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The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love Paperback – August 15, 2017

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 5,696 ratings

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The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. 

“One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”—Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of 
Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex 

For 20 years 
The Ethical Slut—widely known as the “Poly Bible”—has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include:
 
• Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships)
• Tributes to polyamory pioneers
• Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics
• New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive
 
The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of “more than two”: couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition.
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Popular Highlights in this book

From the Publisher

To be an ethical slut you need to have very good boundaries

The most successful relationships are the ones with enough flexibility to redefine themselves

We measure the ethics of good sluts not by the respect and care they treat those relationships

To be an ethical slut you need to have very good boundaries

Annie Sprinkle says, “One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read.”

Franklin Veaux says, “Shows an appreciation for the vast range of human sexuality.”

Rolling Stone says, “Polyamory has expanded into a practice that is more widely accepted.”

Editorial Reviews

Review

The Ethical Slut is a classic, a book that helped launch the modern non-monogamy movement. Updating a book of such historical significance is no easy task, but The Ethical Slut, Third Edition succeeds beautifully. Where the original broke radical new ground, this edition is more nuanced, a book for a more complex age. In the third edition, we see the wide variety of forms ethical non-monogamy, and indeed human sexual relationships, can take. This new version brings a new focus on consent, talks about the many wonderful and varied ways ethical non-monogamy happens, and shows an appreciation for the vast range of human sexuality. This is The Ethical Slut for a new era, and cements the book’s place as one of the cornerstones of modern non-monogamous thought.”
—Franklin Veaux, More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory

“In the two decades since the first edition of
 The Ethical Slut has been published, polyamory has expanded into a practice that, if not outright mainstream, is at least much more widely accepted and understood. […] The 20th anniversary edition of The Ethical Slut, has been significantly updated and expanded from its humble debut, including sections to poly pioneers, black poly activism and yes, shifting attitudes towards polyamory within a new generation. They acknowledge that millennials reading the book today will not have been raised in the same context that Hardy and Easton were – before the sexual revolution, when saving oneself for marriage was considered the norm.”
Anna Fitzpatrick,Rolling Stone

About the Author

Janet W. Hardy is the author of more than ten books and the founder of Greenery Press, a now defunct publisher specializing in sexually adventurous books. She has an MFA in creative writing from St. Mary's College, and swore off monogamy in 1987.

Dossie Easton is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in alternative sexualities and relationships, with twenty years of experience counseling open relationships. She is the author of four other books, and has been an ethical slut since 1969.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0399579664
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Ten Speed Press; Revised edition (August 15, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780399579660
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0399579660
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.06 x 0.89 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 5,696 ratings

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4.7 out of 5 stars
5,696 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book informative and thought-provoking. They say it provides good advice for relationships, not just romantic ones. Readers praise the writing quality as well-written, authentic, and based on personal experience. The examples are real-life and easy to understand.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

97 customers mention "Readability"94 positive3 negative

Customers find the book's content fantastic and enlightening. They say it would make a great college-level textbook and is a true masterpiece. The sections provide useful reminders and are impactful. Overall, readers consider the book useful and valuable in itself.

""The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a groundbreaking book that has become a classic resource for individuals interested in exploring polyamory,..." Read more

"...about a quarter the way through this book but I must say it is a great book...." Read more

"...A great read even if you are monogamous." Read more

"...Every time I pick up new information. This book is a must read if you are considering non-monogamy, polyamory, or any alternative lifestyle...." Read more

83 customers mention "Educational value"83 positive0 negative

Customers find the book informative and thought-provoking. It provides insights and perspective on different lifestyles that they hadn't considered before. Readers enjoy the explorations and introspection points it leads them through. The book helps them open up and become more relatable to others.

"...Tools: The authors offer practical advice, techniques, and exercises throughout the book, empowering readers to apply the concepts to their own lives..." Read more

"...The authors, Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, are knowledgeable and compassionate guides through the complex world of ENM, which many simply call “..." Read more

"...All in all I think this book is a great guide to help a person open up and become closer to those around them and I hope the negative connotation to..." Read more

"...Great for those new to the lifestyle as well as people having been it for years. A great read even if you are monogamous." Read more

71 customers mention "Knowledge of relationships"71 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful for understanding relationships. It provides good advice and talking points for couples to improve communication and intimacy. The book covers different types of relationships, emotions, and thought-provoking insights into polyamory.

"...Tone: The authors approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the..." Read more

"...Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, are knowledgeable and compassionate guides through the complex world of ENM, which many simply call “open..." Read more

"...It completely removes the shame and judgement that society has placed on anyone who does not believe in the one man and one woman woman for life..." Read more

"...But its CONTENT is so detailed and comprehensive that it would be a great college-level textbook, if any college gave courses in how to achieve and..." Read more

22 customers mention "Writing quality"22 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-written and readable. They appreciate the honest and supportive tone of the writing. The book provides language to describe feelings and ideas that they had never found before. Readers find it informative and an essential text.

