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How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies Paperback – July 18, 1991

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 786 ratings

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An inspiring guide to help you through the mourning process, including a comprehensive resource listing and a chapter on finding professional help and support groups.

“The most comprehensive, insightful, and helpful volume on loss and survival.”—Rabbi Dr. Earl A. Grollman, author of Living When a Loved One Has Died

Mourning the death of a loved one is a process all of us will go through at one time or another. But wherever the death is sudden or anticipated, few of us are prepared for it or for the grief it brings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each person's response to loss will be different. Now, in this compassionate, comprehensive guide (previously published as 
Grieving), Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., bereavement specialist and author of Loss and Anticipatory Grief, leads you gently through the painful but necessary process of grieving and helps you find the best way for yourself.

Whether the death was sudden or expected, from accident, illness, suicide, homicide, or natural causes, Dr. Rando will help you learn to:

• Understand and resolve your grief.
• Talk to children about death.
• Resolve unfinished business.
• Take care of yourself.
• Accept the help and support of others.
• Get through holidays and other difficult times of the year.
• Plan funerals and personal bereavement rituals.

There is no way around the pain of loss, but there is a way through it. Dr. Rando offers the solace, comfort, and guidance to help you accept your loss and move into your new life without forgetting your treasured past.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Dr. Rando's book should help anyone who  has survived the pain of this kind of loss and is  trying to adjust to a new world without his loved  one."--Art Linkletter

From the Publisher

"Mourning the death of a loved one is a process all of us will go through at one time or another. But wherever the death is sudden or anticipated, few of us are prepared for it or for the grief it brings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each person's response to loss will be different. Now, in this compassionate, comprehensive guide, Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., bereavement specialist and author of Loss And Anticipatory Grief, leads you gently through the painful but necessary process of grieving and helps you find the best way for yourself.

Whether the death was sudden of expected, from accident, illness, suicide, homicide, or natural causes, Dr. Rando will help you learn to:

Understand and resolve your grief.

Talk to children about death.

Resolve unfinished business.

Take care of yourself.

Accept the help and support of others.

Get through holidays and other difficult times of the year.

Plan funerals and personal bereavement rituals.

How To Go On Living With Someone You Love Dies also includes a comprehensive resource listing and a chapter on finding professional help and support groups.

There is no way around the pain of loss, but there is a way through it. Dr. Rando offers the solace, comfort, and guidance to help you accept your loss and move into your new life without forgetting your treasured past.

"Dr. Rando's book should help anyone ho has survived the pain of this kind of loss and is trying to adjust to a new world without his loved one."--Art Linkletter

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Bantam; Reprint edition (July 18, 1991)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 338 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0553352695
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0553352696
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.11 x 0.71 x 8.18 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 786 ratings

About the author

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Therese A. Rando
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Background and Experience

Dr. Rando is an award-winning clinical psychologist, traumatologist, and thanatologist in Rhode Island, USA. She is the Clinical Director of The Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss, which provides mental health services through psychotherapy, training/education, supervision, and consultation, and specializes in: loss and grief; traumatic stress; and the psychosocial care of persons with physical injury, serious acute medical conditions, or with chronic, life-threatening, or terminal illness, and their loved ones. Dr. Rando has consulted, conducted research, provided therapy, written, and lectured internationally in areas related to loss, grief, illness, injury, dying, death, bereavement, disaster, and trauma. She also has provided expert witness testimony in legal proceedings involving illness, injury, or death.

Dr. Rando also is the Clinical Director of Therese A. Rando Associates, Ltd. This is a multi-disciplinary team of experienced and licensed professionals, which provides outpatient mental health services to adults, adolescents, and children around a wide variety of psychological, behavioral, social, and physical issues and adjustment concerns.

Current professional foci include treatment of complicated mourning; loss of a child; the interface between posttraumatic stress and grief; anticipatory mourning; specialized intervention techniques in the treatment of traumatic bereavement; the integration of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) into intervention with grief and mourning; self-help after traumatic loss; and stress reactions of first responders.

Dr. Rando holds a doctoral degree in Psychology from the University of Rhode Island and has received advanced training in psychotherapy and in medical consultation-liaison psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University Medical School and University Hospitals of Cleveland. A former consultant to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Hospice Education Program for Nurses, she developed its program for training hospice nurses to cope with loss, grief, and terminal illness. Her current research interests focus on the course of mourning after traumatic loss; construction of a self-help program for coping with the sudden death of a loved one; development of an integrated group intervention for traumatic loss survivors; and evaluation of an intervention program for traumatized first responders after critical incidents.

