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Low-Demand Parenting Paperback – July 21, 2023

by Amanda Diekman (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 152 ratings
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"Low-demand parenting requires radical acceptance. It says to the kid right in front of you, I see you, just as you are. - You are ok here. I love you right here."

Parent to neurodivergent children and autistic adult, Amanda Diekman, outlines a parenting approach that finally lowers the bar for the whole family, enabling the equilibrium of the home to be restored.

Low-demand parenting allows you to drop the demands and expectations that are making family life impossible and embrace the joyful freedom of living life with low demands. It can be a particularly effective approach for children with high anxiety levels including neurodivergent children. Amanda talks from experience and teaches you how to identify what the big, tiny and invisible demands are for your own child and gives you the step-by-step instructions on how to drop them.

Full of practical resources and scripts that are easy to implement in busy everyday life, this book is your flashlight and your map to parenting your uniquely wired child. It will not tell you where to go, but it will help you find your way so you and your family thrive.

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    160 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Jessica Kingsley Publishers
  4. Publication date
    July 21, 2023
  5. Dimensions
    5.43 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    183997768X
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1839977688
  8. See all details
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Popular Highlights in this book
What are popular highlights?
Previous page
  1. The most important thing a parent can do when children are having a hard time is stay connected.
    Highlighted by 134 Kindle readers
  2. Low-demand parenting requires radical acceptance. It says to the kid right in front of you: I see you, just as you are. I will release all the projections, shoulds, hopes, and dreams I’ve held tightly to. I will let go of all the plans I’ve made for you. And instead, I will see where you are, right now, and accept that this is an ok place to be. You are ok here. I love you right here.
    Highlighted by 127 Kindle readers
  3. PDA is a neurobiological condition that wires with an extreme and pervasive need for autonomy and control. Any perceived threats to that freedom produce a panic-driven anxiety reaction. PDAers will fight, flee, faint, or fawn as if their lives literally depend on it.
    Highlighted by 125 Kindle readers
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Editorial Reviews

Review

An empowering and compassionate guide for parents seeking an alternative approach to raising their children. This book beautifully captures the essence of low-demand parenting, providing practical strategies to honor children's boundaries, build trust, and nurture their authentic selves. It's a game-changer for those ready to embrace a radically respectful and joy-filled relationship with their kids. A must-read for any parent looking to break free from traditional parenting norms.--Debbie Reber, host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast and author of Differently Wired.

Drawing from her expertise and life experience as an autistic adult, Amanda Diekman's 'Low-Demand Parenting' offers a compassionate and practical guide for parents that will increase their understanding and the experience of their neurodivergent children. Amanda provides guidance to support and develop trust with all children, even those with the most difficulty dealing with the challenges of a neurotypical world. As a result, parents will be set on a path to foster genuine connections and develop a positive sense of self. 'Low-Demand Parenting' is a breath of fresh air given all the discipline oriented approaches that confront parents, and will be a valuable resource for creating a nurturing environment where children can thrive and be celebrated for who they are.--Barry M. Prizant, Ph.D., CCC-SLP, Author of Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism and The SCERTS Model

Parents of neurodivergent children, especially parents of kids who fit the PDA profile of autism, will benefit from reading Amanda Diekman's book on low-demand parenting. In addition to giving clear guidance, her heartfelt journey of acceptance is a beautiful read.--Diane Gould, Founder PDA North America

Book Description

Short, easy-read guide for parents on how to reduce family conflict by dropping unnecessary demands from daily life to help neurodivergent families to thrive.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Jessica Kingsley Publishers (July 21, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 160 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 183997768X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1839977688
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.43 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 152 ratings

About the author

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Amanda Diekman

Amanda Diekman

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Amanda Diekman is an autistic adult, parent coach and author in the neurodiversity space. Amanda became a leading voice in the movement for low demand parenting practices with her book “Low-Demand Parenting,” published July 2023. Amanda runs a successful coaching practice for parents of neurodivergent children including online courses and a vibrant membership community. She lives with her husband Brian and three neurodivergent children in an intentional community in Durham, NC.

