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Helena Rho

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American Seoul: A Memoir Hardcover – May 1, 2022

by Helena Rho (Author)

3.9 3,575 ratings

Editors' pick Best Nonfiction

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She was everything everyone else wanted her to be. Until she followed her own path.

Helena Rho was six years old when her family left Seoul, Korea, for America and its opportunities. Years later, her Korean-ness behind her, Helena had everything a model minority was supposed to want: she was married to a white American doctor and had a beautiful home, two children, and a career as an assistant professor of pediatrics. For decades she fulfilled the expectations of others. All the while Helena kept silent about the traumas―both professional and personal―that left her anxious yet determined to escape. It would take a catastrophic event for Helena to abandon her career at the age of forty, recover her Korean identity, and set in motion a journey of self-discovery.

In her powerful and moving memoir, Helena Rho reveals the courage it took to break away from the path that was laid out for her, to assert her presence, and to discover the freedom and joy of finally being herself.

Print length

224 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Little A
Publication date

May 1, 2022
Dimensions

5.5 x 1 x 8.25 inches
ISBN-10

1542035570
ISBN-13

978-1542035576
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Popular Highlights in this book

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And grief cannot be deferred or buried without exacting a catastrophic cost.
Highlighted by 249 Kindle readers
He knew that part of being a doctor was not necessarily to treat or to cure. Sometimes it was our duty to bear witness to the lives of our patients, to have them know their lives mattered.
Highlighted by 178 Kindle readers
But I was surprised that I had reacted to the past trauma with such emotion. I didn’t realize then that our bodies carry our trauma.
Highlighted by 111 Kindle readers

Editorial Reviews

Review

An Amazon Best Book of the Month: Nonfiction

“A poignant, personal, sometimes painful chronicle of self-awareness and understanding.” ―Kirkus Reviews

“As she takes us across three continents, from childhood to middle age, Helena Rho shares the raw truth of what it’s meant to strive for decades to be a good daughter, sister, mother, wife, and physician, all the while navigating the contradictory demands of Eastern and Western cultures. This is a powerfully heartfelt story about seeking the gravity of a place to belong while overcoming regrets and losses along the way. Her honesty is searing and, in the end, inspiring.” ―Julia Glass, author of Vigil Harbor and the National Book Award–winning Three Junes

“In her devastating memoir, American Seoul, Helena Rho underscores the central truth of being alive: that while we are often helpless to prevent our suffering at the hands of others, we are not helpless to reimagine ourselves, to invent ourselves anew. There are second acts in American lives, and Rho beautifully teaches us what living means after the anguish. She is among the rarest of memoirists who can alchemize experience into art.” ―William Giraldi, author of The Hero’s Body

“A compelling coming-of-age story of women confronting clashing cultures and helpless alienation written with passion and heroic honesty.” ―Lee Gutkind, editor and founder of Creative Nonfiction magazine

“In her riveting debut memoir, American Seoul, Helena Rho writes, ‘Perhaps everyone has a flaming wreckage of a life. We can choose to watch it burn. Or we can take the jagged pieces and make a new life with the repaired seams evident, stark and startling and beautiful.’ Here in my margin, I wrote, ‘Ars memoria,’ by which I meant, This is what a memoirist does―what the best memoirists do: they cauterize their words in those flames. Here in this passage, Rho foreshadows herself, for she has written her life as a book that is stark and startling and beautiful.” ―Julie Marie Wade, author of Wishbone: A Memoir in Fractures and Just an Ordinary Woman Breathing

“American Seoul is a redemptive, often harrowing, and irresistible memoir. Helena Rho handles the complexities of deceit, betrayal, and dire family secrets with intelligence, grace, and courage. Just when you think things can’t get worse, they get worse. But Helena clears the wreckage and moves on to become the person, the writer, she dreamed of being. This is a story so good, so exquisitely told, you’ll want to stand up and cheer when you’ve finished.” ―John Dufresne, author of No Regrets, Coyote

