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Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle Paperback – January 7, 2020
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“A primer on how to stop letting the world dictate how you live and what we think of ourselves, Burnout is essential reading [and] . . . excels in its intersectionality.”—Bustle
This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men—and provides a roadmap to minimizing stress, managing emotions, and living more joyfully.
Burnout. You, like most American women, have probably experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to exist as a woman in today’s world are two different things—and we exhaust ourselves trying to close the gap. Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the all-too-familiar cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. They compassionately explain the obstacles and societal pressures we face—and how we can fight back.
You’ll learn
• what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle
• how to manage the “monitor” in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration
• how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies—and how to defend yourself against it
• why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are keys to recovering from and preventing burnout
With the help of eye-opening science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, all women will find something transformative in Burnout—and will be empowered to create positive change.
A BOOKRIOT BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherRandom House Publishing Group
- Publication dateJanuary 7, 2020
- Dimensions5 x 0.62 x 7.71 inches
- ISBN-101984818325
- ISBN-13978-1984818324
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From the Publisher
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“In Burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski deconstruct the stress we experience as women, and their compassionate, science-based advice on how to release it made me cry with gratitude and relief. Repeatedly. In public. The book is that revolutionary and its authors that wonderful and wise.”—Peggy Orenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape
“Reading Burnout, I knew this was not just another self-help book that keeps us trapped by the idea of female inadequacy. It turns our struggle with stress on its head and paves a meaningful path to what the authors call ‘growing mighty’ by bravely dropping in thoroughly contemporary and refreshing truth bombs, like, yeah, the patriarchal system is the issue, and goddamn it’s time we play by our own rules!”—Sarah Wilson, New York Times bestselling author of First, We Make the Beast Beautiful
“The first sentence of Burnout says, ‘This is a book is for any woman who has felt overwhelmed and exhausted by everything she had to do, and yet still worried she was not doing “enough.”’ (I raised my hand in bed.) Emily Nagoski [and] her twin sister, Amelia, teamed up to write about how to combat stress, and they have a gift for making the self-help genre not make you want to poke your eyes out.”—Cup of Jo
About the Author
Amelia Nagoski holds a conductor with a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut. An assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University, she regularly presents educational sessions discussing the application of communications science and psychological research for audiences of other professional musicians, including “Beyond Burnout Prevention: Embodied Wellness for Conductors.”
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
You’ve heard the usual advice over and over: exercise, green smoothies, self-compassion, coloring books, mindfulness, bubble baths, gratitude. . . . You’ve probably tried a lot of it. So have we. And sometimes it helps, at least for a while. But then the kids are struggling in school or our partner needs support through a difficulty or a new work project lands in our laps, and we think, I’ll do the self-care thing as soon as I finish this.
The problem is not that women don’t try. On the contrary, we’re trying all the time, to do and be all the things everyone demands from us. And we will try anything—any green smoothie, any deep-breathing exercise, any coloring book or bath bomb, any retreat or vacation we can shoehorn into our schedules—to be what our work and our family and our world demand. We try to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others. And then along comes another struggling kid or terrible boss or difficult semester.
The problem is not that we aren’t trying. The problem isn’t even that we don’t know how. The problem is the world has turned “wellness” into yet another goal everyone “should” strive for, but only people with time and money and nannies and yachts and Oprah’s phone number can actually achieve.
So this book is different from anything else you’ll read about burnout. We’ll figure out what wellness can look like in your actual real life, and we’ll confront the barriers that stand between you and your own well-being. We’ll put those barriers in context, like landmarks on a map, so we can find paths around and over and through them—or sometimes just blow them to smithereens.
With science.
Who We Are and Why We Wrote Burnout
Emily is a health educator with a PhD and a New York Times bestselling book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. When she was traveling all over talking about that book, readers kept telling her the most life-changing information in the book wasn’t the sex science; it was those sections about stress and emotion processing.
