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Me, Myself, and Us Paperback – April 5, 2016
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Are you hardwired for happiness, or born to brood? Do you think you're in charge of your future, or do you surf the waves of unknowable fate? Would you be happier, or just less socially adept, if you were less concerned about what other people thought of you? And what about your "Type A" spouse: is he or she destined to have a heart attack, or just drive you to drink?
In the past few decades, new scientific research has transformed old ideas about the nature of human personality. Neuroscientists, biologists, and psychological scientists have reexamined the theories of Freud and Jung as well as the humanistic psychologies of the 1960s, upending the simplistic categorizations of personality "types," and developing new tools and methods for exploring who we are. Renowned professor and pioneering research psychologist Brian R. Little has been at the leading edge of this new science. In this wise and witty book he shares a wealth of new data and provocative insights about who we are, why we act the way we do, what we can -- and can't -- change, and how we can best thrive in light of our "nature."
Me, Myself, and Us explores questions that are rooted in the origins of human consciousness but are as commonplace as yesterday's breakfast conversation, such as whether our personality traits are "set" by age thirty or whether our brains and selves are more plastic. He considers what our personalities portend for our health and success, and the extent to which our well-being depends on the personal projects we pursue.
Through stories, studies, personal experiences, and entertaining interactive assessments, Me, Myself, and Us provides a lively, thought-provoking, and ultimately optimistic look at the possibilities and perils of being uniquely ourselves, while illuminating the selves of the familiar strangers we encounter, work with, and love.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPublicAffairs
- Publication dateApril 5, 2016
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.72 x 8.25 inches
- ISBN-109781610396387
- ISBN-13978-1610396387
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About the Author
For more information, visit brianrlittle.com or follow him on Twitter @DrBrianRLittle.
Product details
- ASIN : 1610396383
- Publisher : PublicAffairs; Reprint edition (April 5, 2016)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781610396387
- ISBN-13 : 978-1610396387
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.72 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #636,923 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #459 in Popular Psychology Creativity & Genius
- #1,385 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
- #6,103 in Personal Finance (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Customers find the book insightful, particularly appreciating its personality assessments and practical concepts. Moreover, the writing is well-suited for laypeople, making it an enjoyable read. Additionally, customers find the book humorous, with one noting how the author intersperses humor throughout the text.
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Customers find the book insightful, appreciating its practical concepts and assessments that help determine personality. One customer mentions it provides a new perspective on subconscious processes.
"...pleasure to read a book that is clearly written and humorous yet full of insights...." Read more
"...It was pretty informative and actually really interesting...." Read more
"...It breaks down personality psychology and explains how our traits, goals, and environment shape who we are...." Read more
"...Dr. Little has us laughing, thinking, reflecting, questioning, and at the same time learning learning and learning about ourselves, our friends, our..." Read more
Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as first-class and great for fun, with one customer noting it's one of the greatest books about selfhood.
"...Me, Myself, and Us is the book for 2015. It is a pleasure to read a book that is clearly written and humorous yet full of insights...." Read more
"...It’s packed with cool insights, and honestly, it’s a great read even if you’re not into psych...." Read more
"...Me, Myself, And Us is a fantastic book...." Read more
"I enjoyed this book, but felt like it didn't contain the depth I was hoping to find...." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing quality of the book, finding it well-suited for the layperson and accessible, with one customer highlighting the author's knowledge and wit.
"...It is a pleasure to read a book that is clearly written and humorous yet full of insights...." Read more
"...The writing is super easy to follow, and the author makes it interesting without it feeling like a boring textbook...." Read more
"...It's a very accessible, smart, and funny read, that will have you pause at times to reflect and think." Read more
"...The author is absolutely delightful, intelligent, and entertaining. As a personality coach, I found this book to be the best one I've read so far." Read more
Customers find the book humorous and entertaining, with one customer noting how the author intersperses humor throughout the writing.
"...It is a pleasure to read a book that is clearly written and humorous yet full of insights...." Read more
"...It was pretty informative and actually really interesting...." Read more
"...It's a very accessible, smart, and funny read, that will have you pause at times to reflect and think." Read more
"...The author is absolutely delightful, intelligent, and entertaining. As a personality coach, I found this book to be the best one I've read so far." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2015Review of Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being by Brian R. Little
About once a year you read a book that both confirms your beliefs and introduces you to new ways of thinking. Me, Myself, and Us is the book for 2015. It is a pleasure to read a book that is clearly written and humorous yet full of insights. Thankfully it gives neuroplasticity a miss and tries to explain how you can have a happy life without morphing into a sermon on new-age spirituality. Instead Little takes as his mantra that happiness is derived by understanding who we are and what we do and then spends 288 pages explaining how it can be achieved.
