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No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Updated) Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 15,078 ratings

“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models.

“I have read every self-help book out there, but this was the first that put everything together in a way that made perfect sense to me.”

“Every page of my copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy is highlighted in yellow. How did you know me so well?

A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Robert Glover, a pioneering expert on the Nice Guy Syndrome, is a man who believes he is not okay just as he is. He is convinced that he must become what he thinks others want him to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.

The Nice Guy Syndrome typically begins in infancy and childhood when a young boy inaccurately internalizes emotional messages about himself and the world. It is fueled by toxic shame and anxiety. Rapid social change in the late 20th century and early 21st century has contributed to a worldwide explosion of men struggling to find happiness, love, and purpose.

The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts. Nice Guys believe:

  • If I am good, then I will be liked and loved.
  • If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  • If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.

The inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to often feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, dishonesty, caretaking, fixing, codependency, people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, unsatisfying relationships, issues with sexuality, and compulsive masturbation and pornography use.

Since the publication of No More Mr. Nice Guy in 2003, hundreds of thousands of men worldwide have learned how to release toxic shame, soothe their anxiety, face their fears, connect with men, embrace their passion and purpose, and experience success in work and career. These men have also learned to set boundaries, handle conflict, make their needs a priority, develop satisfying relationships, and experience great sex.

This process of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome allows men to move through:

  • Depression
  • Social anxiety and shyness
  • Codependency
  • Low self-esteem
  • Loneliness and hopelessness
  • Feelings of failure
  • Lack of confidence and purpose
  • Compulsive behaviors and addictions
  • Feeling stuck in life

Contrary to what the title might seem to imply, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not teach men how to be not nice. Dr. Glover shows men how to become what he calls Integrated Males. Becoming integrated does not mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of oneself. An integrated male can embrace everything that makes him unique - his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his fears, his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side.

If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how.

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Product details

Listening Length 6 hours and 49 minutes
Author Dr Robert Glover
Narrator Dr Robert Glover
Whispersync for Voice Ready
Audible.com Release Date December 21, 2017
Publisher Recorded Books
Program Type Audiobook
Version Unabridged
Language English
ASIN B078927ZYL
Best Sellers Rank #445 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals)
#15 in Relationships (Audible Books & Originals)
#34 in Parenting & Relationships (Books)

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
15,078 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book easy to read and interesting. It provides them with insights and exercises that help them develop a positive mindset and live up to their potential. The book helps readers express their needs effectively and boost their confidence. They describe the solutions as practical and effective, providing a solid foundation for breaking free from the nice guy syndrome. However, some customers feel the book is repetitive, with too many similar ideas being repeated.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

788 customers mention "Readability"713 positive75 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and engaging. They appreciate the clear content and practical application of principles. The author explains concepts thoroughly and provides helpful exercises. Overall, readers praise the book for helping nice people find their true selves and live up to their potential.

"I am married to a Mr. Nice Guy. He’s an amazing man with an incredible heart but he suffers daily in trying to please everyone...." Read more

"...Except for Chapter 8 I loved this book. He explains himself fully and shows tons of great exercises on how to achieve the life you want with your..." Read more

"No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in..." Read more

"...if you’re a woman looking to build a deeper, more engaging relationship with your husband or boyfriend, I highly recommend it too!" Read more

688 customers mention "Insight"666 positive22 negative

Customers find the book helpful and insightful. They say it opens their minds and helps them follow their dreams. The author provides exercises and suggestions to help reclaim personal power and set boundaries. While some readers feel the book promises a lot, others say it's about living their best life.

"...This book clearly identifies his behaviors, and some of mine, that have contributed to the turmoil we have gone through...." Read more

"...It teaches you how to respect yourself more and be more in tune with your conscience. This book is eye opening truly...." Read more

"...He explains himself fully and shows tons of great exercises on how to achieve the life you want with your partner...." Read more

"...otherwise blinded to, in a way that was both digestible and lead to actionable steps...." Read more

50 customers mention "Confidence"46 positive4 negative

Customers find the book helpful for boosting their confidence and being true to themselves. They say it gives them the courage to follow their own path and be their own leader. The book also provides guidelines for overcoming fear and insecurity.

"...However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men..." Read more

"...Self acceptance, not being ashamed to express my wants and needs. Healthy assertiveness Must read for young men" Read more

"...This book will give you the conviction to follow yourself and be your own leader...." Read more

"...Stand up for yourself 2. Be direct with women 3. Express your feelings 3. Ask for what you want 4...." Read more

35 customers mention "Effectiveness"32 positive3 negative

Customers find the book practical and effective. They say it helps them live up to their potential, the solutions work, and the readers follow the plan at least somewhat. The book is right on target and well-written, though some find it works better for others than for them.

"...The book helps nice guys find their real selves and live up to their potential. Kindness is good...." Read more

"...On the one hand, it does a decent, surface-level overview of what produces modern "soft" men..." Read more

"...It is that powerful. My life as a 50 year old man is so out of control and miserable as a result of being a "Mr...." Read more

"Excellent,well, written and so on point...." Read more

31 customers mention "Personality"31 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful in understanding nice guy syndrome and breaking free of it. They appreciate the explanations and examples of typical nice guy behavior. The book helps readers understand how to become better people and stay true to themselves.