"...approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the complexities of non-..." Read more

"...Few authors manage that. It's very readable, even by anyone new and clueless like me, so it's a perfect introduction...." Read more

"...I am loving the authors writing styles (I already read two other books by them that were very informative) and there sense of humor...." Read more

"...on what to do when you feel a certain way, expresses that it's ok to feel like you do, communication is key, and gives great short personal stories..." Read more

8 customers mention "Authenticity"8 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's authenticity. It offers practical advice, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking insights based on real-life experiences. The examples are easy to understand and the book is detailed, practical, and from the heart.

"...Dossie Easton, this comprehensive guide offers practical advice, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking insights that empower readers to create..." Read more

"...They've been there and learned from experience. Personal and practical, this book is from the heart...." Read more

"...it's ok to feel like you do, communication is key, and gives great short personal stories to help understand what they are talking about!..." Read more

"Great information and educational. Examples were real life and easy explanations...." Read more

So informative !
5 out of 5 stars
So informative !
This book is awesome. It really helps. You understand the different dynamics of relationships and I love it. It’s a great book. I recommend it highly.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2023
    "The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a groundbreaking book that has become a classic resource for individuals interested in exploring polyamory, open relationships, and alternative approaches to sex and love. Written by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, this comprehensive guide offers practical advice, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking insights that empower readers to create fulfilling, consensual, and ethical relationships.

    Chapter Overview:

    Redefining Sluttery: The book challenges societal norms and prejudices associated with promiscuity and "slut-shaming," providing a fresh perspective that reframes sexuality as a positive and healthy aspect of human nature.

    Honesty and Communication: The authors stress the importance of honest and open communication as the foundation for ethical non-monogamous relationships. They offer practical tools and strategies for effective communication, negotiation, and establishing boundaries.

    Jealousy and Compersion: Jealousy is a common emotion in non-monogamous relationships. This chapter explores the complexities of jealousy and provides techniques for managing and transforming it into compersion—the joy experienced when witnessing a partner's happiness with someone else.

    Safer Sex: Safety is paramount in any sexual relationship. This chapter discusses the importance of practicing safer sex, negotiating boundaries, and developing strategies to protect oneself and one's partners from sexually transmitted infections.

    Negotiating Non-Monogamy: Hardy and Easton delve into the intricacies of negotiating non-monogamous relationships, including establishing relationship structures, exploring different styles of polyamory, and navigating power dynamics within partnerships.

    Gender, Orientation, and Identity: The authors explore the intersections of gender, sexual orientation, and identity within non-monogamous relationships. They offer guidance on embracing diverse expressions of sexuality and fostering inclusivity in open relationships.

    Exploring Kink and BDSM: This chapter addresses the integration of kink and BDSM practices within polyamory and open relationships. It explores the importance of consent, negotiation, and establishing boundaries when engaging in alternative sexual dynamics.

    Relationship Anarchy and Beyond: The concept of relationship anarchy challenges conventional relationship hierarchies and explores the possibilities of non-traditional, non-hierarchical connections. The authors provide insights and tools for those interested in exploring relationship anarchy.

    Parenting and Family: The book addresses the unique challenges and opportunities for individuals who are polyamorous parents or considering parenthood within a non-monogamous framework. It offers guidance on navigating societal norms, co-parenting, and fostering a supportive family environment.

    Community and Support: The authors emphasize the importance of building a supportive community of like-minded individuals. They provide guidance on finding local and online resources, attending events, and creating chosen families within the polyamorous and open relationship communities.

    Key Strengths:

    Thought-Provoking and Inclusive: "The Ethical Slut" challenges societal norms surrounding sex, love, and relationships while embracing a wide range of identities, orientations, and lifestyles. The book promotes inclusivity, encouraging readers to explore and celebrate their unique desires.

    Practical Advice and Tools: The authors offer practical advice, techniques, and exercises throughout the book, empowering readers to apply the concepts to their own lives. The inclusion of real-life examples and personal anecdotes enhances the book's relatability and usefulness.

    Sex-Positive Approach: The book takes a sex-positive stance, promoting consensual and pleasurable sexual experiences while emphasizing the importance of open communication, boundaries, and safety.

    Cultural Relevance: The third edition of "The Ethical Slut" incorporates updated information, reflecting the evolving landscape of polyamory, open relationships, and alternative sexual practices. It addresses contemporary challenges and considerations, making it relevant to today's readers.