When she told her identical twin sister, Amelia, a choral conductor, Amelia blinked like that was obvious. “Of course. Nobody teaches us how to feel our feelings. Hell, I was taught. Any conservatory-trained musician learns to feel feelings singing on stages or standing on podiums. But that didn’t mean I knew how to do it in the real world. And when I finally learned, it probably saved my life,” she said.
“Twice,” she added.
And Emily, recalling how it felt to watch her sister crying in a hospital gown, said, “We should write a book about that.”
Amelia agreed, saying, “A book about that would’ve made my life a lot better.”
This is that book.
It turned into a lot more than a book about stress. Above all, it became a book about connection. We humans are not built to do big things alone, we are built to work together. That’s what we wrote about, and it’s how we wrote it.
IT’S THE EMOTIONAL EXHAUSTION
When we told women we were writing a book called Burnout, nobody ever asked, “What’s burnout?” (Mostly what they said was, “Is it out yet? Can I read it?”) We all have an intuitive sense of what “burnout” is; we know how it feels in our bodies and how our emotions crumble in the grip of it. But when it was first coined as a technical term by Herbert Freudenberger in 1975, “burnout” was defined by three components:
1. emotional exhaustion—the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;
2. depersonalization—the depletion of empathy, car- ing, and compassion; and
3. decreased sense of accomplishment—an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any difference.
And here’s an understatement: Burnout is highly prevalent. Twenty to thirty percent of teachers in America have moderately high to high levels of burnout. Similar rates are found among university professors and international humanitarian aid workers. Among medical professionals, burnout can be as high as 52 percent. Nearly all the research on burnout is on professional burnout—specifically “people who help people,” like teachers and nurses—but a growing area of research is “parental burnout.”
In the forty years since the original formulation, research has found it’s the first element in burnout, emotional exhaustion, that’s most strongly linked to negative impacts on our health, relationships, and work—especially for women.
So what exactly is an “emotion,” and how do you exhaust it?
Emotions, at their most basic level, involve the release of neurochemicals in the brain, in response to some stimulus. You see the person you have a crush on across the room, your brain releases a bunch of chemicals, and that triggers a cascade of physiological changes—your heart beats faster, your hormones shift, and your stomach utters. You take a deep breath and sigh. Your facial expression changes; maybe you blush; even the timbre of your voice becomes warmer. Your thoughts shift to memories of the crush and fantasies about the future, and you suddenly feel an urge to cross the room and say hi. Just about every system in your body responds to the chemical and electrical cascade activated by the sight of the person.
That’s emotion. It’s automatic and instantaneous. It happens everywhere, and it affects everything. And it’s happening all the time—we feel many different emotions simultaneously, even in response to one stimulus. You may feel an urge to approach your crush, but also, simultaneously, feel an urge to turn away and pretend you didn’t notice them.
Left to their own devices, emotions—these instantaneous, whole-body reactions to some stimulus—will end on their own. Your attention shifts from your crush to some other topic, and the flush of infatuation eases, until that certain special someone crosses your mind or your path once more. The same goes for the jolt of pain you feel when someone is cruel to you or the ash of disgust when you smell something unpleasant. They just end.
In short, emotions are tunnels. If you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end.
Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion.
Product details
- Publisher : Random House Publishing Group; Reprint edition (January 7, 2020)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1984818325
- ISBN-13 : 978-1984818324
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5 x 0.62 x 7.71 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,609 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #10 in General Women's Health
- #13 in Stress Management Self-Help
- #22 in Sociology Reference
- Customer Reviews:
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Great book to read for anyone experiencing burnout
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About the authors
Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a minor in Human Sexuality from Indiana University, and a MS in Counseling, also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She has been a sex educator for twenty-five years. She lives in western Massachusetts with a strange cat, two dogs, and a cartoonist.
Dr. Amelia Nagoski is a conductor and music professor, in which jobs her responsibilities include running around waving her arms and making funny noises, and generally doing whatever it takes to help singers get in touch with their internal experience. Her students have described her as "passionate, positive, and boundlessly enthusiastic."