"...It's okay to be selfish, and actually it's a good thing for society when you channel it into improving yourself and using your time for productive..." Read more

"...Kindness is good. But being nice and letting ourselves be run over or hiding our inner secrets and shame is not...." Read more

"...The basic tenet of this book is benevolent selfishness. Take control of of the only thing that you can really control, you. Stand up for you...." Read more

"...This book gives somewhat of a deep dive into nice guy syndrome and allows the reader to do a self autopsy...." Read more

25 customers mention "Strength"25 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's concept solid and provide hope for rebuilding one's life. It teaches compassion and how to walk away from intolerable situations. The book is described as tough medicine, with a rock-solid philosophy that can be challenging to implement in real life.

"...Boring, safe, non confrontational...." Read more

"...just beginning my journey but it feels good having such a solid base to work from." Read more

"...; like strength, discipline, courage, passion, persistence and integrity, pp. 93-94...." Read more

"...This is a painfully honest book and the author does not hold back any punches...." Read more

54 customers mention "Pacing"20 positive34 negative

Customers find the book helpful for effectively communicating and setting healthy boundaries. It changes their perspective on setting boundaries and provides a logic-based explanation. However, others feel it makes them depressed and angry due to trivializing deep psychological issues. They also mention that the book gets a bit clinical at times and seems silly at times.

"...Chapter 8 is a complete joke. Dude spends the whole book talking about not repressing your feelings, saying what you want and not hiding who you are...." Read more

"...The author teaches about unmasculine habits, boundaries, and how to better yourself by creating a new found habits...." Read more

"No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in..." Read more

"...My biggest gripes with this book are its gross trivializations of the deep psychological issues that cause the author's invented "Nice Guy Syndrome."..." Read more

31 customers mention "Repetition"9 positive22 negative

Customers find the book repetitive and boring. They find the content lacking and uninteresting, with examples that are unrelatable. The book is described as depressing and not suitable for average readers.

"...Neglectful, irresponsible fathers carry just as much weight in this equation...." Read more

"...trouble, this is a VERY shallow book and it is so mind-numbingly repetitive I absolutely couldn't stand it." Read more

"...Boring, safe, non confrontational...." Read more

"This ok is not for the average reader. It is most likely to be for people who are looking for an answer through introspection...." Read more

BECOME THE ALPHA MALE. This book is the path to true masculinity
5 out of 5 stars
BECOME THE ALPHA MALE. This book is the path to true masculinity
SoWhat I liked-COMPREHENSIVE PLAN.In this book, Dr. Glover gives a very detailed and thorough plan for recovering and kicking the "nice guy syndrome". This plan will 100% work if you execute it.-CUTTING TRUTHmany sentences and descriptions in the book left me openmouthed, swearing under my breath, and even in tears once. This book can see right into the soul of the Nice Guy. The Truth about the way I lived life was a hard pill to swallow but one of the best things I have ever done-CONCRETE EXERCISESthe Book includes some 50 step by step exercises designed to make you happier, more attractive, stop seeking approval, and enjoy life-CURED ME OF THE NICE GUY SYNDROMEThe Nice guy syndrome caused some major issues for me mentally when I was younger. To be able to break free of old patterns and create the future as something new Is a something that will stick with me for a long time.What I didn't like-EXCESSIVE NICE GUY MENTIONINGthis book mentions the opposite of the nice guy the Integrated Male only ONCE. I really wished that the contrasted the two figures against each other to see how they handled different situations.Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy is a book for almost every man in this day and age. If you are intruiged by the concept, buy the book. It is something you will not regret.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on July 30, 2024
    I’m a 25 Y/O Male.

    For me, this book is a direct call out to terrible habits manifested in childhood or even adulthood. The author teaches about unmasculine habits, boundaries, and how to better yourself by creating a new found habits.

    This includes talking to other individuals and holding strong to what you feel is wrong or right in situations, with your spouse, with people, or even the world.

    It teaches you how to respect yourself more and be more in tune with your conscience.

    This book is eye opening truly. I practiced some techniques after learning how shitty I walk into relationships, conversations, and even life in general. Boring, safe, non confrontational.
    It’s already making me feel more happy like a weight of my shoulders to be more aware of some of these things.

    10/10 book. Buy this and read the whole things. It is absolutely vital if you want to be a healthy individual.
    17 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2024
    I am married to a Mr. Nice Guy. He’s an amazing man with an incredible heart but he suffers daily in trying to please everyone. His abandoning himself to say and be what everyone else wants and needs from him has caused our relationship great harm and stress. This book clearly identifies his behaviors, and some of mine, that have contributed to the turmoil we have gone through. We are each now embarking on the road to recovery. Thank you, Dr. Glover.
    8 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2013
    I have liked this book more than others I have read on the subject of being who you are, being up front and straightforward with the world, and getting what you want out of it. That's what this book is about, getting what you want by being honest and upfront about it. It is about changing your life for the better through being honest and not repressing your feelings. I have said the same phrase several different ways now to draw emphasis on what this book is about, so I can talk about the complete failure of Chapter 8 "Getting the sex you want".

