend reading it.
    Helpful
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  • Marta
    4.0 out of 5 stars Nice story
    Reviewed in the United States on October 25, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I liked the chemistry between main characters and that both of them comes form different worlds. Two different beings drawn to one another. Can’t wait to read the second book in the series.
    One person found this helpful
    Helpful
     Report
  • Iris W.
    3.0 out of 5 stars interested to learn more
    Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Was hoping for some spice in this first one and it didn’t have that, but I enjoyed the journey, I do wish there was chapters more than page breaks, but that could just be me
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Nan
    5.0 out of 5 stars Speaking of Finding Love in Unexpected Places...
    Reviewed in Brazil on December 12, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    "How to..." is a sweet love story between a human witch and... well, a being that defies classification. Which is part of the appeal of the story, while we follow her journey finding out what is to be an individual, what she wants to be; and HOW to be it. It's all new to her.

    Add in some sanity defying moments, and a end-of-the-world situation just to spice it, and voila! A story that can give you the fuzzies and the jebbies. :)
    Report
  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Another Dimension
    Reviewed in Australia on March 5, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    I really love these stories that come out of the minds of authors. They are so far out of left field , but I love them anyway.
    Thank you for a wonderful story and if I can I will follow through and read the next instalment.
    Report
  • Katie
    4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 18, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Nice short read with lots of world building and great imagery. I really enjoyed learning about the Endless and feel awful that anything I say I this review will spoil it - go in blind, you’ll enjoy it is all I can say!
    Report
  • Emma Jun
    4.0 out of 5 stars Adorably Mind blowing
    Reviewed in Japan on August 20, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    The premise alone sold me on this story and I was not disappointed. It really is about an eldritch abomination falling for a human woman and their escape from the terrible dimension it came from. However, the story is elevated further by amazingly fitting and weirdly accurate descriptions of the aliens feelings and it’s interpretations of the ways of Earth. The only flaw is that it ends rather swiftly and abruptly. The goods news is there is a sequel coming because I do love the characters.
    Report
  • Philologus
    5.0 out of 5 stars Magnificent exploration of another dimension
    Reviewed in Germany on March 3, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Cardno‘s debut took me completely by surprise - who knew that a so-called monster romance would start with a magnificent, almost poetic and certainly philosophical imagination and exploration of another dimension. The dimension is home of the Endless void.
    I savoured how Cardno explored the evershifting Endless, a collective which allows no parts of it, at least not for long - except for Trillin, a small part and - gasp - thinking individual.
    Sian is a scientist and witch from the magical academy hidden beneath Dunedin University, New Zealand. She travels through a portal to explore the Endless —- and meets Trillin. This sets off a lot of action and reaction told with new twists and turns and lovingly polished to a fabulous novella.
    Small wonder this charming book won the coveted Sir Julius Vogel Award.
    Report

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