“A heart-filled, hard-won, and transcendent story of immigration and the generations after by a woman raised in a culture of high expectations. Exhausted, emotionally drained, and suffering from personal and intergenerational trauma, the author must also navigate rivers of the many personal, cultural, and professional ideals of what it means to be strong and confident, humble and self-sacrificing. Successful. Rho became a doctor―for others―and then a writer―for herself―and in making that choice created a way to remake her life. She wrote her way back to her Korean-ness, to wholeness, to becoming Heeseon again, and in doing so brings us all back to wholeness, compassion, and kindness.” ―Jenny Forrester, author of Narrow River, Wide Sky

“Helena Rho’s American Seoul is the triumphant story of one woman’s fight to reclaim herself, her body, her Korean identity, and her right to tell her story. Rho shows us the cost of being a daughter in a family that prefers sons, a Korean immigrant in an America that celebrates whiteness, and a doctor when her heart longed for a life in the arts. Thankfully, Rho bravely challenged and ultimately discarded the toxic ideas that almost broke her body and her spirit. American Seoul is a gift to the world and a light for anyone still searching for a way out of a life that chafes the spirit.” ―Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author of Group

“Helena Rho’s strength is unmistakable from the first pages of her ferocious memoir. Weaving threads of love, trauma, family, and the sometimes long, long journey toward home, Rho shows us how we can be made and unmade and made again. American Seoul is an unflinching chronicle of womanhood, motherhood, and selfhood, told with stark honesty and grace. This book is aria, howl, and lullaby―an unforgettable song.” ―Chelsea Biondolillo, author of The Skinned Bird

“In her moving memoir, American Seoul, Helena Rho writes unflinchingly about misogyny, racism, and abuse. Her beautiful prose fuels a clear-eyed exploration of her life and its joys and challenges. A memorable debut.” ―Cari Luna, author of The Revolution of Every Day

“American Seoul is a memoir that uncovers the in-between moments of a life―the shock of a car accident and the fluidity of a mind on the move in the milliseconds of the collision; the speculative spaces of the past in Korea to understand the frailties of parents; the abuse one endures and the trauma that shadows. Helena Rho shares her multiple lives: daughter, mother, wife, doctor, woman. It is a breathtaking tango that circles cultural identity, self-doubt and worth, and the vulnerabilities of living in a country that gives little and takes a lot.” ―Ira Sukrungruang, author of This Jade World

“Helena Rho’s American Seoul is as breathtaking as it is wise. This is the story of one brave woman’s journey through family, culture, and identity. In the journey from discipline and intellect to compassion and creativity, Helena generously maps out for us how much can be taken as well as how much can be given when one must escape cultural and familial inscription in order to live fully, love fully, and thrive. Sometimes stepping off the path takes more than a leap of faith. Sometimes the leap takes your whole heart.” ―Lidia Yuknavitch, author of The Chronology of Water

About the Author

Helena Rho is a three-time Pushcart Prize–nominated writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Slate, Sycamore Review, Solstice, Entropy, 805 Lit + Art, and the anthologies Rage and Reconciliation and Silence Kills. A former assistant professor of pediatrics, Helena received her doctor of medicine in 1992 and has practiced and taught at top-ten children’s hospitals: Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the Johns Hopkins Hospital, and Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. She earned her MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of Pittsburgh. For more information, visit www.helenarho.com.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Little A (May 1, 2022)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1542035570
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1542035576
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.1 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #420,374 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #374 in Asian & Asian Americans Biographies
- #4,725 in Women's Biographies
- #12,778 in Memoirs (Books)

Customer Reviews:
3.9 3,575 ratings

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Helena Rho

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HELENA RHO is a three-time Pushcart Prize–nominated writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including Slate, Sycamore Review, Solstice, Entropy, 805 Lit + Art, and the anthologies Rage and Reconciliation and Silence Kills. A former assistant professor of pediatrics, Helena received her doctor of medicine in 1992 and has practiced and taught at top-ten children’s hospitals: Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the Johns Hopkins Hospital, and Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. She earned her MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of Pittsburgh. For more information, visit www.helenarho.com.

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Joanna D.

Shatteringly painful and quietly heroic

Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2022

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This book starts out holding back nothing. Seemingly typical morning for a mother dropping the children off at preschool and suddenly a car accident changes this pediatrician's life. Not so much because of the injuries but because the true nature of those around her in her life is suddenly revealed and I don't mean in a good way.