In her teaching, performing, and writing, she focuses on connections between art and the experience of being alive in the world, with the expectation that understanding music can help us understand ourselves and each other.
She is the identical twin sister of Emily Nagoski, PhD.
Customer reviews
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To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book provides helpful insights and diagrams that help them understand better. They describe it as a good, enjoyable read that touches on universal themes for women. The feminist content is relatable and provides reasonable strategies for managing burnout. Readers appreciate the clear writing style and the authors' skillful weaving of science with personal experiences.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book provides helpful insights and diagrams that help them understand better. They find it well-researched and written, with interesting information about stress, rest, societal pressure, and techniques for moving past it. The practical exercises and relatable explanations of theories are appreciated. Overall, readers consider it an educational and engaging read.
"Really helped me understand stress!" Read more
"...This book explores burnout, combines stories and research to effectively share insights, and offers reasonable strategies for managing burnout." Read more
"...burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, snuck up on me too. "..." Read more
"...This book helps me understand why, but it also gets me angry and it's a little cheesy sometimes...." Read more
Customers find the book an enjoyable and easy read. They appreciate the honest, engaging writing style and the author's interview. The book starts well and gets them hooked with its stories and informal tone.
"...Overall, it's good, but it's bit overhyped...." Read more
"I have this on Audible (they narrate it wonderfully) and in paperback. I am a therapist and use the workbook as well...." Read more
"...I read it in under a week because it was really enjoyable and I made the time to do so (I was disappointed when it ended!!)...." Read more
"...The book was written to be accessible to everyone, and it accomplished that." Read more
Customers find the book's feminist content useful and insightful. They appreciate the topics covered and the female perspective. The advice and stories are universal for women, making it a good choice for those struggling with feeling inadequate or overwhelmed.
"...The topics covered are so universal for women in the 21st century that you really feel like they get it; it's so nice to have your suspicions about..." Read more
"...This book is written for every woman who has survived the outrages of living in our society while female...." Read more
"...Instead of helping me reflect on my behaviors, this book blames the patriarchy. Yeah, that is part of the problem, but I can't control that piece." Read more
"I loved this book so much. Yes, it's feminist (in that...feminism is predicated on the basis of the equality of the sexes) and talks about why women..." Read more
Customers find the book relatable and funny. It touches on important themes and helps them with vivid metaphors and personal observations. Readers appreciate the clear writing and use of stories to convey core points. They feel empowered after reading the book and appreciate the nuanced and powerful personal touch.
"...This book explores burnout, combines stories and research to effectively share insights, and offers reasonable strategies for managing burnout." Read more
"...The writing is approachable, fun, and relatable...." Read more
"...Overall, it's good, but it's bit overhyped...." Read more
"...But, it’s just never gotten resolved for me. This book gives me permission to feel - a little - angry about it, so I can move through it." Read more
Customers find the book helpful for preventing burnout. They appreciate the reasonable strategies and explanations of burnout points. The book provides good advice about sleep, exercise, and health. However, some readers feel it's too focused on exercises and journal prompts.
"...This book explores burnout, combines stories and research to effectively share insights, and offers reasonable strategies for managing burnout." Read more
"...Good advice about sleep and exercise and people caring about each other The bad: -..." Read more
"...about stress, rest, societal pressure, and techniques for moving past burnout and stress. Interesting and useful!" Read more
"...book is so full of golden nuggets, and absolutely tells you how to avoid and overcome burnout...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's pacing. They find the concepts easy to understand, with clear summaries at the end of each chapter. The authors skillfully weave science with critical analysis and personal experiences. Readers describe the book as brilliant, relatable, and honest.
"This book is brilliant. It's everything I wish I knew years ago. Every woman should read this. It doesn't matter if you're burnt out or not...." Read more
"...Skimmed through it a bit and saw there were many diagrams, which helps my brain understand a little better rather than just words on a paper...." Read more
"Very good book! Great ideas and methods to help recognize and improve stress levels!" Read more
"...My copy is riddled with notes and underlines. I appreciate the chapter wrap-ups at the end and the practical worksheets that are peppered throughout...." Read more
Customers find the book empowering and helpful for making lasting health and well-being improvements. They say it's medicine for the soul and makes them feel better.