    Empowering and Supportive Tone: The authors approach the subject matter with empathy and compassion, providing reassurance and encouragement to readers as they navigate the complexities of non-monogamous relationships. The book fosters self-acceptance, self-growth, and personal empowerment.

    Conclusion:
    "The Ethical Slut, Third Edition" is a comprehensive and invaluable resource for anyone interested in exploring polyamory, open relationships, or alternative approaches to sex and love. With its practical advice, thought-provoking insights, and inclusive perspective, the book empowers readers to embrace their desires, communicate openly, and build consensual and ethical relationships. Whether you're new to non-monogamy or seeking to deepen your understanding, this book serves as a guide to navigate the complexities and possibilities of polyamory and open relationships.
    30 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2025
    Perfect for all stages of the Lifestyle! Great and useful information
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2024
    must read
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 6, 2024
    A book I couldn’t put down and had it read in a few days. I definitely recommend it for anyone wanting to understand polyamory. Great for those new to the lifestyle as well as people having been it for years. A great read even if you are monogamous.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2024
    Mired in the bewildering and sometimes infuriating hellscape of modern “dating” (if one may use such a quaint word to describe the mostly technologically mediated courtship habits of 21st-century adults), I wondered whether valuing and pursuing—or even hoping for—a monogamous relationship was even a realistic hope anymore. Faced with the apparent choice of seeking a kind of relationship that no longer seems to exist or being alone for the rest of my life, I chose to educate myself about the practice of ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

    The authors, Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton, are knowledgeable and compassionate guides through the complex world of ENM, which many simply call “open relationships.” More precisely, they focus on—and celebrate—ethical sluthood in an organized and accessible way. This third edition of the text discusses just about every aspect of life as a slut that you can imagine as well as plenty that you couldn’t imagine. One of the greatest epiphanies for me was the realization that the idea of monogamy as the only acceptable alternative to spinsterhood (and I use that term in a very gender-neutral way) was yet another of the oppressive binary constructs that attempt to govern every aspect of our lives. Ethical sluthood subverts and queers that binary in a very empowering way.

    Is life as an ethical slut for me? I’m still undecided, but I am definitely better informed now. And should I choose that path, I will have a trustworthy guide to support my journey. Highly recommended.
    12 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2021
    I'm only about a quarter the way through this book but I must say it is a great book. It definitely helps open up a person's mind to the fact that everyone in the world has experienced deep intimacy with people that they would not consider their mate before. It also points out that human behavior is more varied and complex than we normally think of when it comes to relationships.

    This book focuses on the idea that sex is not just the act of sex but is the intermingling of two or more people in a way that current society discourages.

    I can see why some people may dislike this book. The author uses the words and concepts of sex as a way to demonstrate the connection between people that should be explored. I feel like the author does this to desensitize the reader to allow the reader to openly explore the idea of connecting to people on different levels.

    If the concept of sex doesn't offend you beyond reason this book offers a lot of good advice when it comes to overcoming the shame that may come from close relationships.

    If sex is an uncomfortable for you then I would suggest while reading, in your mind, change all the occurances of the word sex to intimacy and you will see the value in this book. It even says in the beginning of the book that the word sex in this book is to describe the physical and emotional interpersonal relationships between people.

    All in all I think this book is a great guide to help a person open up and become closer to those around them and I hope the negative connotation to the terms polyamorous or sex won't stop a person from seeing the true value of the studies done by the doctors who wrote this book and the Kinsey Institute.

    I hope to learn more about the psychology and relationship studies viewed through actual observation studies and not the bias lens of our current christian based system.
    36 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Adina Ross
    5.0 out of 5 stars If you’re curious about the lifestyle this the book for you.
    Reviewed in Canada on April 1, 2024
    I needed to learn more about this lifestyle because I have a friend who prefers this lifestyle. She lives with her partners and I felt it was too invasive to ask too many questions so I turned to this book to better learn her situation and psychology behind that choice. Good read. Very informative.
  • Fernnan
    5.0 out of 5 stars Un libro que todos deberíamos de leer
    Reviewed in Mexico on September 22, 2023
    Un libro que abre nuestra mente a la idea de otro tipo de relaciones o vínculos.
  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Read it. It's a good starters book for polyamoury.
    Reviewed in India on October 24, 2024
    Love polyamoury
  • PK
    5.0 out of 5 stars A lot of people should read this
    Reviewed in Germany on August 15, 2024
    Everyone should make an informed and well contemplated decision about what kind of relationship style they want.
    What kind of perspective they have on other people and their duties is also important
  • Aten
    5.0 out of 5 stars The Ethical Slut
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 28, 2024
    I enjoyed the different views on relationships and the conversations / openness that goes with it.

    I would recommend this book as a must read to all young people before entering a serious relationship.