The pain in this memoir is not just physical pain of having suffered a traumatic accident but the emotional pain of being dragged through divorce and child custody and child support with uncaring partners who suddenly are an enemy rather than a support system. And this trauma brings back all the childhood trauma of abuse that the author suffered.

You might cry. I wanted to.

Recommended for anyone who's been through a life trauma especially accident and divorce and abuse but be warned if you are triggered by painful stories.

124 people found this helpful

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David G. Eoff

Enjoyable book but ending is incomplete

Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2022

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I enjoyed this book and thought it had good similes. I admired how the author had so many horrible things happen to her in her life but somehow managed to overcome them and re-create herself to become her own authentic person. Unfortunately there were some unanswered loose ends at the end that bothered me, such as who molested Liam, and what happened to Erin. It sounds as if she isn't close to her daughter as the book ends, and I wish Rho had gone into more detail about her relationships with her grown children today, but maybe she judged it an invasion of their privacy. Also, I felt sad that she didn't talk to her kind aunt for ten years after her aunt welcomed her into her family in South Korea. I think Rho was spending a lot of energy going through her divorce and was hampered by a lot of emotional issues. I hope she can get closer to her daughter instead of continuing the same broken mother-daughter relationship dynamic that had been occurring in her family for three generations already.

Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2022

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Thank you, Prime for choosing this book for First reads this month. I choose this book because I really want to understand Korean families, their traditions, and how the dynamics of the family work. I felt this book written by a Korean-American would help me achieve this. At times the book is so heart-wrenching I almost stopped reading. Helena Rho is so brutally honest with her writing, no holds on the difficult stuff. I did learn a lot about Korean history and how much tradition and family play a huge part in the Korean family. I will say that I did wonder what happens to Erin.

One person found this helpful

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Peter Mladinic

A Daughter's Hand

Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2022

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A Daughter’s Hand

She reached for my hands with both of hers and pulled them to her face, pressing my palms to her cheeks.

Hands are significant in this memoir: a daughter’s hand reaching out, a doctor’s hand healing, a writer’s hand moving across the page, the self moving across continents. Helena Rho dedicates American Seoul to her mother. Her memoir emphasizes the value of heritage, the persistence of personality, and the triumph of memory.

Having lived in Korea in early childhood, and started school there, the author with her family moved to Uganda, where she started to learn English. In adulthood, in the U.S., she remembered not one word of her native language. A language constitutes a world; that idea is significant in Rho’s memoir. She goes into a Korean shop for lunch with her daughter, and a woman working there encourages her to speak Korean, as does a woman, a minister’s wife, with whom Rho talks on the phone about lessons in Korean for her daughter and son. Growing up, she didn’t speak Korean with her parents. They had artifacts from Korea in their home, but they never talked to her about Korea. She wants her daughter and son to know they are Korean, she wants them to know their heritage. They travel with her to Korea, and meet her cousins and play with her cousins’ children. Most importantly, she wants to know she is Korean, and that fervent desire is clear in the bond she forms with Emo, her mother’s sister, her aunt who lives in Korea. Emo is a role model for heritage in this memoir, helping the author to know herself, that she is Korean, kin to ancestors who go back thousands of years. Symbolic in Rho’s memoir is the framed picture of a crane that was prominently displayed in her mother’s home, and that is now with the author, literally with her and her daughter as they drive on a rainy day and a few raindrops get on the picture, and she imagines the crane in flight. They have just come from her mother’s apartment where she and her daughter stood outside a door that was not opened. In contrast Emo opens her own door to Rho, and the also doors to her heritage.