"...It was medicine for the soul to read this and to converse about it along the way with a trusted friend." Read more
"...This books has made me feel so much better. Worthy, valuable, and allowed myself more grace...." Read more
"...I continue to reference it as I learn how to make lasting improvements to my health and well-being" Read more
"...on how stress and stressors work in our bodies and how to help our bodies heal. Highly recommended." Read more
Customers find the book contains a lot of bitterness, anger, and politics. They find it distressing and not very psychological.
"...This book helps me understand why, but it also gets me angry and it's a little cheesy sometimes...." Read more
"...The writing style feels immature and bitter...." Read more
"...Its not super psychological. Could be a fun read for someone who is not in serious need of stress coping skills. I want the nitty gritty...." Read more
"As a male reader this book was actually very distressing because it, in one fell swoop, both undermined the possibility of my emotional challenges,..." Read more
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Hard cover would've been a better option
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on November 6, 2024Burnout is always a word that is thrown around, but not one that we spend much time exploring. This book explores burnout, combines stories and research to effectively share insights, and offers reasonable strategies for managing burnout.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2025Really helped me understand stress!
- Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2023The word burnout crept up in my everyday use since 2019 – and then the pandemic hit. No travel. No casual shopping. No conferences. None of the usual ways to break up the days. Burnout, especially at work, snuck up on me. Much like my own burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, snuck up on me too.
"First coined as a technical term by Herbert Freudenberger in 1975, "burnout" was defined by three components:
1. emotional exhaustion—the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;
2. depersonalization—the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion;
3. decreased sense of accomplishment—an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any difference.
Written with women in mind, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle talks about the big and little stressors we experience daily – from the patriarchy (ugh) to the "second shift" most women have after work at home (house chores, caregiving). Compared to what it's like to be a woman, what's expected of women creates burnout without even realizing it. The authors discuss the Bikini Industrial Complex and the microaggressions women regularly experience for not looking, acting, or speaking in a certain way.
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle goes on to discuss how to complete the stress cycle. When we experience fight, flight, or freeze responses, our bodies react to those chemicals even though we are rarely in actual life-or-death experiences. The problems arise when we experience those reactions and don't get the fulfillment of knowing we are no longer in a life-or-death situation.
Too many women, especially women of color, grow up with unconscious biases about how we should behave, which is only exacerbated by others around us with unconscious biases. Before you know it, we're working ourselves too much, developing physical symptoms from a life of microaggressions and minor stressors, and we reach a breaking point. A part of this book encourages you to be aware of times in your life when you need to move on from whatever is causing you stress.
I appreciate a great deal about this book, but I loved how the authors didn't promise your burnout will magically go away if you take luxurious baths every night or try and "lean in" at work more. The premise of Burnout empowers us to accept ourselves exactly as we are and know that we are enough.
Buy Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle because we all need to work on unconscious biases around women at home, work, and in the world.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2024I got this book because I keep getting myself into situations where I am doing too much. This book helps me understand why, but it also gets me angry and it's a little cheesy sometimes. Overall, it's good, but it's bit overhyped.
What I want is to stop caring and to feel secure enough to stop constantly trying to prove myself.
Instead of helping me reflect on my behaviors, this book blames the patriarchy. Yeah, that is part of the problem, but I can't control that piece.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2024I have this on Audible (they narrate it wonderfully) and in paperback. I am a therapist and use the workbook as well. I am pleased that it doesn't just tell what burn out is, but gives directions on how to combat it.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2019This book is everything. I've recommended it to every woman I've come across in my daily life that I think might benefit from reading it (translation: every woman I've come across in my daily life). I read it in under a week because it was really enjoyable and I made the time to do so (I was disappointed when it ended!!). I've reread it a second time and keep it on my desk as a constant reference and reminder of the topics addressed.