The first insight by Little is that there are three sources of our personality traits:
1. Biogenic referring to the aspects of our personality sourced genetically. (50%)
2. Sociogenic, those aspects learned from social and cultural factors (25%), and
3. Idojenic, referring to the aspects of our personality best accounted for by (idiosyncratic) individual factors such as personal values, goals, projects and commitments. (25%)
Personally I think the London Twins study makes the percentages more like 66%-17%-17% but it still is a very useful model.
With regard to Biogenic factors Little begins by dumping on Myers-Briggs saying the test lacks both reliability and validity. In addition he makes the point that it is not Type that counts in personality but traits. I must confess as someone who regards MBTI as a waste of time I enjoyed this section. Instead Little recommends the reader adopt the Big Five model. The five-factor model (FFM) indentifies 5 core traits:
1. openness to creativity
2. conscientiousness
3. extraversion
4. agreeableness
5. neuroticism
OCEAN is often used as a mnemonic to remember the traits. Each trait is distributed normally in the population. In other words 67% of the population fall within plus or minus 1 standard devation and have an average level of the trait. So one sixth of the population would be classified as Extravert, one sixth as Introverts, and two-thirds as Ambiverts. The MBTI say you are either an Extravert or Introvert.
Personally I prefer the Humm-Wadsworth with its seven factors to the FFM; however the five most common factors in the Humm are identical to the FFM.
Little then goes on to both list a number of secondary factors and provide for each factor a simple questionnaire. Unfortunately he then slips into the same error as the MBTI by saying you are at one end of the spectrum or the other. For example Self Monitoring refers to the individual's trait sensitivity and responsiveness to social factors. High Self Monitors are highly responsive to needs and perspectives of others and are apt to avoid conflict at all costs. Low Self Monitors stick to their own beliefs and attitudes which can make them unconscious and boorish but they are not afraid of healthy conflict. The reality is that two-thirds of us are clustered around the mean.
Similarly with locus of control which refers to the extent to which individuals believe are in control of the events affecting them. A person’s locus is either internal (the person believes they are primarily in control of their life course) or external (meaning they believe their life course is primarily controlled by external factors which they cannot influence). Again two-thirds of us cluster around the mean.
However the part of the book I found really illuminating is when Little described the idojenic contribution to our behaviour. Little uses himself as an example. He describes as an introvert who when he is lecturing projects himself as an pseudo=extrovert. I myself have had the same experience. People are often surprised to hear according to the MBTI that I am an introvert. But I am. I have simply adapted my personality to meet the demands of the situation. People do behave "out of character" or counter to their typical disposition.
Little makes great play about how important it is for your own happiness to be doing projects that are congruent with your genetic traits. According to Little most of us have up to 15 projects on the go. He refers to a website 43.com which had been operating since 2005 and collects list of projects from people. Top of the list is losing weight followed by going to write a book. Unfortunately for Little the website closed down in March 2015. Nevertheless his book is first class and well worth purchasing.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2025This book was required as a part of an organizational behavior course I took. It was pretty informative and actually really interesting. The only reason I gave it four stars instead of five is because I personally am not really into informative and research Facebook books, but there were parts I found cool.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2025Me, Myself, and Us by Brian T. Little was a required book for my psych class, and I actually really liked it. It breaks down personality psychology and explains how our traits, goals, and environment shape who we are. The writing is super easy to follow, and the author makes it interesting without it feeling like a boring textbook. It’s packed with cool insights, and honestly, it’s a great read even if you’re not into psych. I’d recommend it to anyone who’s curious about how people work.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2014Let me preface this review with a cautionary note: I'm a doctoral student in behavioral science, I have read about personality psychology extensively and have interacted with Dr. Little in person a few times.
Me, Myself, And Us is a fantastic book. Dr. Little has us laughing, thinking, reflecting, questioning, and at the same time learning learning and learning about ourselves, our friends, our foes, and anyone else we care to put within our personal radar. Throughout the book, the common theme of questioning how people behave, why they behave how they behave, and what we can do about it, is as helpful a guide as any that has ever been written about the subject.
My favourite quote of the book, that I have since started using in every day usage, is the idea of "acting out of character", which Dr. Little uses to illustrate one of his key theories. In short, acting out of character has a dual meaning; on the one hand, it describes situations where we act in ways that run contrary to our biological make-up and our sociological/cultural up-bringing; at the same time, acting out of character can also describe situations where we act because of our character, because of what we believe in, and because of things that are important for us. Acting out of character therefore describes situations where introverts act like extroverts, where selfish people act kind, or where social butterflies act more calm. Crucially, we can not act out of character all the time, but need spaces where we can be in-tune with our character again, which Dr. Little calls "restorative niches" to maintain levels of well-being.
