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How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series) Paperback – Illustrated, January 10, 2017

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 9,750 ratings

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OVER HALF A MILLION COPIES SOLD

A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.”

For nearly forty years, parents have turned to
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to parents of children ages two to seven.

Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents, teachers, and pediatricians. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and observations from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the children in your life.

What do you do with a little kid who…won’t brush her teeth…screams in his car seat…pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables…throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized by common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders.

This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.
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From the Publisher

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk
How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Customer Reviews
4.7 out of 5 stars
318
4.7 out of 5 stars
11,803
Price $13.61 $10.86
More books in the bestselling How to Talk parenting series From tantrums to technology to talking to kids about tough topics, How To Talk When Kids Won’t Listen offers concrete strategies for these and many more difficult situations. The ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child

Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Parent and educator Faber, with educator King, picks up where esteemed mom Adele Faber (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen) left off with this updated "survival guide" for talking to little kids and gaining compliance. Her wisdom is in the same affectionate and funny style of mom: "Enough with all the talk about feelings. It's lovely to know we're enhancing our children's confidence…but we still have to get our kids to do things." Faber zeroes in on the most common (and irritating) things and tactics little ones employ, and provides caregivers with a clear and supportive path to holding their own. From tattling ("snitches and whistleblowers") to runaways ("kids who take off in the parking lot and other public places"), the authors describe exactly what life with little kids is like and make neither excuses nor pedagogical pronouncements; their advice is always supportive, appropriate, and ultimately best for the parking lot escapee in question. VERDICT Parents should not be put off by this volume's length. The "How To Talk" books are treasures to read. All libraries should acquire and recommend with gusto.—Julianne Smith, Ypsilanti District Library, MI

Review

"Yes, the How to Talk tools work for young children! It is never too soon to reflect children's emotions, acknowledge their wishes, and see things from their perspective. Faber and King are like wise, calm friends that arrive just in time to help you through the toughest moments, with no judging or shaming. In fact, they have just as much empathy for parents as they have for children. They understand that punishment and control are dead ends, and they offer a clear path towards cooperation and connection."--Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting

"This helpful gem of a book guides parents and other caregivers to tune in to the internal worlds of young children to allow their minds to be seen and respected. With practical suggestions and useful illustrations, the authors clearly convey these important steps to guiding our children's development. Cultivating such mindsight for our youth is essential to creating a kinder and more resilient next generation."--
Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human and Executive Director, Mindsight Institute

"Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."--John Gottman, author of
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

“Relatable and authentic… [Faber’s and King’s] creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous child-rearing dilemmas.’”--
Publishers Weekly

"Wonderful...reader-friendly [and] a truly indispensable book for parents and for anyone else who interacts with young children.”--
Work and Family Life

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribner; Illustrated edition (January 10, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 432 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 150113163X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1501131639
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1.1 x 8.38 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 9,750 ratings

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4.7 out of 5 stars
9,750 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book provides useful advice and practical suggestions for parents and teachers. They describe it as an easy, approachable read with concepts that are easily understood. The tips help improve communication with children and improve relationships. The strategies work well and translate into results quickly. Readers appreciate the realistic examples and pacing of the book, which reduces stress and upset. Overall, they find the book entertaining and helpful.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

296 customers mention "Advice level"292 positive4 negative

Customers find the book helpful for parents and teachers. It provides practical suggestions and insights that help grow parents and educate children. The advice is actionable and relatable for new moms.

"...doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain...." Read more

"...I learned to lead with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent...." Read more

"...I would highly recommend this book. Especially for parents with a strong willed child (like my 5 year old daughter). It’s worth the buy!!" Read more

"...It is a discipline that will grow parents and educate children. Remedial punishment should be a last resort, and hopefully one that can be avoided...." Read more

121 customers mention "Readability"111 positive10 negative

Customers find the book's writing approachable and straightforward. They appreciate the practical tips and examples that make reading more enjoyable. The advice is simple to follow, with clear explanations and relatable stories.

