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The Dark Side of Love: The Positive Role of Negative Feelings Paperback – July 31, 1999
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Many mothers have disturbing fantasies of killing their children. Husbands imagine, with guilt, cheating on their wives. Parents stand on the brink of hitting their teenage children, or may actually do so, while the teens fabricate elaborate strategies of revenge. Hurt, pain, uncontrollable rage, and other forms of abuse also make up the dark side of love. This landmark book has a bold thesis: The denied dark side of love that can show us love's true nature. By acknowledging our "negative" feelings, we can come into the full spectrum of emotion and hear the message of our darker feelings, without acting them out. Through this, we can increase our capacity for love.
To explain her perspective, Jane Goldberg traces the development of love and hate from infancy. She debunks simplistic myths about mother love and portrays the mother/child bond in all its facets. She explores the hidden recesses of family love and romantic love and shows how the acceptance of constructive expressions of anger, jealousy, and competition can enhance intimacy. Drawing on case histories from her psychoanalytic practice, as well as mythic stories, Goldberg offers insights into the troubling but universal nature of the dark side of love.
In a highly accessible style she explores how to develop a "psychological immune system" to protect against the potentially destructive elements in relationships and allow for a constructive expression of love's dark side. Her debate-provoking book should be read by psychoanalysts and psychotherapists, individuals who have suffered from the pains and hurts of love, and indeed, by those who are interested in human motivation and behavior.
- Print length328 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateJuly 31, 1999
- Dimensions6 x 0.74 x 9 inches
- ISBN-10076580610X
- ISBN-13978-0765806109
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Product details
- Publisher : Routledge (July 31, 1999)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 328 pages
- ISBN-10 : 076580610X
- ISBN-13 : 978-0765806109
- Item Weight : 1.1 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.74 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #3,685,225 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #7,169 in Emotional Mental Health
- #55,849 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- #75,800 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Jane G. Goldberg, Ph.D. is recognized as one of the nation's leading authorities in the fields of psychoanalytic oncology and mind/body health. She has been a practicing psychoanalyst for over forty years, and has specialized in working with cancer patients, integrating her psychoanalytic work within the arena of mind/body health. She also has worked extensively with relationships, and includes couples' and family therapy as part of her psychoanalytic practice.
In 1986, Dr. Goldberg founded La Casa Resort Spa, located in the Puerto Rico rain forest. She was persuaded by her resort guests to open a NYC facility so that they could continue their mind/body work with her in an urban environment. In 1993 Dr. Goldberg opened La Casa Spa & Wellness Center in the flatiron district of NYC; it was the first holistic wellness center in NY.
Dr. Goldberg is a frequent speaker at conventions and conferences nation-wide, both professional and lay, including most recently (in 2016), The Best Answer for Cancer and the Cancer Control Society.
Dr. Goldberg is a prolific writer in the fields of both psychoanalysis and holistic health. She has published numerous scholarly articles and has authored eight books (in order of most recent first): My Mother, My Daughter, My Self; The Hormesis Effect; Because People Are Dying; Princess Diana: Modern-Day Moon-Goddess; Insparations (if you can do it at a spa, you can do it at home); The Dark Side of Love (the positive role of our negative feelings); Deceits of the Mind (and their effects on the body); Psychotherapeutic Treatment of Cancer Patients.
Dr. Goldberg has her own holistic newsletter, Musings From 20th Street, and, in addition, has written for most of the other holistic newsletters and venues, including, TheTruthAboutCancer, GreenMedInfo, NaturalNews, HealthNutNews. She is, as well, a regular blogger for Huffington Post and a writer for Epoch Times.
She is consulted and quoted often by popular magazines and newspapers as an "expert" on relationships and mind/body health, including such diverse publications as The New York Times Magazine, New York Observer, Crain's, Daily News, Vegetarian Times, Marie Claire, Harper's Bazaar, Allure, Self, Cancer Forum, Women's Wear Daily, Natural Living, Delicious, The Times Picayune, The Mainliner, Greater Washington Senior Beacon, Weight Watchers, Bride, First for Women and dozens others.
In addition, Dr. Goldberg is often called as a guest on both television and radio.
In February 20, 2002 she was given the Changing Destiny Award by Save a Parent, Help a Child, and was presented with the award by Susan Sarendon. In 1994, she was named Most Admired Woman of the Decade by the American Biographical Institute. She was chosen in Edition Five of the 5000 Personalities of the World.
She is listed in Who's Who of American Women, Who's Who in Medicine and Healthcare, Who's Who in the East, Who's Who of Women, International Who's Who of Professional and Business Women, Who's Who in Science and Engineering, Who's Who in the World, Who's Who in American Writers, International Who's Who in Medicine.
Dr. Goldberg is a mother as well as an avid runner, swimmer and advanced belt in Tae Kwon Do.
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- Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2014Great Book. Well worth the read!
- Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2015I gave this a middle star as I bought this for someone and not for myself. I was shown this book while working with families who have experienced domestic violence and found several of the chapters interesting but not overly convincing. Food for though but as in most things "take what you need and leave the rest"
- Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2013This book is so enlightening and insightful, everyone should read it. There are pieces of advice one would never have thought of on their own. The author narrates wonderfully - she illustrates concepts with stories of herself and her patients, and explains scientific terms and concepts so it's easily understood by someone lacking a a background in psychology. While she asserts her opinion, she lets the reader make his or her own conclusions and sites many studies enabling to reader to do further research if he/she wishes to know more. I don't want to put it down.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2005Jane Goldberg is a Freudian through-and-through, and so has a tendency to say that such-and-such is "always" caused by this, or "always" a sign of that. But she's a fun Freudian, going through the tales of Oedepus and Narcissus with a surprisingly relevant take, and skillfully folding in references to Shakespeare and the like.
Her basic premise is that we don't learn how to deal with hate and anger as children, being told instead that "hate is a four-letter word" and "if you don't have something nice to say..." For a society that's long recognized that children who don't learn about love grow up to be adults who don't know how to love, we're very slow (which is why the book is still so relevant even though it was published in 1993) to see that the same is true about hate. Hate (rage, irritation, jealousy, aggression) is a powerful emotional that deserves recognition and respect. Goldberg argues compellingly for a change in our approach to anger "management."
The prose is, unfortunately, highly repetitive, but you get used to it. It's still a useful and intelligent read. I particularly recommend it for people who are still new to self-analysis.
Top reviews from other countries
- vaneReviewed in Canada on January 5, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars amazinggggggg
very satisfied and amazing to read!!! highly recommend if you like deep meaning novels