She has been published extensively online, including at ADDitude Magazine, Her View From Home, Not An Autism Mom, PDA Parents, and the Mighty. You can find her programs and writing online at www.amandadiekman.com and engage with her on Instagram at @LowDemandAmanda.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
152 global ratings
Marvelous book. Easy to read, profoundly applicable and useful.
5 Stars
Marvelous book. Easy to read, profoundly applicable and useful.
This book is a gem for anyone with neurodivergent people in their lives AND for everone else! Besides telling her story so beautifully, Amanda is helping to provide a new narrative about rising above our cultural norms that don't allow ( pretty much all of) us to really be ourselves. This book is simple to read as far as content and format, but anything but simple in the profound concepts that are presented.
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Top reviews from the United States

allifam
5.0 out of 5 stars So Affirming, Encouraging, Validating, and Helpful
Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2023
Verified Purchase
This is the book I wish I’d had when I first stumbled across the term Pathological Demand Avoidance many years ago when I was searching for answers to help me better understand and therefore, better support, my struggling four year old. This was at a time when PDA was less known that it is now, and still it’s hard to find a practitioner who has heard of it these days.

The author gives a raw and heartfelt summation of her experience on this path of discovery, and practical tools to help identify the demands in our child’s life, and which ones can be dropped or need to be kept. I’ve been doing this the long, arduous way for a few years now, am no stranger to the concept of creating a low demand environment, nor to the idea of declarative language, and still I have found helpful tips, tools, and some reframing that I still need to work on.

I’m only halfway through and I’m so excited about this book that I had to come leave a quick review.

Oh! I also appreciate the formatting and short, direct sentences. It’s not a very long book, and with the formatting and succinct structure, my own neurospicy brain can stay engaged with the content and absorb it in small chunks as needed. I truly appreciate that.
14 people found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars This book could change your life!
Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2023
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Discovering Low Demand Parenting changed the trajectory of my family's well-being. Parenting and living through this lens allowed my PDA autistic son to heal from burnout, and gave me space to begin moving through the trauma of his crisis years. The book balances Amanda's inspiring personal story with highly accessible, implementable steps to help your child, your parenting partner, and you, live more peaceful, attuned, and fulfilling lives. There are changes you can make immediately upon reading this book, and there are mindset shifts you will process as you continue on your journey. Truly, the Low Demand lifestyle is long game parenting. It's parenting to change the world and challenge the status quo when you know the norm is not the right fit for your family. Low Demand Parenting is essential for PDA, but helpful for all parents and caregivers who want to focus on connection, relationships, and meeting the needs of the whole family in a respectful way.
3 people found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars This is the book about PDA I was searching for
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2023
Verified Purchase
Earlier this year, our family was at it's breaking point in so many ways. Finally, answers came in the way of a PDA diagnosis for my 11-year-old daughter. That gave us some understanding but not a lot of answers about what to actually DO. This book takes a lot of the ideas about how to help a PDA child (and therefore an entire family) and puts them into practical terms that can actually be acted on. I identified with so much of Amanda's story. I appreciate the insight and thoughtful way this book is presented, as well as how raw and honest it is. We are still figuring this all out a day at a time, but this book really helped us get on a track that works so much better and releases SO MUCH guilt, shame, and doubt about the struggles we face and how we must approach every minor aspect of our lives. Thank you!
4 people found this helpful
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Faye Porter
5.0 out of 5 stars EXCELLENT and solid read
Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2023
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REALLY like the friendly and easy to read lay out of this book. There are great resources and prompts for parents at the back of the book that can help get you started on your low demand journey. I was going to get the audiobook but saw a friends copy and loved the layout so I got my own and so glad I did. I refer to the book over and over and really appreciate the authenticity of the author and how zero judgment there is in however you go about your low demand journey to best fit your own families needs. GREAT read!
One person found this helpful
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mosslake
3.0 out of 5 stars Yeah, not for teens - when school matters
Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2024
Verified Purchase
I don't understand why the author did not seek accommodations for her children at school, rather than pull them out of school. These children would be entitled to all kinds of supports. Pulling them out of school would seem to create an understanding by the children they don't "have to" go back - as part of her low-demand parenting approach. That will be tough to overcome.
3 people found this helpful
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Kathryn B
5.0 out of 5 stars There is more than one way to raise a child
Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book has a powerful message for all, if they are willing to hear it. There is more than one way to raise a child. When you are able to stop and evaluate what is truly of value to you and your family there are suddenly many paths you can take.