"...How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that..." Read more

"...by little quotes, different fonts or even comics, it makes my reading so much more enjoyable. I started reading it shortly after I received it...." Read more

"...And it was written by having focus groups that reported their successes and failures over a long period of time...." Read more

"...familiar but the authors do a great job of using examples and being very clear...." Read more

69 customers mention "Communication skills"65 positive4 negative

Customers find the book helpful for communicating better with their children. They say it improves their relationship and makes them feel more understood. The suggestions to tell kids their feelings when redirecting a dangerous or challenging behavior are appreciated. Readers mention the examples and conversations are for younger children that foster positive relationships and behaviors.

"...It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience...." Read more

"...with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent...." Read more

"...The way the author has worded things and given examples on what parents might say or kids might say really helps me absorb the information!..." Read more

"...There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the..." Read more

38 customers mention "Functionality"31 positive7 negative

Customers find the strategies in the book effective and enjoyable. They say the techniques work well with their children and even adults.

"The suggestions at least most of them are working for my two-year-old!" Read more

"Works well for what its intended to do." Read more

"...And not only that, she actually did it!! Son of a... this stuff actually works??? I couldn’t believe it. And that’s just two chapters in...." Read more

"...one day I tried something directly from the book and it worked like a charm...." Read more

26 customers mention "Pacing"25 positive1 negative

Customers find the book helpful in reducing confrontations and upsets. They say it helps calm things down and normalize struggles.

"...I learned to lead with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent...." Read more

"...Even better, I stayed calmer and more relaxed, which definitely helped the kids to do the same. I highly recommend this book...." Read more

"...Employing these techniques has really helped to calm the littles, helps them feel loved and respected...." Read more

"...It's changed how we respond to our son, and he is much more relaxed and happier. I know it's because he's being understood and listened to...." Read more

18 customers mention "Story quality"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's stories realistic and helpful. They appreciate the practical advice and narratives from parents in the workshops. Readers enjoy reading the stories again and again, finding them honest and entertaining.

"...They include narratives from parents in their workshops that say exactly what you're thinking as you read the advice...." Read more

"...Other days not as great. I like the writing style. I like the realism. I like the strategies." Read more

"Liked the book is full of real stories and so many types of situations. I wish I had this book 33 years ago. Will..." Read more

"...Real, practical uses and information on respectful/gentle parenting." Read more

11 customers mention "Entertainment value"11 positive0 negative

Customers find the book entertaining and easy to read. It makes parenting fun and keeps them interested.

"...The advice in this book transformed everything - it made it fun to be a parent! No more hitting and throwing...." Read more

"...The authors write in a light tone which also keeps you interested!..." Read more

"...It is easy to read and extremely entertaining!! I have been laughing the WHOLE time! I wish I could afford to buy this for all of the moms I know...." Read more

"...to your child, make you feel more successful as a parent, and make parenting more fun! All positives...." Read more

11 customers mention "Humor"11 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's humor. They appreciate the humor mixed with serious advice on talking to preschoolers. The book is considered entertaining and honest.

"...This book is so funny which is a huge plus. I highly recommend! I couldn’t even wait to finish the book to write this review...." Read more

"...I've been reading it and it makes me laugh, squirm, and nod my head...." Read more

"...rather than the child, sharing power, giving I messages, and of course humor...." Read more

"Great well written book with a much needed sense of humor. I loughed out loud reading it...." Read more

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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2017
    Ok, so I’ve been wanting to write a review for this book since I received it – when it first came out – but I can’t find it in my house. I think that my child took it and is reading it so that he can learn all our tricks. Haha. My child doesn’t actually read yet but I am lucky I did before it went missing because it has done no less than change my relationship with him.

    How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown.

    For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can’t reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices:
    1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum.
    Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going.

    Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I’ve actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child’s response still amazes me every time!