The writing is approachable, fun, and relatable. They make the science-y bits easily digestible, the philosophy bits graspable, and the patriarchy (ugh) bits smashable. The topics covered are so universal for women in the 21st century that you really feel like they get it; it's so nice to have your suspicions about some of your interpersonal interactions and society as a whole validated.
This was my first experience of "self-help" book, and I loved it so much that I have read everything else Emily Nagoski has written (Come as You Are is a game changer and her fiction under the pen name Emily Foster is really great). Can't recommend this book enough to anyone and everyone. It should be required reading for all women entering the workforce or any higher education; and honestly they should make it a requisite for girls to read before receiving their high school diploma or GED equivalency. Start 'em young so they can spot this stuff along the way and learn to deal with their stress before addressing their stressors!
- Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2024This book is brilliant. It's everything I wish I knew years ago. Every woman should read this. It doesn't matter if you're burnt out or not. Talking about stress, how to work through it, and how to understand yourself is vital for everyone's well being.
Many things that I doubted, questioned, and thought it was just me, I learned that research shows it isn't just me. There's nothing wrong with you, ladies. If you want to find out more about feeling more connected to yourself and others, I think this book is a good place to start.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2025The media could not be loaded.
I usually go by the hard covers but in this case, I want with the paperback option since I liked the design more. I must say, it looks used. The front page has some foldings in the corner, the spine looks a bit pealed off.
3.0 out of 5 starsAt the moment, my review will be only about the cover, not the content itself since I just got it and haven't read it.Hard cover would've been a better option
Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2025
I usually go by the hard covers but in this case, I want with the paperback option since I liked the design more. I must say, it looks used. The front page has some foldings in the corner, the spine looks a bit pealed off.
Images in this review
Top reviews from other countries
- AlejandraReviewed in Mexico on December 3, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books I’ve ever read
It helps me a lot to understand my self and my current mood. I can put my feeling in real context and accept my self with compassion and love. Thanks for writing this book.
- Maria A Acuna ArreazaReviewed in Spain on February 14, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book!
A real life changer.
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in the United Kingdom on April 27, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Must Read
Definitely a must read and a re-read for whenever you need it. The authors have written this book in such an engaging way and explains complex topics so creative yet simply with lots of analogies that really suited me. Definitely think its a must read for anyone, who wants to understand and wants simple strategies to take home to improve your quality of life and stress cycle. You will come out feeling so empowered and validated!
- JackieReviewed in France on June 14, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
This book spoke directly to me. Recommended reading for women especially, at anytime in one's life-- not only when feeling tired and burntout.
- FPReviewed in Canada on October 17, 2020
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Easy reading, evidence based and well presented, humorous even! Looking at burnout through a feminist lens. Lots of practical tips and strategies for preventing and recovering from burnout.
Three comments
1) little info on burnout as a clinical entity. What is the exact definition? What causes it in the professional context (different references have talked about high responsibility, but little control and flexibility, long hours, hostile work environment)? Can antidepressants help? How long does it last?
2) Would have been nice to see a chapter dedicated to motherhood, as I feel this is a definite contributor for many women. Working moms and SAHM can burn out.
3) The chapter on the bikini industrial complex. Yes, healthcare and society have huge issues with fat shaming that need to be resolved. However, obesity is strongly associated with type 2 diabetes and metabolic syndrome, non alcoholic fatty liver disease, and coronary artery disease. A body that loses weight easily without effort may have cancer, cirrhosis, malabsorption, etc (the differential is literally pages long), so it isn't surprising that low body weight is associated with mortality. A body that gains weight easily is almost always healthy (some exceptions like Cushing's, hypothyroidism, medications, etc exist), especially in our sedentary, food abundant modern developed world. However, staying at a high weight with a high percentage of visceral body fat is associated with the chronic health conditions listed above. In very severe cases when bariatric surgery is used, we see major improvement in diabetes (some patients no longer need any medication afterwards, liver disease improves, etc. I'm sure the authors know this, but the chapter doesn't tell the full story, which hurts its credibility imo.