Since 2016, Dr. Rando has been the Clinical Director of The Traumatic Loss Seminar, an intensive four-day intervention for first responders coping with personal traumatic loss. It addresses their traumatic bereavement through the use of trained peer support; large and small group work; education about trauma, loss, coping, meaning making, self-medication issues, and family relationships; therapeutic ritual; medical massage; and personal one-on-one consultation with licensed mental health therapists familiar with law enforcement and public safety issues, posttraumatic stress, and the trauma recovery method of EMDR.

Publications

Dr. Rando has over 80 written works pertaining to the clinical aspects of thanatology. She is the author of Treatment of Complicated Mourning; How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies (chosen all-time "Best Book About Dealing With Grief After a Death" by New York Magazine); and Grief, Dying, and Death: Clinical Interventions for Caregivers; and is a co-author of Treating Traumatic Bereavement: A Practitioner's Guide (Winner, Second Place, of The American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year Award, Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing Category). She is the editor of Clinical Dimensions of Anticipatory Mourning: Theory and Practice in Working with the Dying, Their Loved Ones, and Their Caregivers; Loss and Anticipatory Grief; and Parental Loss of a Child. She has been the Co-Editor of the Trauma and Loss Book Series for Brunner-Routledge Publishers. Currently, she is completing a book for the general public on coping with sudden, traumatic death, Coping With the Sudden Death of Your Loved One: A Self-Help Handbook for Traumatic Bereavement. Dr. Rando has also served for decades on the Editorial Boards of Death Studies and Omega.

National Media Resource Expert

Dr. Rando is a national media resource expert in loss, grief, illness, injury, dying, death, bereavement, disaster, and trauma for the American Psychological Association. She offers education to the public and consultation to members of the news and entertainment media on television and radio, in print, and online. Among her many media presentations, she has appeared on numerous television programs (e.g., "Dateline," CBS "This Morning," "Today Show," "Good Morning, America," and "The Oprah Winfrey Show") and has been interviewed on a variety of radio outlets (e.g., National Public Radio, "Voice of America" Radio, and Sirius Satellite Radio). Dr. Rando frequently provides commentary in the print media (e.g., The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, USA Today, Newsweek, and U.S. News and World Report), and online.