For anyone interested in the self, whether it's their own or other peoples', I can only wholeheartedly recommend reading Dr. Little's book, which I would call his magnum opus (to date). It's a very accessible, smart, and funny read, that will have you pause at times to reflect and think.
- Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2023This book is filled with information. It is fabulously written and I found myself laughing out loud on multiple occasions. The author is absolutely delightful, intelligent, and entertaining. As a personality coach, I found this book to be the best one I've read so far.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 14, 2014I enjoyed this book, but felt like it didn't contain the depth I was hoping to find. Brian Little does intersperse humor into his writing, and he conveys his message about the nature and nuances of personality well. I was not quite able to translate that fully into creating well-being.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 23, 2015Interesting, informative. A bit slow for me in the last chapters, but I am glad I bought and read it. The author has a very engaging writing style.
Top reviews from other countries
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はーるReviewed in Japan on July 9, 2020
5.0 out of 5 stars Great.
少し到着が送れましたが、綺麗に包装されてとどきました。読むのが楽しみ。
- Dave WraithReviewed in the United Kingdom on July 19, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for anyone interested in personality
I’ve been a fan of the Myers Briggs type indicator (MBTI) since I first heard my spookily-accurate personality summary many years ago. So it’s a little disconcerting that Brian Little’s intriguing Me Myself and Us gives rather short shrift to this popular personality indicator. Apparently, while the MBTI is ‘adequate’ on accuracy, it scores low on consistency: if you take the test twice, you may get a different type profile. But he acknowledges the power of the ‘magical transformation’ that can occur when you recognise yourself in your profile, and proclaim, as I did: “that really is me!”
Little’s main objection to the MBTI is that it places people too rigidly into one of its 16 types – INFJ, ESTP and so on. Personality, he argues, is far too nuanced to be treated in this way. In Me Myself and Us, he explores those nuances, broadening the way we might consider personality as a whole.
As with other personality scholars, like Daniel Nettle in 'Personality', Little prefers to focus on the ‘Big Five’ when measuring these traits: Conscientiousness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism, Openness, and Extraversion. Little subjects these traits (sometimes known by the acronyms CANOE or OCEAN) to an entertaining discussion. We learn, for example, that:
- Features of personality can be detected in newborn babies. For example, babies destined to being extraverts will orient towards loud noises: those destined to being introverts will turn away.
- Conscientiousness is highly associated with success in life: but agreeableness is not. In fact, agreeableness is one of the weakest predictors of organisational success, and agreeable people (especially men) are often less successful in their working life.
- While agreeable people are more likely to report they are happy, disagreeable people are more likely to say they are happy when they are being disagreeable!
- Introverts have greater sensitivity to pain than do extraverts – particularly if they are also neurotic.
- Extraverts are more likely to opt for quantity, introverts for quality: a preference that is a frequent cause of tension between colleagues!
Other influences on behaviour considered by Little include environmental influences, and whether individuals have an internal or external ‘locus of control’ (a tendency to attribute events to our own actions, or to external factors outside our control).
He also tackles the way an individual’s behaviour is influenced by the situation they’re in. People who are high social monitors (HSMs) tend to bend their behaviour to match their social situation. People who are low social monitors (LSMs) adopt a ‘take me or leave me’ approach: they act pretty much the same way in every social setting.
As HSMs are used to flexing their behaviour to different social settings, they find it easier to ‘act out of character’, extending themselves beyond their fixed personality traits. LSMs find it harder – and indeed, they don’t understand why they should either. This difference can easily cause disharmony within relationships. As Little comments, the behaviour an HSM may call ‘socially appropriate’ an LSM may call ‘being a fake’. This is a fascinating chapter, showing how people – whatever their traits – bend themselves, or not, to different situations. It made me review not just my own tendencies but also those of other people in my life, and helped me to better understand areas of potential conflict.
Finally, Little reveals how we exercise our freedom to act out of character to advance our own personal projects, particularly core ones that we care deeply about. Chosen well, these projects help us achieve our goals or live by our values – and can greatly enhance our wellbeing. But poor choices can also bring on stress and unhappiness.
Little’s book is not always light reading, but it’s amiable, perceptive and challenges you to consider your own personality – and your life – in a number of different ways.
- Cliente AmazonReviewed in Italy on March 30, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
This book may help anybody who want to know the hidden meaning of their trueself, something that may never be understood before.
- noesunReviewed in France on February 2, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Great way to take a step back
And explore different dimensions of personality. Feels like a good overall model to how we build our selves. Great insights.
- Cliente AmazonReviewed in Brazil on February 2, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars How do we behave?
Simple and direct.