    Chapter 8 is a complete joke. Dude spends the whole book talking about not repressing your feelings, saying what you want and not hiding who you are. Then we get to Chapter 8 which talks about sex. Instead of spending time talking about being honest with your partner about the type of sex you want, he spends the whole chapter on telling you why you are broken, and why you should repress all your wants and needs in bed, stop trying to have sex with your wife/girlfriend for six months, then when you finally start having sex again you will magically be cured of all your sexual addictions. He also says not to role play or watch porn. Now with that said, he spent zero time proving this theory. I was so disappointed.

    I was hoping Chapter 8 would follow the rest of the book, fun exercises for you and your partner to do that bring both of you together. I tried many of the exercises in this book and they worked. But as soon as we got to Chapter 8: "Getting the sex you want" we started having problems. One of the first exercises discussed was to not try to please your girl in bed. My girl loves it when I dedicate time to pleasing her, we take turns, I please her for 20-30 minutes, then she pleases me until I cum. She loves this rotation, because I like the kind of sex that she has not been able to get off on, but I present her with the sex aimed at pleasing her first, and she loves it. All throughout the chapter he just piles one bad tip after another.

    Except for Chapter 8 I loved this book. He explains himself fully and shows tons of great exercises on how to achieve the life you want with your partner. I think his problem is that he started his journey while with a woman he was never willing to leave, so instead of exploring his sexuality with his wife, he decided to label himself as broken, then dedicated an entire chapter telling everyone else how to fix themselves. Wish he would re-write the book without that chapter. Everything else is wonderful though.
    22 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2007
    No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. The author points out that you are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. By boosting a man's confidence and ensuring the man's needs are met, women are naturally more attractive to these men. The greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.

    The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.

    Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.

    Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.

    Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.

    During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.

    There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.
    821 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2025
    This book opened my eyes to the elements of myself I felt otherwise blinded to, in a way that was both digestible and lead to actionable steps.

    I'm still just beginning my journey but it feels good having such a solid base to work from.

Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English
  • Carlos Ortega
    5.0 out of 5 stars Buenisimo - supero mis expectativas
    Reviewed in Mexico on August 1, 2023
    FUERTE recomendacion - no se dejen llevar por impresiones apresuradas debido al entorno del internet-
    es tan positivo y simple como creo que pueda llegar a ser un libro sobre este tema - es como muy "puro" - solo es un breve panfleto sobre aceptarse a uno mismo - pero abordando este tema desde muchos lados y de manera que ves que realmente no entiendes el concepto de la aceptacion.

    Mi concepto de la aceptacion cambio para siempre

    Es un libro que no tiene "consejos" ni te dice que necesitas ser millonario y tiranico y buscar el estatus o un titulo o un oscar o una relacion para ser feliz y valer - el libro te muestra por que el enfoque en esas cosas es errado - te enseña muy convincentemente por que la falta de aceptacion de uno mismo es el unico verdadero problema - y que superar ese obstaculo es muy facil - esto es lo que hara que puedas triunfar en todo lo demas.

    No hay en el libro una agenda machista ni le interesa hablar del feminismo ni de cosas politicas - es muy enfocado en lo que te esta pasando a ti como persona y eso me sorprendio y me parecio bello y refrescante - no hay ninguna incitacion a la agresividad ni a ninguna tendencia politica - tiene un concepto de la masculinidad que es tan positivo como se puede llegar a ser

    no me aburri en ningun momento es una lectura que se me paso rapido y esta escrito de manera que es muy entretenido con anecdotas y ejemplos - breve pero MUY sustancioso.

    La edicion del libro -impecable y sin ninguna falta de ortografia - me encanta la portada
  • Alex Cardoso
    5.0 out of 5 stars Mudou minha vida!
    Reviewed in Brazil on February 25, 2023
    Esse livro é essencial. Nunca imaginei que um livro poderia me descrever tão bem, me apontando características que nem eu havia percebido que possuía, e me mostraria o quanto elas atravancam a minha vida. Graças a esse livro minha vida mudou para melhor!
  • Alexander Eichler
    5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing
    Reviewed in Germany on February 14, 2025
    Wow, was für ein Fundus an Erfahrung und praktischer Hilfe.
    Vor allem, um selbst zu sehen, reflektieren, entscheiden, verändern.
    Und zwar sich selbst statt andere oder den Partner. Dann folgen gute Dinge unweigerlich.
  • gary
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must read.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 21, 2024
    Fascinating book that resonated with my own past. I found the advice useful and the information has helped me to change my ways. Reading it twice helps you spot inappropriate life lessons. The nice guy behaviour is more common than you think. The book is a good read as well.
  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must !
    Reviewed in France on July 21, 2024
    It's one of those books that will follow me for the rest of my life ; I felt understood and most importantly not judged.
    Lots of great insights and practical exercises to boot !

    Again, a must read. Not just once but again and again !