Recognitions/Awards

Among the many recognitions for her accomplishments in the field of thanatology, Dr. Rando was the recipient of the Association for Death Education and Counseling's award for "Outstanding Contribution to the Study of Death, Dying, and Bereavement" and a recipient of its "Clinical Practice Award." She is also a grantee of its Lifetime Certification as "Certified Death Educator" and was awarded its designation of "Certified in Thanatology." She has received the Heart of Texas Hospice Foundation Award for "Distinguished Professional Contribution in the Field of Thanatology and Hospice-Related Studies" and was presented the Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Network on Personal Meaning "In Recognition of Her Outstanding Contribution to Thanatology and Grief Counseling." She was given "The Influential Leader Award in Grief and Loss Education and Practice" by The American Academy of Bereavement. Her book, How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, was chosen all-time "Best Book About Dealing With Grief After a Death" by New York Magazine. Her co-authored book, Treating Traumatic Bereavement: A Practitioner's Guide was the Winner, Second Place, of The American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year Award, Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing Category. In the area of traumatology, Dr. Rando was among the initial group of international experts elected to membership in the Green Cross Foundation Academy of Traumatology. She is a member of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, becoming a Diplomate of that association and achieving designations of Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress and Board Certification in Bereavement Trauma.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
786 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2021
This book by Rando will help you if you are facing the death of a loved one. The book is divided into five parts. These parts are : (1) Learning about grief; (2) Grieving different forms of death; (3) Grieving and your family; (4) Resolving your grief; and (5) Getting additional help. The author ascertains that your response to the death of loved one will be influenced by a number of factors such as characteristics and meaning of the lost relationship, your personal characteristics like coping behaviors, personality, and mental health as well as specific circumstances of the death. Further, your grief will take longer than most people think. Your grief will show itself in all spheres of life; psychological, social, and physical. You will grieve for many things both symbolic and tangible, not just the death alone. You will have some identity confusion as a result of this major loss. You may experience a combination of anger, and depression. You may feel that you have lost parts of yourself. According to Rando, death of a child is one of the very most difficult to cope with. Parents may feel survivor’s guilt, their child they loved has died and they continue to live. Death of a child is an out of order death. It increases the losses to self usually felt after the death of anyone close. With the death of your child, you lose a very special love source- someone who needs, depends upon, admires, and appreciates you in a unique and gratifying way. This might lower your self-esteem. Child’s death puts an end to parent-child bond, the most intense bond in this world. This separation pain can be extremely severe. Rando recommends that you work on resolving your grief. The aurhor makes a number of suggestions such as give yourself permission to feel your loss, feel the sadness, sorrow, and other feelings, give them some form of expression, accept social support, and find ways to make this death meaningful to you. Further, death has separated you from your loved one, it has not ended your relationship. Now you need to work on a renewed sense of purpose in your life. You will always have this pain, this scar on your psyche, but you can move forward. You can invest your emotional energies on other people, goals, pursuits, taking your loved one with you along with your new sense of self and new way of relating to the world.
Truly, a useful resource. I recommend it to you.
26 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 13, 2023
This book came highly recommended from my sister-in-law after my husband of 35 years passed. Being a private person and newly widowed, I found this book very informative and addressing many emotions and thoughts for many different situations. Every person’s journey is unique due to our own uniqueness. The author points out how the intensity may vary depending on the situation of death (sudden or long term), our relationship with the person (child, spouse, parent, sibling, friend), our terms at time of death (was there fighting), etc. I read a little at a time when I felt I needed to do something. Glad that I didn’t just read it cover to cover in one setting. For me, it helped with moments of reflection. I gave my copy away but have since purchased it for 2 others and another for myself to re-read now that it’s been a year. Very well written. I hope it helps you along your own journey.
5 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2017
This book has helped me tremendously after the death of my father and my best friend (within 6 months of one another). When you lose someone so important to you, you don't always react in ways that make sense, and if you're surrounded by people who haven't lost anyone close to them, it feels incredibly lonely. Friends can make you feel like crap without meaning to simply because they have no idea what is happening inside of you. One friend said "Oh, you're still upset about that?" when I said something about not being ready for some event 3 months after my best friend died. I had one person compare the death of her cat to the death of my dad, as if it were the same thing. I've lost a cat before, and that hurt really bad- lots of tears, but I cannot tell you how much worse losing someone who gave you their lifeblood hurts. It is incomparable. The fact no one around understood what it was like made me feel incredibly alone and bitter, so I withdrew from my circle of friends, thinking there must be something wrong with me. This book really helped me feel less alone. It explained how grief differs for everyone, ways to recognize a grief reaction versus a normal reaction, and gave examples of situations. It also helped me feel more sympathetic towards my friends and people around me who hadn't experienced that kind of loss. It provides a larger perspective that is often difficult to maintain during moments of heavy grieving. I highly recommend this book.
31 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

MC
2.0 out of 5 stars Used copy, or was it just very very old?
Reviewed in India on January 2, 2023
The copy looked like it was a used one. The pages had browned and even the cover was beige where it’s supposed to be bright white. Very disappointing. Returned it for a refund.
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read if you have lost a loved one
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 8, 2020
Having gone through a sudden bereavement this book is superb I would definitely recommend this book as a must read to help through the grieving process. I have since recommended to several colleagues
2 people found this helpful
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JLS
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy this book for yourself & those you love. Rando's words will give comfort like no other book can.
Reviewed in Canada on January 1, 2013
Get them this book!

When you lose a loved one & grieving their loss, nothing will offer you comfort like this book. When you know of someone who are enduring the pain of losing a loved one. Do not buy them flowers. Do not bake them a casserole. Get them this book! It is the most thorough book on the subject of grief. Author Therese A. Rando covers every type of loss. Sudden vs anticipated. Accident vs illness. Suicide, homicide. Loss of a spouse, child, parent, sibling, peer......She covers all types of loss, and every step of grief and living a new life without the one you loss. Even if that someone loss their loved one - months ago, years ago. Get them this book. "Times does not heal all wounds. Insight does." And this book is the Insight. Get them this book! Get them this book!
One person found this helpful
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STEVYRINO
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I needed when my wife died.
Reviewed in Canada on February 23, 2014
This may be an older book but it is well written and covers many of the aspects of the grief journey and grief management. Helps you realize that you are not going crazy or that there is nothing wrong with you when you tear-up randomly months after your special person has died. Recommending this book because it is down-to-earth and pragmatic. It is not "New-Agey" like recent books. This book deals with grief related to many types of losses; losing a spouse, parent losing a child, child losing a parent, sibling loss, etc. The losses are many, and not just the person who has left us behind. Also deals with losses due to different types of death; anticipated death or unexpected death. Highly recommended reading whether death was recent or in the distant past.
4 people found this helpful
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Val
5.0 out of 5 stars inspirational read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 2013
Very good book. Helped me with my recent grief. Would recommend to anyone whose going through that difficult time when they have lost a loved one.
One person found this helpful
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