Over a period of time, thousands of books have been written to aid couples in bettering their marriages. Some of the books are successful and some have literally fallen by the way side; however, Harley's book on His Needs, Her Needs would definitively have to be classified in one of the all time classics of marital help books. The amazing thing about this book is Harley's advice is marital advice that actually works!
In all practicality, Harley presents the idea that, "Marital conflict is created one of two ways: (1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy." The seconded thought is added-up as a failure to protect the marriage of which Harley chooses to omit discussing this thought in this book. However, he does mention where the second component of this idea is found and by tackling it in the book, this book's companion, Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love.
This Book primarily deals with the issue that couples fail to make each other happy usually not by spite but rather out of ignorance in understanding each others basic needs that must be met in order to maintain or repair marital bliss. Harley's experience in counseling gives him ample knowledge about this topic and his findings are much worth our time to find them and practice them.
In addition to the author's thought, the book is built around the idea of "affair-proofing" your marriage. In his opening statement, chapter one, he addresses people who want happiness in their marriage, (and who does not?). Whether they be newly married, married for a number of years, have a bad marriage or just had an affair, marriage can be built or rebuilt if we would learn this basic principle and message throughout the book: "Become aware of each other's needs and learn to meet them."
As an undeniable truth, Harley boldly states, "If any of a spouse's five basic emotional needs goes unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair." This is his intent and underlining theme throughout his book.
In this easy-to-read book on male-female differences, you will learn to build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year. Certainly, we all can attest to the fact that men and women have different needs. Some of these needs may in fact overlap each other, on rare occasions, but for the most part these needs, the author sums up, are:
The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive wife
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration
The woman's five most basic needs in the marriage ten to be:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment
Harley did a wonderful job explaining and relating each one of these terms to each spouse in a non-offensive way, which speaks volumes in relativeness and applicability. Though, written in 1986, nearly twenty years later this book proves to be a must-needs in every marital situation.
Harley explains, "If the needs of men and women are so different, no wonder thy have difficulty adjusting in marriage. A man can have the best intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he things her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably. When they assume men appreciate the same gestures of kindness they like, women, too, fail."
Based on the idea that everyone has what Harley refers to as a "love bank", he comments, "Figuratively speaking, I believe each on us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person either makes deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her."
Unknowingly, however, no one actually knows how many of these deposits or withdrawals a person has, (Which, all-together, teaches differently than Chapman's book on The Five Love Languages, who says we do know and are to selfishly remind our spouse about our levels.)
Though clear communication and effective training , we can harness this power of wisdom and apply it to our marriages then we will reap a harvest of deep intimacy that God intended for us to have. Harley does just that, giving us the tools to better our communication and advancing ourselves in the eyes of our spouse in the irresistible way. This, of which, is something every marriage should contain, as we should not leave our spouse needing something we can give them and having the possibility of them finding and filling that gap filled by someone else.
This book was the most enjoyable book my wife and I have ever read and has revolutionized our marriage in ways that only reading and practicing Harley's experienced work could find out. We found the information within is far more valuable than most books on helping your marriage.
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows with Prime
Try Prime
and start saving today with fast, free delivery
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Frequently bought together
This item: His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
$6.99
Get it as soon as Wednesday, Apr 16
In Stock
+
$12.75
Get it as soon as Wednesday, Apr 16
In Stock
+
$8.50
Get it as soon as Wednesday, Apr 16
In Stock
Total price: $00
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Choose items to buy together.
Customers who viewed this item also viewed
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
About the author
Need media to use; otherwise great direction
I wanted to use this within my own marriage. My husband and I sat down and completed reading some it but wanted to follow along but no code or option to access videos were available. Requesting a refund
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews. Please reload the page.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2015
- Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2014
- Reviewed in the United States on July 26, 2023