    It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn’t magic, and sometimes even the best skills don’t produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn’t all smiles.
    789 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2024
    This book has changed my relationship with my children and my partner. I learned to lead with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent. My relationship with my kids is suddenly playful and loving where before it was tense and frustrating. My partner is on board too (though he didn't read the book himself) and it's so much fun to watch him connect so seemingly effortlessly with our kids, and them adoring him. And the best part -- the kids have learned some phrases and tactics from us, and are being nicer to each other!
    16 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2024
    When I first received this book, I did a quick flip to a random page. I saw a short comic about “Tools for Resolving Conflict”. I enjoy reading but when the books are broken up by little quotes, different fonts or even comics, it makes my reading so much more enjoyable. I started reading it shortly after I received it. Like I said in my title, I’m on page 10 and I’m hooked! The way the author has worded things and given examples on what parents might say or kids might say really helps me absorb the information! I would highly recommend this book. Especially for parents with a strong willed child (like my 5 year old daughter). It’s worth the buy!!
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2024
    So my first impression of this book was negative. But upon further reflection I do see the value in this, especially with younger children or delayed children who have trouble navigating conflict. I like how this book helps us to teach and model problem solving in lieu of the knee jerk reaction of remedial punishment. It is a discipline that will grow parents and educate children. Remedial punishment should be a last resort, and hopefully one that can be avoided. Problem solving is a valuable life skill, and I know that when I see other parents use 'clever' ways to help their child work their way through conflict, I look on with admiration. There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the future. All good things!
    13 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2019
    This is probably one of the best books I’ve read about parenting yet. It has renewed my faith in good parenting material. I read it again every time I feel myself slip into the old way of reacting and overreacting to bad behavior.

    The other day my daughter had the worst tantrum I’ve seen yet. She was shouting into the neighborhood with the door open at one point. I didn’t react with my best form, and she only escalated. What my grandpappy and grandmappy may tell as advice was not working. So I reread the book, used some tools from the toolbox. And they are working (again) to develop a relationship with my kids. And that is part of the importance of this book. We are developing trust with our kids, no matter how strong a personality they have. (I have one with and one without a strong personality.) She is currently doing well with us but I have a feeling I will need to reread this book several times and even purchase the other versions for older kids and adolescents as well.

    I don’t want that to seem like I worship this book or anything. Not everything works. But it is a huge box of potential tools that MAY work. To be given the reason why kids do what they do makes this book is amazing. And it was written by having focus groups that reported their successes and failures over a long period of time. So it’s basically been crowdsourced before that was a buzzword. Which means it’s not just one idea, it’s multiple stories of what works and what doesn’t. And it’s been well organized in its presentation so that learners like me can reference back so much better. The stories come from parents who want good relationships with the most important people in their lives—their kids.
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 23, 2024
    This book has so many practical suggestions!

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Lyndsey Clark
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
    Reviewed in Canada on November 9, 2023
    I like the way it's written. Not a lot of pointless mumbo jumbo, just gets straight to the point and gives many examples, scenarios and tips on how to handle different situations, especially if you have an emotional child. Worth a read.
  • Violeta
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente livro de educação
    Reviewed in Spain on August 7, 2024
    Livro muito útil, muito prático, que ajuda efectivamente a lidar com crianças pequenas no dia a dia.
  • Shathish Kumar
    5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing book!
    Reviewed in India on July 10, 2024
    This book is life changing! Not only it gives you valuable tools to mitigate daily parenting needs, but your can also apply these techniques to adults too. As an introvert I always struggled to speak with people, but this book has given me some useful tools which are really life changing for me. I thank the authors for writing such a wonderful book. I'm planning to buy the rest of the books in the "How to talk" series.
  • Davorin
    5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
    Reviewed in Germany on March 27, 2024
    Easy to read, helpful advice.
  • Paraghat
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good
    Reviewed in the United Arab Emirates on August 3, 2022
    Not very boring to read, easy to understand. I bought it after I saw some recommendations from people work on early education.