Low-demand parenting may not be the right fit for every family but I do think there is incredible value in learning about what a different way can look. I know this is a tall order in a world where there are a lot of demands on people's time but the read is short and accessible. Amanda does a great job of balancing presenting a general framework and providing specific examples to support understanding for the reader without being prescriptive and narrow, which would not align with values of low demand parenting.

Highly recommend to those with differently wired kiddos but also those working with differently wired kiddos in education, healthcare and mental health. The more we can learn about the honest experiences of others we can accept that there are many options and choices available.
2 people found this helpful
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Emily A.
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read, organized, & priceless resource for parenting my PDA child!
Reviewed in the United States on March 1, 2024
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This book is great, particularly if you're struggling with a demand avoidant child. I feel the approach can be beneficial for any child, but for raising PDA children, it's priceless.
One person found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars Marvelous book. Easy to read, profoundly applicable and useful.
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book is a gem for anyone with neurodivergent people in their lives AND for everone else! Besides telling her story so beautifully, Amanda is helping to provide a new narrative about rising above our cultural norms that don't allow ( pretty much all of) us to really be ourselves. This book is simple to read as far as content and format, but anything but simple in the profound concepts that are presented.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Marvelous book. Easy to read, profoundly applicable and useful.
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2023
This book is a gem for anyone with neurodivergent people in their lives AND for everone else! Besides telling her story so beautifully, Amanda is helping to provide a new narrative about rising above our cultural norms that don't allow ( pretty much all of) us to really be ourselves. This book is simple to read as far as content and format, but anything but simple in the profound concepts that are presented.
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One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Louise Patton
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect for PDA families
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 2, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book is a great perspective shift from ‘traditional’ parenting books. If you have PDA/neurodivergent kids (or grownups) it’s going to help you save your relationships, stop shaming yourself for how you have to live (which is very different to a lot of people), and work out how to take care of everyone’s needs as best as possible. I’ve followed Amanda for a while and her advice and knowledge means that my kids trust me, they know I’ll respect their ‘no’ when it’s too hard, and subsequently our world has opened up and they feel safe to learn (self-directed). Life can still be very hard, but so much better than it was in the dark days of burnout when kids were unable to eat, leave screens, or go out of the house. Thank you Amanda <3
7 people found this helpful
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Caroline
5.0 out of 5 stars Radical and lifechanging!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 1, 2023
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I have been a teacher and worked with kids for all of my adult life. I thought I knew exactly how to bring up kids until I had neurodivergent teenage girls. This has turned all of my ideas about what is right on their heads and has transformed our household. It has enabled me to parent my daughter in such a way as to connect with her much more deeply, help her to manage so many things that she wasn't managing before and it feels like it's enabled me to 'bring her back from the dead'!
5 people found this helpful
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Sammie
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally somebody gets us!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 27, 2023
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With this book, it feels like someone gets my family. It wipes aside the shame I feel what talking about this method with 'professionals'. What I absolutely love is that Diekman backs up her assertions with references to the research. So not only do I feel empowered on our journey, I feel I have been given the tools to battle the prejudice and shame of outdated thinking. Thank you Amanda.
3 people found this helpful
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Mkh
3.0 out of 5 stars Ok..
Reviewed in Australia on December 8, 2023
Verified Purchase
Most of the content is similar to the declaration handbook book .overall ok.
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Christa Leonard
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing and transformative
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 23, 2023
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Loved this book! So easy to read and accessible for busy parents to read snatches here and there. Amanda is kind and gracious and shares such helpful wisdom in this book, it’s made an absolutely incredible difference to my mindset and to my relationships with my neurodivergent kids. Highly, highly recommend!
5 people found this helpful
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