Rho’s father was a physician. He was the oldest son in his family. Her mother had four
daughters, but no son; that is one reason the family left Korea. Her mother was looked down on, especially by her father-in-law, for having no son. The author, like her father, becomes a medical doctor, a pediatrician, a doctor with a love of Shakespeare and English literature, who wants to write. She is a dedicated physician. Her mentor is a doctor who pioneered work with children who have AIDS; he was the first doctor to show how children are born with AIDS, how the disease is passed from parent to child. Some of the most poignant parts of Rho’s memoir are her interactions with seriously ill, often terminally ill children, and with parents. She herself is the parent, who mostly cares for two young children on her own, since her husband, also a physician is often away. At age forty, Rho leaves medicine to be a full-time parent, who wants to write. She feels alone in her marriage, and bored playing children’s game, and also distanced from her three sisters, who seem jealous of her and unable to understand why she stopped being a doctor. She is self-conflicted, and that conflict is manifested in her love of the American writer Ernest Hemingway. She loves Hemingway the writer, and loathes the Hemingway man, the misogyny and big-game hunting machoism Hemingway is known for. In some ways he is like SS, her ex-husband. During and after their divorce he “drags out” legal proceedings, not so much for money but for power. Rho’s mother was despised by her father-in-law, for not having a son. Ironically Rho is very close to her own father-in-law, whom she affectionately calls Poppy. He calls her Pook, and encourages her to write, to be herself. Ironically he is the opposite of his narcissistic son, the husband who gets angry and breaks things and says it’s his wife’s fault, the husband to whom she apologizes, the husband who, ironically, initiates the break up, the husband she comes to know for who he is, and, in the process, comes to know herself.

Helena Rho is a writer, a memoirist who is working on a novel about Korea. She is a daughter, a sister, a mother. She was a pediatrician. Who she was is part of who she is. She was the girl sexually abused by the older boy, the girl sexually abused by the male math tutor in Uganda, the wife bruised by the out of control husband, the doctor sued by the mother of boy whose injured hand she tended, sued for something that happened through no fault of her own. The girl who saw from a boat the blood clouded water where an alligator had killed a flamingo, and instinctively became aware of the danger that lurks beneath the surface. The woman who remembers all she has lived. She knows a person can bear scars and live “happily ever after.” There is distance in this memoir, between parent and child, between husband and wife, between sisters. There is also closeness: Dr. Oleske, Emo, Poppy, Liam the author’s son, also her cousins in Korea, are living presences in that closeness. As is the woman in the shop where mother and daughter have gone for lunch, after the daughter’s Saturday ballet lesson. The woman encourages Rho to speak Korean, there in Pittsburg, PA, to be Korean, to be herself, an integral part of a culture that goes back four thousand years. To read Helena Rho’s story is to know what it is to be human, and to experience the triumph of memory in sentences that are lyrical and precise, so very well written. There’s only one Helena Rho, there is no other memoir like hers.

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GoodnSimple

poignant

Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2022

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I like memoirs about people who have lived lives completely different than me. This is definitely one, the difference between growing up in a secure family, our immigration in a distant past, within a culture of individual can do, no matter if one was male or female and what Helena experienced… her reactions to things frustrated and shocked me, but it was good for me to understand. We lived a similar life as far as things that happened- but our responses were so very different. I can’t say I enjoyed the book but I’ve been blessed by the content, and I think I am better for having read it.

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C.

Honest

Reviewed in Canada on May 15, 2022

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The book adequately documents the emotional peaks and valleys of immigrating to North America. I could see myself in her experience even if I am from a different Asian country.

Kindle Customer

Enjoyable book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 2, 2022

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Thoroughly enjoyed it. I read it in an afternoon. I really felt for the author. I am looking forward to reading more of her books.

Kindle Customer

Good read

Reviewed in Australia on May 29, 2022

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Good insightful account of a life of a woman living in a country in which she never really felt at home with. She ends up realising she has lived a lie.

Libby Hsiao

A counterpoint to Tiger Moms

Reviewed in Canada on May 16, 2022

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Reading this as an Asian, there were many aspects that I could empathize with especially the pre-conceived notion of success and constant judgement. Helena's voice does a great job of presenting those aspects of the Korean culture here, while at the same time expresses the themes on a more universal level that I believe many children and their parents struggle navigating. I'm happy to see that Asian perspectives in writing are being represented.

Sara Kirk

Engaging read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 7, 2022

Verified Purchase

For the most part I really enjoyed this book. Having never read a book about Korea before, I found learning about the culture and food especially interesting. Although my life has no obvious similarities to Helena's, I found the struggles of national identity, parents approval, and career changes particular relatable. My only criticism is that I wanted to know more. What happened to the daughter? Why is she not even mentioned in the acknowledgements? How did she successfully transition from being a doctor to being a writer? I feel that some parts were glossed over towards the last section of the book that left me with a lot of questions. In general though a great read and I look forward to reading other book from her.

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